OP, she can foolishly ask anything she want. You would be foolish to provide.

Re: "finding it terrible" that your parents financially support her ---- you do not want to jeopardize your relationship with your parents over these feelings. If you want to mention it directly and clearly to them, that's certainly a reasonable thing to do. But once you've mentioned it, it's not your business any longer if they listen or not, act or not.


I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

OP: sorry if my post is confusing. It is my sister who doesn't have savings, not our parents. Our parents are retired and should be living comfortably if it weren't for my sister constantly hitting them up for money.

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry Larla, I need to save money for my own retirement. Speaking of retirement, I am concerned that our parents don't have enough. Is there any way you and your hubs could earn more, to help support them?"

Sentence one is fine. The rest is passive aggressive.

"Sorry Larla, I need to save money for my own retirement. Speaking of retirement, I am concerned that our parents don't have enough. Is there any way you and your hubs could earn more, to help support them?"

Anonymous wrote:If you value your money more than your sister, chose money. Simple. You can make more money, but you can't make another sister.

No one needs private school, travel, or summer camp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

Reading is fundamental. The OP states that the sisters are FROM an UMC class family but now the parents are bankrupt and almost lost their home? No. Maybe OP's parents were MC but paycheck to paycheck. Otherwise there is no way they are suddenly broke because of "poor sister."

It's your reading that is off. The parents aren't broke. This --> "They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too." is about the poor sister.

+1.

Misplaced modifier. The parents are the subject of the previous sentence.

OP, your post is confusing. Who doesn’t have savings and has declared bankruptcy, your parents or sister and BIL? I am going to guess the latter. Sounds like your family is heading for a multi-generational train wreck if your parents run through their retirement fund early because of helping your sister.

If you value your money more than your sister, chose money. Simple. You can make more money, but you can't make another sister.

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't. I would not let my nieces/nephews go without and happily help with necessities, but no one is entitled to luxuries like private school and vacations in Europe. If your sister wants to save up for those things, she and her husband can work two jobs and accumulate this money.

+1 It was super ballsy of your sister to ask. Practice this sentence, "We are not in a position to contribute."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

Reading is fundamental. The OP states that the sisters are FROM an UMC class family but now the parents are bankrupt and almost lost their home? No. Maybe OP's parents were MC but paycheck to paycheck. Otherwise there is no way they are suddenly broke because of "poor sister."

It's your reading that is off. The parents aren't broke. This --> "They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too." is about the poor sister.

+1.

Stay strong, OP. Similar situation in my family except it's a poor brother (bankruptcy, house almost foreclosed upon, mid-70s parents supporting him, etc.). Your sister will drag you down with her and, as another PP said, you'll be the black sheep all over again if you start giving her money then stop. Save your money for a true emergency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

Reading is fundamental. The OP states that the sisters are FROM an UMC class family but now the parents are bankrupt and almost lost their home? No. Maybe OP's parents were MC but paycheck to paycheck. Otherwise there is no way they are suddenly broke because of "poor sister."

It's your reading that is off. The parents aren't broke. This --> "They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too." is about the poor sister.

I would help with emergencies/essentials. I like the idea of experiences for the kids instead of gifts. Also, you could consider a contribution for their university/post-hs studies.

You made the right decision, OP. Once you open your wallet to pay for a big discretionary expense like private school, you will be hit up again and again. We did the same with DH’s folks and then they asked us to help with his younger sister’s expenses. Another thing you realize is that the appreciation doesn’t last long. The minute you stop paying or refuse the next request, you will be resented and criticized. Might as well save your money until there is a real emergency that you can help with. Welcome to the Order of the Black Sheep!