Anonymous
05/07/2019 12:17
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.
You're already a dramatic martyr, so that will help with the transition.
Be sure to count each and every chicken before they are hatched!
P.S. Your son may never marry, and/or he might be gay.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 12:04
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
I have a son--I just don't want to be an IL after reading all of these threads.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.
OP- yes, it's mean and your inlaws will feel snubbed and excluded.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 12:01
Subject: Re:Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:First, your trade-offs with DH don’t extend to his parents. His parents being invited or not to the event is only partly about DH and is partly about his parents as grandparents. So, no, I don’t think your logic holds.
Second, are you sure your DH cares much whether his parents come to the event? Is he tallying things up the way you are?
Finally, can you see your parents for a day the weekend before?
This. YOU taking one for the team does not equal his PARENTS taking one for the team.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 12:00
Subject: Re:Is this unfair or reasonable?
You have your way of looking at this and having it make sense to you, but I doubt anyone else will see it that way and you'll just hurt a lot of people's feelings. No one is dying - they're going on vacation. No need for a few last minutes alone with them - you'll see them when they get back. I don't know if you just don't like your in-laws, but it's really rude to exclude them from this.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 11:10
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Selfish. Who cares that your parents are leaving for two months? That’s not your inlaws or your DH’s fault. See your parents alone the previous weekend.
This.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 11:04
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Couldn't you see them for dinner one night before your weekend away? Or one night before the event?
It's not fair to ILs or DS to not invite them.
It's not fair to ILs or DS to not invite them.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 11:04
Subject: Re:Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I definitely find the whole “I need alone time to wish them farewell” a bit on then strange side.
I don’t want to go into defining details, but there is a reason they are going away for two months. It’s important to me to spend quality time with them at this tome.
But, I know it’s selfish. I guess I need to hear it.
If there is a serious underlying reason that you want/need to spend time with them then your husband should give up whatever this thing is that's important to him. Or if it's so important then take the kids out of school on Wednesday and hang with your parents.
I would not exclude the in-laws from the sports dinner.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:56
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what others think of this. I need unbiased opinions, please!
DS has a big sports-related competition coming up. Last year, we invited all the grandparents, and did dinner afterwards. This year, it falls the Thursday before my parents are leaving for a nearly two-month vacation (they leave on the following Monday).
We had planned to spend a weekend day visiting them that week, to wish them farewell. However, we (our nuclear family) were invited out of town for something that’s important to DH, and he wishes we all attend, so we will be leaving Friday as soon as the kids get out of school, and won’t be back until late Sunday. So, Thursday will be my last opportunity to visit with my parents before they leave, and I’d like to just invite my parents only, so we all get some good one-on-one time with them at dinner after the competition, before they leave. Since I’m “taking one for the team” and going away for DH’s thing, I thought he could do the same and let us have this time without the interference of his parents.
But it DOES sound horrible and selfish, right? I need someone to tell me if it is before I present it to DH! Is it horrible to ask that, because our weekend will be spent doing X for YOU, can we please just invite only my parents so we can have some quality time with them before they leave? (Also, ILs haven’t yet been invited to the competition, FWIW.)
This would be way overthinking it for me. I'd stick with the original plan of inviting everyone.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:50
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are way overthinking this and hurting feelings. There is nothing "magical" about seeing your parent's off. Get over the need to make it something magical. You have a preference, but your preference is not worth hurting ILs feelings, not worth it at all.
How will it hurt ILs feelings if they haven’t been invited? How will they even know (remember) this event was happening? And if they do, there are a million and one excuses for why they weren’t invited. An invite isn’t mandatory to anyone just because it happened the year before.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:42
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
Better solution: Since you're leaving for the weekend the next day, don't invite anyone to the sports thing.
See your parents this weekend. Take an extra day off if necessary to be with them if there's something serious happening.
See your parents this weekend. Take an extra day off if necessary to be with them if there's something serious happening.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:41
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
OP, you are way overthinking this and hurting feelings. There is nothing "magical" about seeing your parent's off. Get over the need to make it something magical. You have a preference, but your preference is not worth hurting ILs feelings, not worth it at all.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:37
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
OP and her DH sound childish and weird. Maybe a session with a therapist is in order.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:37
Subject: Re:Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I definitely find the whole “I need alone time to wish them farewell” a bit on then strange side.
I don’t want to go into defining details, but there is a reason they are going away for two months. It’s important to me to spend quality time with them at this tome.
But, I know it’s selfish. I guess I need to hear it.
Share the reason or don't expect different responses. On it's face, without any further details, you are acting over-the-top selfish.
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:35
Subject: Re:Is this unfair or reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I definitely find the whole “I need alone time to wish them farewell” a bit on then strange side.
I don’t want to go into defining details, but there is a reason they are going away for two months. It’s important to me to spend quality time with them at this tome.
But, I know it’s selfish. I guess I need to hear it.
If it's that important, you should stay with them this weekend. You're stretched too thin and complaining. Why don't you make an executive decision and stick to it? Accept that it won't make everyone happy.
So the husband will be upset.
If the ILs don’t come:
They don’t even know they are missing out. They aren’t affected at all.
If OP stays home on the weekend:
DH will be upset.
If OP goes on the weekend and invites all grands:
OP will be upset.
If OP invites only her parents and keeps plans with DH on the weekend:
Everyone is happy
Why not please the DH and please the OP? It’s a win-win, both are happy, and the ILs don’t know they are missing anything. I don’t see the issue, can anyone elaborate?
Anonymous
05/07/2019 10:34
Subject: Is this unfair or reasonable?
This is dumb. You'll see your parents before they leave. Your ILs won't "disrupt" that. Get over yourself and keep it moving.