I fear this too OP, and think about it often. I foresee old age being lonely.

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys and never thought about the whole "lose the son" business til I cam here. I'm sad that I didn't get one of each but happy for them as I expect [b]same sex siblings are closer. Also my MIL has one son and one daughter and the daughter is estranged from the family. They are local and my family isn't. They are who we invite for holidays and I got her wedding china and some of her jewelry (just as examples that I'm part of the family and she values me). It really is on a case by case basis.

Not always true.

I have two boys and never thought about the whole "lose the son" business til I cam here. I'm sad that I didn't get one of each but happy for them as I expect same sex siblings are closer. Also my MIL has one son and one daughter and the daughter is estranged from the family. They are local and my family isn't. They are who we invite for holidays and I got her wedding china and some of her jewelry (just as examples that I'm part of the family and she values me). It really is on a case by case basis.

I can't relate to this because I have 2 boys and I love them so, so much. They are fun and silly and boyish, and oh my gosh they love their mama.

BUT, growing up I remember a good friend of my mom's who had 3 boys. She used to come over and take me and my sister out for "girl dates" we would paint nails and dress up and bake cakes and just be silly together, and she used to say "I don't have any daughters and I always wanted this!" It was fun. So if you just like doing girly things, are there friends you are close enough to that you can have that kind of relationship with their kids? Or any nieces?

I’m so glad that you are talking this out and not keeping it all bottled up. What you are feeling is perfectly understandable given that you just had a baby 4 months ago and with hormones and frazzled nerves, all kinds of thoughts can come up. I want to reassure you that these feelings will pass- especially as you watch the relationship your boys have with each other grow and also their relationship with you! I have two boys, 7 and 10. They are best friends and hang out all the time. They both feel so lucky- it’s awesome having a brother and being a brother!- and they both love me to pieces. Boys LOVE their mamas! When they were littler they used to tell me they wanted to marry me, haha!
Also, my grandmother was just saying the other day that her son (my uncle) is closer to her than any of her daughters have ever been. He calls her for advice and to check in on how she’s doing all the time, while her girls (including my mom) are always so wrapped up with their own nuclear families and stuff going on in their lives that she feels out of touch with them. She said that it’s hard to explain but he has a different kind of respect for her than the girls do. Appreciates her and does a lot for her.
I hope these thoughts are fleeting and you feel better soon!

You are lucky to have 2 healthy, beautiful boys. Please don't stress over things you can't control. Continue loving them, and raising them right. It goes by so quickly!

My brother and his wife chose to live 15 minutes from my parents and see my mom multiple times a week. I live a coupe of hours away and, while my mom and I are extremely close, my brother probably talks to her more and has never pulled away or been readopted by his in laws.

I have one of each and I have a very close and easy relationship with my boy. It’s amazing. My girl is a tough nut to crack. Teen years will be hard.

Talk to moms of teenage girls or best yet go and see teen girls yourself, this will cure your blues

I have always been fiercely independent. My brothers have always let my mother fix their problems for them (even as adults). My mother definitely knows more about their day to day life than mine, FOR SURE. (And I think they/she did my brothers a disservice, because they never fully grew up.)

Anonymous wrote:I wanted all boys and I “got lucky” and got them.

Me too.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve put in a call to my therapist, but am feeling sad and alone right now, as I sit here at a rest stop nursing my 4 month old, and thought I’d write it out. I usually don’t think much about being a mom of two boys, but on Easter, we went to a party where there were 5 or 6 little girls age 2 and under, and my sons were the only boys there. Seeing the girls in their cute dresses just hit me, like why did these other families or moms get lucky and I didn’t? I was hoping that stung feeling would fade in a few days, and it has a bit, but I still think about it when I see a mom with a daughter. I love both of my sons, but I just feel unlucky — I am working so hard to bring them up, and they are going to ultimately join another family and not be close with me, and I’ll be alone. The pattern in my family is that I am close with my mom and my brother is emotionally distant (on another continent even!) from all of us. DH calls his mom every week, by contrast, but still, my MIL talks with her daughter every day by phone. I’m just not going to have that, most likely.

Please critique, interrogate my thinking. I know my self pity is too much and yet I can’t seem to boot myself out of this loop.

To play devil's advocate, maybe there was a childless couple at the same gathering, or a couple suffering from secondary infertility, who looked at you and your two boys and thought "why did she get to be so lucky?" We were that couple for years. We still know those couples.

I also agree that there is no way to predict what kind of relationship anyone will have with their kids in the future, and that it's less about gender and more about how you cultivate the relationship you have with them as they are growing up.

My husband texts or talks to one of his parents or his sisters every day.

I talk to my parents when I have to. My mom and I were never close - now we spend a lot of time together but it’s because my two boys adore her and she loves them.

I hope I raise my boys to marry partners who will include me in their lives in an appropriate way. Sometimes when I see adult moms and daughters who are super close and do everything together, I find it creepy. I hope I have appropriate boundaries with my kids’ families when they are adults the way my mom and MIL are warm and welcoming, but not overbearing or intrusive with my family.

It’s interesting that people have such strong gender preferences. I was so relieved when I found out I was having a boy and even now am so happy that we have a boy. Not that all boys or girls or the same of course, but almost all the girls I know are into cheer or dance or something along those lines, and I’d much rather be at baseball or basketball games. But it is what you make of it. Enjoy your kids’ interests, whatever they may be, and be thankful that your kids are healthy. My son loves me fiercely and I feel the same way about him. I get him in a way that even his dad doesn’t and raising a little boy is completely different than what I’m used to, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I wanted all boys and I “got lucky” and got them.