Anonymous wrote:Also OP, sounds like you're having a bout of anxiety. Probably normal given the upcoming move.

If it helps, just remind yourself that these feelings will pass, and that everything is going to be ok.

Hang in there.

OP - I know, I just can’t sleep, I question it and only focus on the negatives. Childcare is the apex of
It all.

Also OP, sounds like you're having a bout of anxiety. Probably normal given the upcoming move.

If it helps, just remind yourself that these feelings will pass, and that everything is going to be ok.

Hang in there.

If you and DH are both going to be working from home, then I would highly suggest that you put your child in day care.

I work from home, and we've had a nanny since DS was 4 months old. It's so distracting just hearing what's going on, even though I know I'm not responsible.

If you cannot find an engaged and educated nanny (one who can involve your child in playgroups, storytimes and classes) I would go with a good daycare. I am not a fan of daycare at all but I do believe that daycare is better than a nanny who is nothing more than a babysitter.

I have family who work in high quality daycares and they aren't ideal (when you hear all the inside scoop)but they aren't going to leave your child in a playpen. Lots of kids go to daycare and grow up to be happy, healthy adults.

I think you first need to figure out what your needs are. If you are both working from home then a nanny doesn't seem like a good option as they would need to be out most of the day.

Since you are rural, are there options for daycare centers close to you - how far would you need to drive? how many centers do you have to choose from?

Is a family run daycare an option? Any of those near you - there you get more mothering type care in a home environment but your child is still with other kids - but often they have less staff so can't get out for activities as much if driving is required.

Your child can be safe or unsafe, thrive or not thrive in any of the options. It isn't the type of care that will determine how it goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thank you all for the solid, realistic advice. the closer we get to the move, i lay awake just not knowing what to do, where to start and yes I know about nannies not wanting to be at home with two parents and then i go through horrible daycare scenarios. i'll set up some tours and do more research, i've never been in a daycare so no clue what to expect.

It's just like with picking a nanny. Some just won't be a good fit with your family and the others will be so good you will wonder how you got so lucky to have these loving and knowledgeable teachers in your child's life.

+1.

Our daycare teachers are amazing. My DS has a main teacher who continued to be an amazing resource. We are in fcps and her two kids went through AAP and she knows so much about that for example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP here small town in Connecticut (close enough to NYC for a drive but def rural 3 acres of land kind of thing).

Thanks OP. I'm the PP who asked. My DH grew up in Connecticut and loved it.

I’m solidly in the daycare camp (yes it’s enriching), but I think the issue is always finding a quality daycare or nanny whatever you choose. You’re still not being specific enough. Are you talking “metro north” train line accessible or the “quiet corner” of CT or something else? Bc if you’re talking metro north, you’ll have plenty of options. You’ll run into snobby SAHMs who drop off at facilities/programs while they go work out or whatever and facilities/programs that have short hours and close at 3 or 5 pm bc they assume only one parent works. It’s like amplifying areas of NW DC and Bethesda ten fold. Being not from there is probably going to make it hard from a social perspective but if you’re like me you don’t care bc you’re too busy.

Anonymous wrote:OP - thank you all for the solid, realistic advice. the closer we get to the move, i lay awake just not knowing what to do, where to start and yes I know about nannies not wanting to be at home with two parents and then i go through horrible daycare scenarios. i'll set up some tours and do more research, i've never been in a daycare so no clue what to expect.

It's just like with picking a nanny. Some just won't be a good fit with your family and the others will be so good you will wonder how you got so lucky to have these loving and knowledgeable teachers in your child's life.

Anonymous wrote: OP here small town in Connecticut (close enough to NYC for a drive but def rural 3 acres of land kind of thing).

Thanks OP. I'm the PP who asked. My DH grew up in Connecticut and loved it.

Our first child started daycare at 4 months and our second child has had a nanny since 4 months. I prefer daycare - more socializing, accountability, cheaper (not always but often). Love our nanny but looking forward to enrolling DS in a Daycare but he has to be 2 to join the program we want.

I would actually visit the daycare first. Not every place has high quality daycares available. Your child is young enough that socialization with other kids isn’t as important as being exposed to lots of different things and being with a warm, loving caregiver. I would do a nanny if possible, then start with pt preschool at age 2. Then go from there when you see how your child likes the school environment — for some kids it’s great, others get overwhelmed.

OP - thank you all for the solid, realistic advice. the closer we get to the move, i lay awake just not knowing what to do, where to start and yes I know about nannies not wanting to be at home with two parents and then i go through horrible daycare scenarios. i'll set up some tours and do more research, i've never been in a daycare so no clue what to expect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a fan of daycare, OP. I’ve work in several. But I can assure you that 14 month olds in daycare centers are never in play pens. They have the freedom to move around the room between activities. They go outdoors. They sleep on cots. It will be fine.

OP again - I read the dcum horror stories about daycare (sure nanny stories are bad too but not as often mentioned here) - if you’re not a fan of daycare is that age specific? Would your concerns be alleviated if he’s 14 months?

The horror stories here are not your typical daycare. The recent threads about the daycare in Alexandria...well everyone knew that daycare was an outlier and terrible.

You can find a daycare with a curriculum, safety beyond what’s required for licensing, cameras, menus with good food, providers that had been there over ten years, and a low ratio. Ours had all of these. We just had to know what to look for.

OP here small town in Connecticut (close enough to NYC for a drive but def rural 3 acres of land kind of thing).

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the calming thoughts. Yes we’re trying something new but I’m afraid of it and no, it’s not a 15k sq foot house just your regular 3 bed 2 bath. My husband thinks
A nanny will be detrimental because it’s boring and she’d have to drive just to get to a playground or to library or to a far away zoo so he thinks a daycare (which few are close by) would be more fun for our son. I’m from Eastern Europe with a mom that stayed home and where daycares are a step up from orphanages. I just don’t know if he’ll have that undivided caring loving attention like with a nanny. (And I don’t want to tackle the reason or pro/con of the move, it’s happening and I need to come to terms
With it).

I think you need to visit some quality daycares. They are nothing like orphanages.
I can’t imagine a nanny wanting to take a job in a rural area with two WAH parents in the way.