Anonymous wrote:My dd has a friend same age that feels like older sister comes first. Both girls have major issues. I think in some cases mom just can't do right. It is like a competition on who has more issues between these two teens.

Often it a parent who is the reason why. My mom has always and will always play my sister and I against each other. She is always the perfect one, I am not (even though in many ways I am the far better person). My mom meant to send my sister one of her ranting emails about me and my family and instead sent it to me. It destroyed my relationship completely with my mom as I have proof. My mom does things like plan a party for her friends on my birthday but would never think to do anything nice for me. She'll buy my sister gifts but not me (or my kids), etc. But, to the outside she makes herself out to be this great generous mom and grandmother. She brags about all the clothing, gifts, etc. she buys my kids when she buys a few books a year and a few teeshirts from spots she takes vacations.

My sister still to this day insists my parents favor my siblings and I (they do not...if anything its the reverse) often bringing up minutia from the past that most people truly don't even remember nor would they give a second thought to. She has borderline personality disorder.

Yep, acknowledge it.

I remember being about 3 and sitting alone on the stairs listening to my parents laugh with my older brother. They never did that with me.

While I agree with PPs stating that you should take DD's feelings seriously, I know a LOT of families where both siblings believe the "other one" is the favorite (including my mother's). To some extent, jealousy is normal. I think you can listen and adjust behavior--even with the knowledge that objectively there may not have been huge discrepancies in treatment AND there may not be a "magic" set of behaviors that will entirely make these feelings disappear.

My dd has a friend same age that feels like older sister comes first. Both girls have major issues. I think in some cases mom just can't do right. It is like a competition on who has more issues between these two teens.

Anonymous wrote:My son gets very defensive, and when he’s feeling guilty or angry, he often defaults to “you don’t love me as much as sister”. It’s absurd and not true at ALL. We love both kids equally, spend equal time with them and always have. So just because this sister says it doesn’t mean it’s true, just that’s how she perceives things. She could also be testing you. Testing your love.

What I would say is “oh wow, that memory must hurt. I don’t remember doing that and I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you SO much and I always will. What do you need from me right now? Let’s keep talking about this. And thank you for telling me, that must have been hard.”

Why would you tell the child that your don’t remember doing that if she did do that? Makes no sense...

Don't discount the feelings, and don't deny it. Validate the pain this brings up and discuss ways to show her that you love her the same.

Anonymous wrote:Listen as she's probably correct. My sister was and is clearly the favorite.

Mine too.