Anonymous wrote:Awe, you have a perfect marriage. Sure you do.

Better then average that's for sure.

No, but I don't really know the details of other people's marriages. Doesn't it all kind of even out in the end? I may have a great marriage but I've also got some special needs challenges with one of my kids and a CRAZY extended family. Can't win 'em all!

I feel bad that some many people are married to immature and irresponsible men. I don’t feel like I “got a good one” because my husband can handle things like teacher appreciation week and laundry. I want to tell women that they shouldn’t have to settle for slobs that can’t pull their weight with kids and house stuff - but I don’t because it feels smug. I really hate it when people joke “can you train my husband?” - no I can’t. He came into our relationship as a self sufficient, responsible adult.

Sometimes, but my marriage is not perfect either and I have to invest a lot to keep it good. My wife does too. I think that no matter how much you love someone, it can’t continue without effort on both sides.

Not in the day to day, I like the line above that a side effect of marriage is not thinking about what other people think.

But here on the DCUM relationships forum? I am regularly quite sad for people here when I read this forum. I feel like the happy marriage posters are few and far between here.

I've always been fascinated by the human condition, so I love DCUM, gives me peaks into so many different kinds of lives. But I think most people end up here because they have a problem that they need advice on, so the tables are a turned a bit.

Awe, you have a perfect marriage. Sure you do.

If one of my friends were dealing with a bad marriage I'd feel for them regardless of the state of my own marriage. If mine was bad, I wouldn't feel any less bad for my friend. If mine was good, I wouldn't feel any worse.

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about other people's marriages much.

Exactly. Plus no one's relationship is always on the same keel all the time.

I feel sad for people who have a bad marriage but since something like 40% of marriages end in divorce it is what it is. Marriage isn’t easy and so many things can derail it that you don’t see day to day. I feel very sad for people who have a bad marriage and stay in it for many years.

Anonymous wrote:Best not to feel smug. You never know when it might implode.

There is no such thing as a secure marriage or job.

Obviously I have no idea if this will happen to you OP, but I used to be you. I remember witnessing an awful fight between another couple that we were friends with, and hearing all that awful things they said to each other, I felt so sorry for them. I went to bed thinking I was so thankful for my DH and that we didn't have "issues" that came out in such an ugly way like that.

Fast forward a few years, and I am now divorced and that couple is still married (although I have no idea if they are happy or not, but that's not my business/concern.) I'm not accusing you of being smug on purpose because maybe you were like me, and just feel so grateful sometimes not to be in a bad place. But just remember that things change, and sometimes change quickly. People surprise you. Appreciate what you have, but don't get too comfortable that it's permanent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't think about it. I don't think my marriage is "superior" to people who are divorced or have problems in their marriage. You never know what the future brings, karma is a biatch.

That’s a weird way to think about it.

Someone happily married, is by definition in a better/superior/more successful marriage than someone who’s getting divorced.

Only if you are a weirdo who thinks marriage is the thing to strive for. Btw, I have a great marriage, 25 years of love and respect and sex and everything. Doesn't give me the right to judge others on quality of their marriage!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't think about it. I don't think my marriage is "superior" to people who are divorced or have problems in their marriage. You never know what the future brings, karma is a biatch.

That’s a weird way to think about it.

Someone happily married, is by definition in a better/superior/more successful marriage than someone who’s getting divorced.

+1

You know if you have a good marriage or not.

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't think about it. I don't think my marriage is "superior" to people who are divorced or have problems in their marriage. You never know what the future brings, karma is a biatch.

That’s a weird way to think about it.

Someone happily married, is by definition in a better/superior/more successful marriage than someone who’s getting divorced.

Best not to feel smug. You never know when it might implode.