Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

You do it in DC, for example.

You cannot file for a separation order in DC unless you are already living separately. Specifically, voluntarily live apart for six months, or non-voluntarily live apart for 12 months. Then you can file for separation.

Yes it’s a long process ASAP could he 6 months it could be 1 year, it’s longer if you keep taking him back.

No f’ing duh, are you dense?

Anonymous wrote:OP think about how a broken home will affect the children. As a family member said to me when I was thinking of leaving DH - "it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to make a marriage fail"

You have received really bad advice. Growing up in a home with an alcoholic and an enabler leaves lasting s ars. Just has my DH and his two siblings. So many issues I don’t even know where to begin. The worst part is a whole new generation is being impacted. At some point it needs to stop and OP should be the one for her kids sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

You do it in DC, for example.

You cannot file for a separation order in DC unless you are already living separately. Specifically, voluntarily live apart for six months, or non-voluntarily live apart for 12 months. Then you can file for separation.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this could buy you some time: I had a child with my SO years ago, realized he had a major alcohol problem. Won't go into the roller coaster but basically after a breakup I was letting him stay with me and he was drinking again a great deal. He wasn't even on the lease and I would not let him contribute to rent or utilities in order to preserve my dominion so to speak. So I could have just had cops remove him. Instead, I filed a petition with the court. People said it couldn't be done, but I simply explained the extent of his drinking and the potential risks (one was overflowing ashtray!). I didn't even go to the hearing. A couple of weeks later deputies showed up and took him to treatment facility. He had the right to a hearing within 72 hours (I think it was) but the facility persuaded him to forego the hearing, told him he'd lose. How it would of gone if he had disputed it I don't know but it got him out of my place for 28 days and a chance to take stock without the craziness.

The downside was the very day the deputies showed up I had a car problem I was relying on him to fix. By then it was out of my hands.

This is useless info if they both own the home.

OP, this could buy you some time: I had a child with my SO years ago, realized he had a major alcohol problem. Won't go into the roller coaster but basically after a breakup I was letting him stay with me and he was drinking again a great deal. He wasn't even on the lease and I would not let him contribute to rent or utilities in order to preserve my dominion so to speak. So I could have just had cops remove him. Instead, I filed a petition with the court. People said it couldn't be done, but I simply explained the extent of his drinking and the potential risks (one was overflowing ashtray!). I didn't even go to the hearing. A couple of weeks later deputies showed up and took him to treatment facility. He had the right to a hearing within 72 hours (I think it was) but the facility persuaded him to forego the hearing, told him he'd lose. How it would of gone if he had disputed it I don't know but it got him out of my place for 28 days and a chance to take stock without the craziness.

The downside was the very day the deputies showed up I had a car problem I was relying on him to fix. By then it was out of my hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't kick him out of the home. But I told my ex I'd like him to leave but if he stayed I'd throw out any alcohol in the house, and if he came home drunk he needed to sleep in the yard. One night of me setting up a tent in the yard and pouring his new bottle and 12 pack down the drain, he left on his own. Two things - yes, it was very dramatic but that's what I thought I needed to do for him to take me seriously. I felt like an idiot setting up the tent. And second, he's very passive and worried about fighting about this in front of the kids. I was 100% sure he would leave quietly. I've known people that I think would have gotten violent when I was pouring out the alcohol and if I thought for a second my ex was one of those guys I would not have approached it this way.

If you did that to me, I'd put a security door and deadbolt lock on the master bedroom, and you can sleep in the yard.

Also, if he really is an alcoholic and you throw away his alcohol, you might cause him to have DTs or even death. Then you'll be facing a manslaughter charge.

LOL!!! This is almost as dumb as the think of the children and don't divorce the drunk post.

Anonymous wrote:You can't kick him out of the home. But I told my ex I'd like him to leave but if he stayed I'd throw out any alcohol in the house, and if he came home drunk he needed to sleep in the yard. One night of me setting up a tent in the yard and pouring his new bottle and 12 pack down the drain, he left on his own. Two things - yes, it was very dramatic but that's what I thought I needed to do for him to take me seriously. I felt like an idiot setting up the tent. And second, he's very passive and worried about fighting about this in front of the kids. I was 100% sure he would leave quietly. I've known people that I think would have gotten violent when I was pouring out the alcohol and if I thought for a second my ex was one of those guys I would not have approached it this way.

If you did that to me, I'd put a security door and deadbolt lock on the master bedroom, and you can sleep in the yard.

Also, if he really is an alcoholic and you throw away his alcohol, you might cause him to have DTs or even death. Then you'll be facing a manslaughter charge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP think about how a broken home will affect the children. As a family member said to me when I was thinking of leaving DH - "it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to make a marriage fail"

You are an idiot.

Idiots are those who get advice on DCUM. There are ALWAYS two sides to a story.

You can't kick him out of the home. But I told my ex I'd like him to leave but if he stayed I'd throw out any alcohol in the house, and if he came home drunk he needed to sleep in the yard. One night of me setting up a tent in the yard and pouring his new bottle and 12 pack down the drain, he left on his own. Two things - yes, it was very dramatic but that's what I thought I needed to do for him to take me seriously. I felt like an idiot setting up the tent. And second, he's very passive and worried about fighting about this in front of the kids. I was 100% sure he would leave quietly. I've known people that I think would have gotten violent when I was pouring out the alcohol and if I thought for a second my ex was one of those guys I would not have approached it this way.

Anonymous wrote:OP think about how a broken home will affect the children. As a family member said to me when I was thinking of leaving DH - "it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to make a marriage fail"

You are an idiot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

You do it in DC, for example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

This person did not claim to be an attorney, but suggested that OP retain an attorney, which is excellent advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

Don't listen to the 2nd tier lawyer.

So many bad lawyers out there. Go see a good one, get him out of the house so you can start the process for a separation and divorce.

He is not getting sober any time soon, you need to protect your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.

Counselor, in what state does one "file separation papers"? As someone above said, real life isn't television.

Anonymous wrote:He was in detox for 4 days, refused further treatment, came home and promptly went to purchase more alcohol. This is an almost 20 year marriage with kids involved. I had decided a while ago I was moving on and this was his attempt to keep the marriage together and get me off his back. I had little hope he’d actually quit drinking and sure enough, within hours he had restocked his supply. I’ve consulted with an attorney and was given basic advise on what to do but anytime I want to talk to her it’s going to cost $ obviously. He went to a hotel last night and I don’t want him back in the house. Is there anything I can do to stop him from moving back in? How do I protect my credit from him? We live in Fairfax County.

You need to go back to this lawyer and put down a retainer and file the separation papers ASAP. Your attorney will tell you about asking DH to leave, or kicking him out. Your attorney will also advise you about moving money (or not), protecting credit, etc. Do not wait. It does not get better from here.

IME, you can ask him not to come back to the house and/or to move out, even if you can't legally force him to do so. IME, they know what they are doing is wrong and unhealthy. My ex agreed to leave the home, but I allowed him to come back to the house to eat dinner with us and put the kids to bed every other night, as long as he was sober. He could hold it together for an hour or two. He could not hold it together for a day or a week.

Don't shame him, but draw a firm boundary. What he is doing is not healthy for him or the kids or you, and while you know that it's a struggle, you won't live with him while he is drinking. Encourage him to go back to rehab or seek other help. Sometimes people have to go to rehab many times, or live in sober house, or get on meds, etc. While alcoholism recovery is a lifelong process, that does not obligate any family members to live with an active alcoholic.