Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 19:04     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He has no idea that's not a nice thing to say. Just teach him. Tell him, that's not a nice thing to say. And move on. Don't turn it into something bigger.

And good for you, sounds like you're doing great with your weight loss.


Yes. Ignore everyone telling you to shame your kid or "call him out." He's 3. He loves you. You are his world. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He will be devastated, unnecessarily, if you respond to this in an emotional way.



Her son is 5. My DD is 5 and knows that calling someone fat is mean. A five year old is in kindergarten and can start to Know when words are mean. Don't berate the kid, just talk about how words can hurt enemy if they are true. Don't ignore nut don't get upset, either.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 17:47     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:He has no idea that's not a nice thing to say. Just teach him. Tell him, that's not a nice thing to say. And move on. Don't turn it into something bigger.

And good for you, sounds like you're doing great with your weight loss.


Yes. Ignore everyone telling you to shame your kid or "call him out." He's 3. He loves you. You are his world. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He will be devastated, unnecessarily, if you respond to this in an emotional way.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 17:46     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:To his 3 year old brother today, while I was dragging them to several doc appts where they were behaving horribly. I almost started sobbing. The truth is, yes I am fat, up 30 lbs until recently from second pregnancy, have lost 15 lbs in last two months so I am trying.

What is the right response to this? I ignored it. I know we all feel this way but get can I get a break? I am killing myself to do everything I can for kids while still working, commuting downtown, while DH works from.home (and yes cooks way more meals than me, does laundry too). My job feels my performance has gone from being fantastic to satisfactory, our house is always a mess, my brother is having a mental health crisis halfway across country in California..... and my kid tells me I'm fat. AWESOME.


OP, you are doing a great job managing a very stressful life and still have lost weight! Don't let it get you down.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 17:42     Subject: Re:5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:My kid jiggles my belly and says "now, we have to do something about this." Little asshole is right. Just learn to laugh about it. Seems like you're doing a great job.


This really made me laugh.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 17:32     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Our 4-year old DS asked DH if he had a baby in his belly. "Nope, I'm just fat," was DH's response.

I long for the day women are not held to a different standard than men and can be proud of their bodies, with 15, 30 or however many extra pounds. You birthed two kids, OP! That is amazing and I bet you are beautiful!
Skyeblue
Post 04/19/2019 15:25     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
I'm 5'2" and 120 lbs. In the pool last summer I was swimming with my DD on my back and she grabbed my tummy and said "Mmmm....squishy belly". I was mortified and also kind of lol'd. No I don't have a 6-pack.

You're doing great OP. A 15 lb loss is a lot to be proud of, the most important part of which is that you're caring for yourself. Keep it up and hang in there!
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 15:11     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Why are you taking this so personally? It's the truth - you don't want to teach your child to lie to you. You can have a conversation with him to say that he should not talk about fat or skinny in front of other people, but other than that, just deal with it. I do, I say "I know I would like to change that" when my 5 year old tells me I have a big belly. She's a kid, she's not being mean, she's just telling it like it is.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:56     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Pp here I do make sure they know it is not a nice thing to say but if they randomly say it I ignore.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:55     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
My kids call everyone fat. My mother taught them the concept so thanks mom. I ignore because it is one of those behaviors that goes away if you don’t react and gets repeated incessantly if you do.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:52     Subject: Re:5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
OP, I'm sorry. First, you need to separate (1) how you feel about what he said with (2) what he said. You have obvious feelings about your life as a whole, a part of which is your struggle with weight. Be kind to yourself, and keep doing what you're doing. Maybe find some time where you can think of things you can do that would make you feel better about everything. Second, deal with what he said objectively, as if he had said to someone else. Ignoring is ok, especially if the other choice is to yell or be emotional about it. But, like others have said, it's best to let kids know that we don't discuss other people's bodies. He probably didn't mean it with any malice, in which case ignoring it once is fine. But most of all, feel better!
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:23     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:Tell the kid it's not nice to call people fat.

Pretty soon he'll be the sh*thead in school calling the chubby kids fat. Don't become the parents of the dbag.

+1. You have to consistently teach your children that insulting people's physical appearance is horribly wrong.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:22     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
If mine said as a reported fact that I was fat, I’d agree and talk about nutrition, exercise, and how done people don’t like the word “fat.” If mine said it to be mean, I’d address the meanness and attempt at name-calling. I’d try to deemphasize the idea that being fat and being called fat are themselves shameful and blameworthy.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:21     Subject: 5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Was you kid trying to insult you, or make a statement?

If the former, you respond the same way you would to any other insult.

If the latter, you do nothing. You yourself say you’re fat. Lose weight if you want to.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:13     Subject: Re:5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Little kids have no filter. This is more about your self esteem.

I felt chubby for a long time. I prioritize my fitness now. I have 3 kids and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight of my firstborn. Did not think it was possible. It is half eating less and half working out. It is easy to eat less.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2019 14:10     Subject: Re:5 year old DS said" Mom is Fat"
Anonymous wrote:OP I'm really sorry. That must sting.

Honestly with my almost 5 year old I feel like I have 3 options for the things he does that are "bad".

1) Ignore. Not because what he's doing is okay, but because if I react, the chances that he'll repeat the behavior jump 1000%. I use this technique for things like: his overuse of the word poop, minor annoying behavior like stomping around loudly, etc.

2) Physically stop him from doing the bad thing: i.e. tormenting his little brother, using a toy inappropriately etc.

3) Implement an immediate and appropriate consequence, and do so consistently. So, if he does throw the toy because I can't stop him, toy gets put away. If he doesn't get ready for bed, we don't have time for books, that sort of thing.

I say all this because to me, your choice to ignore is, to me, the best option from the tools you have available to you. So I think you did the right thing.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're having an overall hard time. Try to be kind to yourself and treat yourself like you would a friend in the same situation. You'd tell your friend that they were awesome and beautiful and going through a shit-ton of stuff, right? Whatever pep talk you'd give, try giving it yourself. Hang in there.


Yeah, I think there is something to be said for ignoring the behavior in this case. There might also be something to be said for explaining that it’s not generally polite to comment on people’s bodies. It depends on the kid and the situation, I think.