Anonymous
04/24/2019 08:28
Subject: Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:There's a group of moms with young kids (under 4) that meet at a public space once or a week, sometimes host playdates.
The same people are always invited.
Now I'm hosting the playdate and will not be inviting one of the moms and her child. It's nothing against them, but the child just does not like mine. For the past few weeks he goes out of his way to take everything my kid has, hit, slap, grab, push down, etc.
I don't want to invite this child just to have him shove my kid around.
I don't expect it to last forever, and who knows, maybe in a month he'll be over it and want to be best friends with my son. But for now, I think it's best not to invite someone who will be hitting and taking everything from my son, while in his own home.
If it makes a difference, it's also my son's birthday party. Not that he's old enough to really get the concept of a birthday party. Basically just a playdate but with balloons and mini cupcakes.
How much drama should I expect from this?
Honestly, a lot. The other mom will absolutely hear about this--heck, unless you specifically tell the other moms that you are excluding this one kid, one of the other moms will likely mention it to her, because it will not even occur to her that everyone wasn't invited. You or someone else will post something on FB.
She will not believe your obvious lie that it's "nothing against them." She will take it personally. And the other moms, once they realize what you did, will likely think less of you. I know I would. Not only is it unkind, it's so passive-aggressive.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 08:24
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
If it was a completely independent event (outside of the typical schedule and activity) and you wanted to invite a few families from the group (not everybody exept for one), it would be different.
This is not your event. It sounds like a reciprocal arrangement where everyone (including, presumably, the mom of the kid in question) takes turns hosting the others. You are repaying the kindness they showed/will show when they host.
Unless it's group tradition, there's no need to include the birthday celebration in the group event. You can throw an independent party, inviting part of the group, maybe with some guests that aren't in the group. However, as mentioned above, you can't just exclude one member.
This is not your event. It sounds like a reciprocal arrangement where everyone (including, presumably, the mom of the kid in question) takes turns hosting the others. You are repaying the kindness they showed/will show when they host.
Unless it's group tradition, there's no need to include the birthday celebration in the group event. You can throw an independent party, inviting part of the group, maybe with some guests that aren't in the group. However, as mentioned above, you can't just exclude one member.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 08:10
Subject: Would you be offended?
Yes, of course she is going to be offended.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 08:03
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
I wouldn’t let my kid take stuff / hit other kids but yes I would be offended.
Do you think the other moms will tell her or not realize she’s not invited and mention it to her?
Do you think the other moms will tell her or not realize she’s not invited and mention it to her?
Anonymous
04/24/2019 07:57
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:Don’t do this. I know it seems impossible now, but at some point, your kid will be that kid. You are risking being dropped from the group, or breaking up the group. This will pass.
There's a small but not insignificant chance that her kid will NEVER be "that kid." And you know what? It doesn't matter. This is still BS. It also doesn't matter in a sense if it never "passes" for this kid (also a small but not insignificant chance). Because then-- if not now-- you have A Talk About It. But what you don't do is this passive aggressive nonsense.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 07:18
Subject: Would you be offended?
Why can't you watch the kids and stop this kid from acting out towards your kid? If this is so bad why are you still going to all the group gatherings with other moms where this kid is included? Makes no sense.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 06:48
Subject: Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:This is truly awful on so many levels. Please rethink. Although I suspect you are a troll.
One can only hope.
Anonymous
04/24/2019 06:40
Subject: Would you be offended?
This is truly awful on so many levels. Please rethink. Although I suspect you are a troll.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 21:22
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
Just talk to the mom. Geez. She’s your friend, right?
I wouldn’t be hurt if someone told me my toddler was being a jerk. I would be hurt if someone instead chose a passive aggressive tactic.
I wouldn’t be hurt if someone told me my toddler was being a jerk. I would be hurt if someone instead chose a passive aggressive tactic.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 21:18
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would prepare to be cut out of the group.
This.
They'll hear about how you excluded the mom/kid, immediately conclude you are a jerk, and plot to ghost you. It's a moms group, and you don't exclude moms.
Not cool.
Agree
Anonymous
04/23/2019 20:59
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:I would prepare to be cut out of the group.
This.
They'll hear about how you excluded the mom/kid, immediately conclude you are a jerk, and plot to ghost you. It's a moms group, and you don't exclude moms.
Not cool.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 20:21
Subject: Would you be offended?
Anonymous wrote:I would be offended if it was my kid being excluded and I would be just as offended if I was one of the other moms in the group. I’d be honest and tell you how offensive it and remind you that all children do this to each other and I promise one day it will be your child that hits. You think this mother wants her child to misbehave? Have some sympathy and support and help each other not exclude.
This. Doing this would offend all of the moms in the group.
I would feel ashamed to have participated in a party where we excluded another mom and child.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 20:09
Subject: Would you be offended?
You totally suck.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 20:04
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
Don’t do this. I know it seems impossible now, but at some point, your kid will be that kid. You are risking being dropped from the group, or breaking up the group. This will pass.
Anonymous
04/23/2019 19:51
Subject: Re:Would you be offended?
By trying to deal with bad behavior, you are behaving badly. Be the grownup, or this group will drop you in a hot second.