Anonymous wrote:There are so many smart people on here. Awhile back I came across a post that completely changed the way I viewed myself as a sahm. Prior to that I seriously thought that because my DH was working that I truly was responsible for everything else. Any issue with money came back to some comment about, "well if you went back to work then xyz..." I was not "working" and not bringing in money. But one day I read some smart person's comment on here who spoke about "family money" and this concept that the sahm is contributing to it by way of everything she does...Does anyone know the link to that thread? It would help me and also a friend of mine.

Time and again I am reminded that this is not true.

Anonymous wrote:Was it in the thread about divorce and alimony?

That may have been my thread but I doubt OP is referring to it.

I will comment though. DH is the breadwinner and I’m a SAHM of 3 young children. I would not stay home if DH did not make me feel like his money earned was our money. We have built this life together. He is able to work long hours because I am the default parent. I was always the default parent, even when I was working. He works hard for our family. I don’t take advantage and he does not micromanage our finances. Big luxury purchases are usually only around my birthday or holidays. I book and plan vacations after speaking with DH.

If you really want to talk to your husband about your financial value to the family, I would phrase it as a question about life insurance. If you died, how much money would he need in order to replace you?

Similar problem different forum. Interesting post.

"This topic just irritates the heck out of me because it always comes down to people saying you should never be financially dependent on anyone else. IMO, if you are married, you are financially Interdependent. When we both work, we depend on each other's salaries. When I stayed home, we depended on his AND the fact that my work had helped us get a good start in our home etc. If my DH had to (or we chose for him to) stop working, we would depend on mine.

I think we are getting to the point where no one should marry or join finances with someone without a legal agreement. I don't know that I would be willing to become a SAHM at this point without one - there is just too little respect for anyone who doesn't earn their own money. Now, instead of splitting sacrifices, it's a "too bad for you" nanner nanner attitude. It just bothers me that people think they can leave a marriage and pretend it didn't happen.

If my dh and I were to divorce right now, I would expect alimony to help make up for my lost wage earning potential. Our kids are grown, but I know exactly how much my salary would be now had I kept working our entire marriage. I would expect that we would sort of split that sacrifice.

The idea that you should be able to join forces, have one partner sacrifice career to stay home and take care of the kids, then have the wage earner leave her/him penniless afterwards because they didn't make any money is ridiculous.?"

Was it in the thread about divorce and alimony?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all missing the point. OP wants to spend money on something, for some reason her husband disagrees, and sosges turning this into something about her monetary value as a SAHM. We don’t even know what she wants to buy.

Please specify what was said in the op that leads you to come to this conclusion.

They’re having issues with money. Her husband says if she goes back to work then they could buy xyz. Now she’s looking for a post about how SAHM’s are entitled to “family money” bc they DO contribute to household finances even if they aren’t bringing in a paycheck. All of which I agree with, btw. But it sounds to me like OP wants to buy something, her husband is telling her they can’t afford it but maybe they could if she goes back to work, and now she’s trying to figure out how to prove she deserves a certain amount of money for whatever she wants to buy.

That's what it sounds like to me. If her husband is accurately saying that they can't afford X, but might be able to if she were working, that's one thing, and it doesn't matter how much she thinks she's "making" by performing household work--the money is either in the budget or it's not, and "deserve" has nothing to do with it. If he's saying that she doesn't get any say in how they spend money because she's not working, that's a different issue, and it doesn't matter what she thinks she's "earning" because the fundamental issue is a lack of joint decisionmaking authority about how to use household resources.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all missing the point. OP wants to spend money on something, for some reason her husband disagrees, and sosges turning this into something about her monetary value as a SAHM. We don’t even know what she wants to buy.

Please specify what was said in the op that leads you to come to this conclusion.

They’re having issues with money. Her husband says if she goes back to work then they could buy xyz. Now she’s looking for a post about how SAHM’s are entitled to “family money” bc they DO contribute to household finances even if they aren’t bringing in a paycheck. All of which I agree with, btw. But it sounds to me like OP wants to buy something, her husband is telling her they can’t afford it but maybe they could if she goes back to work, and now she’s trying to figure out how to prove she deserves a certain amount of money for whatever she wants to buy.