OP's nanny...if you're reading this thread...

Anonymous wrote:You don’t own her. Move on.

If you think you "own" your nanny, that's called slavery. Perhaps you think you are one of these "woke" people who are just so caring and accepting and this repulses you, as it should.

Just because you found a needle in a haystack does not mean that you own it, this is a person. You just dont want your neighbor to "put the camel's nose in the tent"

B..b...b...b...but I FOUND her!

Sure. A zillion businesses go through this EVERY day. Search, hire, 6 months go by, someone quits. That's life.

You sound like you need some therapy. What else in your life are you trying to exercise control over?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely normal for a part time sitter to take many different babysitting jobs over time. This seems so normal to me that I’m genuinely confused. If it was making your sitter uncomfortable that is one thing, but it doesn’t sound like that’s why you’re upset. I agree it would probably be more appropriate for the neighbor to come to you. It’s not as typical to go straight to the sitter but if you don’t use her on weekends why would you mind if others ask? The attitude of mine mine mine is so off putting.

These kind of threads are always so interesting to me because you’re obviously a very dedicated mom, putting a lot of work in so your kids have great caregivers. It doesn’t jive with the idea of being so incredibly unforgiving of others and unwilling to share in your community. I can’t imagine those are the kind of values you want to teach your kids (or the values you look for in these great providers!). The kind thing to do would be call your neighbor, mention that your sitter mentioned she was looking for a weekend sitter and since you know your sitter doesn’t do weekends you thought you’d reach out with some other good ones you have since she’s searching. You could even mention that if she’s looking in the future she can always come directly to you because you’re happy to share if that’s part of what is bothering you (though I don’t think that’s the underlying emotional in actuality, it sounds like more that you’re upset people will get off easy when you do the hard work)

Why would the neighbor go to OP? It's not OP's decision. Should a recruiter ask my boss if it's ok to tell me about another opportunity? No, you approach the person you're interested in hiring. If they already have a good arrangement then that person will say no, thank you. OP has an awfully weird sense of entitlement over the nanny.

pp here and I see your point and agree, my statement was too strong in that regard. When I was a nanny though I definitely had some parents ask the other parent if I'd be interested in other work "oh hey we love your sitter when we see her after school! does she do weekend care?" is what it sounded like the conversations went like. So I can see this. I didn't mean like, asking permission. Just more using your network to ask about sitters among parents I don't think is uncommon and might be more common then walking over and asking in the yard. As opposed to say asking OP for the sitters phone number so you could ask. That's kind of what I meant. But overall I think you're right, it's totally fine for the neighbor to ask.

Anonymous wrote:Your sitter might like the opportunity to have the variety and freedom to sit for other people on her time off but fears for her regular gig due to your controlling nature.

OP here. I already stated she does not- she is an artist and likes to paint and spend time with friends on the weekend. We pay her well enough, offer our home and provide for her so that she can do that. She doesn't "fear her gig"- she expresses her gratitude quite often.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

Friend, you need help. And not the domestic kind.

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

Sorry, me Lady, but your sitter is not your serf. Weird that your sitter is telling you about these offers is weird. Is she afraid of you?

You need to re-frame the way you’re thinking of this. Instead of being furious you should feel proud of yourself and happy with the decision you made in employing this amazing nanny. She was asked and she declined. Maybe you have justification and feeling upset if your neighbor keeps on asking and harassing her but otherwise take a deep breath and enjoy your day.

I love this post so much. Let's recap, shall we?

You have a freelance, non contract employee who is excellent.

She has been asked to take on extra work that would not in the least bit interfere with your needs from her.

She has weighed this offer and declined.

You're FURIOUS SHE WAS ASKED.

Does your DH, parents, kids, or close friends every hint or accuse you of creating problems, being combative, or inherently pessimistic?

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely normal for a part time sitter to take many different babysitting jobs over time. This seems so normal to me that I’m genuinely confused. If it was making your sitter uncomfortable that is one thing, but it doesn’t sound like that’s why you’re upset. I agree it would probably be more appropriate for the neighbor to come to you. It’s not as typical to go straight to the sitter but if you don’t use her on weekends why would you mind if others ask? The attitude of mine mine mine is so off putting.

These kind of threads are always so interesting to me because you’re obviously a very dedicated mom, putting a lot of work in so your kids have great caregivers. It doesn’t jive with the idea of being so incredibly unforgiving of others and unwilling to share in your community. I can’t imagine those are the kind of values you want to teach your kids (or the values you look for in these great providers!). The kind thing to do would be call your neighbor, mention that your sitter mentioned she was looking for a weekend sitter and since you know your sitter doesn’t do weekends you thought you’d reach out with some other good ones you have since she’s searching. You could even mention that if she’s looking in the future she can always come directly to you because you’re happy to share if that’s part of what is bothering you (though I don’t think that’s the underlying emotional in actuality, it sounds like more that you’re upset people will get off easy when you do the hard work)

Why would the neighbor go to OP? It's not OP's decision. Should a recruiter ask my boss if it's ok to tell me about another opportunity? No, you approach the person you're interested in hiring. If they already have a good arrangement then that person will say no, thank you. OP has an awfully weird sense of entitlement over the nanny.

Woman--singular

Women--plural

Your nanny is a woman, not a women.

Wait - you trust this woman with your children, but don't trust her enough to make her own arrangement with other potential employers? How is any of your business? Presumably his AHMAAZING human being is perfectly capable of handling her own scheduling and employment arrangements without you hovering and offering your unsolicited opinions. Back off.

Eventually she will realise you are limiting her ability to build on her childcare experience, earning potential, and potential references and referrals.

It’s completely normal for a part time sitter to take many different babysitting jobs over time. This seems so normal to me that I’m genuinely confused. If it was making your sitter uncomfortable that is one thing, but it doesn’t sound like that’s why you’re upset. I agree it would probably be more appropriate for the neighbor to come to you. It’s not as typical to go straight to the sitter but if you don’t use her on weekends why would you mind if others ask? The attitude of mine mine mine is so off putting.

These kind of threads are always so interesting to me because you’re obviously a very dedicated mom, putting a lot of work in so your kids have great caregivers. It doesn’t jive with the idea of being so incredibly unforgiving of others and unwilling to share in your community. I can’t imagine those are the kind of values you want to teach your kids (or the values you look for in these great providers!). The kind thing to do would be call your neighbor, mention that your sitter mentioned she was looking for a weekend sitter and since you know your sitter doesn’t do weekends you thought you’d reach out with some other good ones you have since she’s searching. You could even mention that if she’s looking in the future she can always come directly to you because you’re happy to share if that’s part of what is bothering you (though I don’t think that’s the underlying emotional in actuality, it sounds like more that you’re upset people will get off easy when you do the hard work)

Babysitter sounds great! What's her number?