Anonymous wrote:My dd is heading to middle school in the fall. Within a short walking distance of the school is a grocery store with a Starbucks inside. If I am ever there around the time school is letting out, I often see MS students buying snacks at the store or Starbucks drinks. Sometimes I see them there before school, too.

If you have a middle schooler with access to food/drink like this, how do you manage what they spend? Do you give them allowance? Do they spend their own money? Are you worried about those sugar/caffeine bombs at Starbucks and do you advise them to not have them as much? I know 6th grade is the start of more independence and I want to do things right, but we don’t have a Starbucks budget for the adults in our family, let alone the kids. How do you handle this?

My kids get an allowance. If they choose to spend it on Starbucks - that's their choice. My kid also got a debit card linked to a savings account going into 7th grade, so that's how he keeps track of allowance and whether he has $$ for Starbucks or otherwise going out with friends for a burger etc. Our agreement is that we only pay for Starbucks if we are there with him.

Anonymous wrote:My 6th Grader goes to get Bubble Tea with her friends, so I’m no way wondering what Bubble Tea will lead to in her future but I’m grateful for the assurance that it’s not pot and weekend festivals.

We give her like $5 when she goes but it’s not a weekly event. She has gone twice all year. She gets so exceptionally excited to go and she is beaming with pride that we let her go with her friends. She has generally been a very attached Momma’s baby, and this independence is important for her. I have enforced that she must return my texts when she’s out but I don’t text her constantly, either.

Like $5?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6th Grader goes to get Bubble Tea with her friends, so I’m no way wondering what Bubble Tea will lead to in her future but I’m grateful for the assurance that it’s not pot and weekend festivals.

We give her like $5 when she goes but it’s not a weekly event. She has gone twice all year. She gets so exceptionally excited to go and she is beaming with pride that we let her go with her friends. She has generally been a very attached Momma’s baby, and this independence is important for her. I have enforced that she must return my texts when she’s out but I don’t text her constantly, either.

Bubble tea leads to vaping and EDM parties...careful

See I heard it was Tropical Smoothie that led to vaping and EDM. Sorry PO but I have it on good authority that bubble tea and teen pregnancy have a +90% correlation rate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid only goes occasionally. It’s part of discussing healthy food choices and budgeting. “If you go with your friends to Starbucks that’s $5 less you have to put toward that bike helmet you want. Is the delay worth it?”

And honestly I have more conversations with him about how to behave appropriately with his friends. Don’t be so loud!

My son has an allowance and uses that. In high school I’ll get him a debit card as the next step up for money management.

Lol you make your kid buy their own bike helmet?

When they want a “cooler” one than what I got him, yeah. He collects them like some kids collect sneakers.

I gave my 8th grader $5 each week. He quickly discovered that Starbucks was overpriced. Mission accomplished.

How do you manage what they spend?

It isn’t so hard to limit accesss to cash or demand accountability since the kid is tooo young for their own account. So you will have on-line access.

If kid spends too much on drinks, say no to that cute shirt.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't let my DD start doing that until the end of 7th grade, and stressed NOT to get "the better deal" by upgrading to a bigger cup - to always get the small. And I give her very little money.

My son also started this type of thing in 7th. We live in a very walkable neighborhood and they will walk over for ice cream at the gelato shop or Dunkins once a month or so, usually not gone very long. Just 1 or 2 other really nice kids that all live within blocks. Sometimes they walk their dogs after school together. There was a different BIG crowd in 6th grade that used to stay late after MS which isn’t close to our house and the stories that got back to me were that the group wasn’t so innocent. I want comfortable with that in 6th at 11/12 years old. Luckily, my kid’s sport practices weren’t conducive to the meet up and it is too far without a ride.

Op, I’d be worried about how often they were going for the calories alone—Frappuccino’s and all of those Starbucks snacks drinks are a big part of why young teens are so much heavier than their parents were at the same age.

Anonymous wrote:My 8th grade DD goes on Fridays. It’s walkable from her school. She has allowance, birthday money and an occasional $5 from me. I swear half the school is there. To me, it’s an age-appropriate level of independence.

+1
We joke that it's like the 21st century version of the soda shop/diner/ice cream parlor. It's just a place for them to hang out and feel a little bit independent.

It's part of living in the city. My DS walked to the bakery in elementary school and spent his allowance there. I try to explain why caffeine and sugar bombs are unhealthy, but we really can't control what they eat after school. So now that he's in MS, he buys Gatorade and crappy chips at 7-11. But with his money, not mine.

Op here and I’m giggling about caribou and bubble tea being gateway drugs

The advice is very helpful! Thanks.

My 8th grade DD goes on Fridays. It’s walkable from her school. She has allowance, birthday money and an occasional $5 from me. I swear half the school is there. To me, it’s an age-appropriate level of independence.

Anonymous wrote:My kid only goes occasionally. It’s part of discussing healthy food choices and budgeting. “If you go with your friends to Starbucks that’s $5 less you have to put toward that bike helmet you want. Is the delay worth it?”

And honestly I have more conversations with him about how to behave appropriately with his friends. Don’t be so loud!

My son has an allowance and uses that. In high school I’ll get him a debit card as the next step up for money management.

Lol you make your kid buy their own bike helmet?

My kid only goes occasionally. It’s part of discussing healthy food choices and budgeting. “If you go with your friends to Starbucks that’s $5 less you have to put toward that bike helmet you want. Is the delay worth it?”

And honestly I have more conversations with him about how to behave appropriately with his friends. Don’t be so loud!

My son has an allowance and uses that. In high school I’ll get him a debit card as the next step up for money management.

I didn't let my DD start doing that until the end of 7th grade, and stressed NOT to get "the better deal" by upgrading to a bigger cup - to always get the small. And I give her very little money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6th Grader goes to get Bubble Tea with her friends, so I’m no way wondering what Bubble Tea will lead to in her future but I’m grateful for the assurance that it’s not pot and weekend festivals.

We give her like $5 when she goes but it’s not a weekly event. She has gone twice all year. She gets so exceptionally excited to go and she is beaming with pride that we let her go with her friends. She has generally been a very attached Momma’s baby, and this independence is important for her. I have enforced that she must return my texts when she’s out but I don’t text her constantly, either.

Bubble tea leads to vaping and EDM parties...careful

I love you.