Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I wouldn't be, but perhaps it's because I'm an introvert, and sometimes really need quiet time with just my kid (who knows that sometimes I'm not going to converse).

It's a mistake to assume, and you really shouldn't be offended. You can ask, they can say no, or vice-versa.

Anonymous wrote:You know how I know they know it’s NOT “no big deal since you’re going anyway”? Because they NEVER OFFER TO DRIVE MY KID. Why is that? Can anyone explain?

You could ask. If you wait until they volunteer, you'll wait forever. (The same is true for my DH and dishes, btw. He'll do them, but not if I don't ask him to.)

You know how I know they know it’s NOT “no big deal since you’re going anyway”? Because they NEVER OFFER TO DRIVE MY KID. Why is that? Can anyone explain?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

OP, every time someone asks you to drive, you need to say “OMG, I have a commitment can you take DD since you’re going there anyways?”

Or be proactive - if you never ask them for help, you’re never going to get help.

And lastly, No is a perfectly reasonable, polite response to any request. You can say “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Repeat as necessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I'm a pp who has agreed with OP's complaints. I actually agree with you. But some people really do just take take take, without ever intending to repay the favor. Also, there's something unseemly about someone who consistently pushes their responsibilities onto others for no other reason than laziness.

Carpools can be great - but that means there’s reciprocity.

If a neighbor asked me for a for a favor, I would say yes once or twice. If you never offered to drive after that, I’d have no problem saying no. It does change the dynamic to have extra kids in the car and it took me a little bit of time to get used to it when carpooling. If you wanted me to be your chauffeur there’s no way I’d put up with the inconvenience. You can be as “annoyed” about it as you want.

My kids are teens and tweens and apart from one awkward summer experience with a friend who didn't understand I was tired of watching her child, I've never had trouble with this.

It's hard to find ways of saying no in a kind way, but that's really what it takes. Practice!

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

But I assume you also offer or drive your neighbor's kid around too. OP describes someone who is a taker.

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Just drive my kid and stop complaining!

Anonymous wrote:Kids these days are very clued in to the environment. Your DC will push to carpool, if she doesn't already.

Wait, so. It's required that she participate in the car pool because her DC demands/requests/needs it for social standing? WTFEver...

OP - just say no when it's inconvenient and yes when it's not. You just have to use your words.

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I'm a pp who has agreed with OP's complaints. I actually agree with you. But some people really do just take take take, without ever intending to repay the favor. Also, there's something unseemly about someone who consistently pushes their responsibilities onto others for no other reason than laziness.

12:17 here. I hit submit before finishing my thought. I think in all areas of life, there are people who don't consider their impact on others.

I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who does this?

NP. A lot of people feel entitled to “have” the time of those who are apparently less busy.

I have a friend who asks people to drive her kids around all the time. Most recently, when I dropped my 7yo off for a playdate, she asked me if I could drive her 10 year old to a friend's house. Once, she even asked me if I could drive her kid to MY son's birthday party. So, in the midst of packing the car with cake, decorations, and food and making sure we'd get to the venue in time to set up, I was being asked to drive 20 minutes out of my way to pick up her kid. Ha. No way.

There are people in this world who just don't recognize boundaries. My friend isn't a busy person. She just thinks it's a big hassle for HER to get out and cart her kids around. Me? I'm already going to be out driving around, what's the big deal?