Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

This is very bad advice and could lead to a lot of heartache. Yes, some people find themselves easily able to get pregnant in their late 30's, but this is NOT true for many people. Do not delay having children if you would like to have children.

+1. The first was easy at age 34. The second at age 38 involved medications, several IUIs, money, a couple chemical pregnancies, a lot of tears, stress and heartache. IVF would have been considerably more money, medications, and stress. Before I went through this, I had no idea what it's like to struggle with infertility and I was lucky in that I already has one child. I also wish we had started earlier as we would have figured it out.

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

This is very bad advice and could lead to a lot of heartache. Yes, some people find themselves easily able to get pregnant in their late 30's, but this is NOT true for many people. Do not delay having children if you would like to have children.

31 and 33. HHI right above $400k. Savings with 401k about $400k. We are buying a house in the next quarter so will decrease our savings by 1/3. We also plan on having children soon.

The key for us is putting money with investments and savings before it ever gets to our wallets. Having goals is key too, even if it’s something like a vacation, we are more prone to skip spending dumb money if we have something coming up we need to splurge on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

I disagree with this. There is very often no “right” time to have kids. Many people decide to wait until their late 30s and struggle with infertility or other negative health issues. Have children when you can and make it work. I was warned by my OB in my early 20s that I may have problems with my fertility and so I had my first child in my late 20s, during law school, no less. But I was married and my husband had a decent job and we made it work. At 34 and 39 we are able to max out our retirement accounts and are on schedule to retire when we want to.

Well having kids before your student loans are paid off or you’ve said a downpayment is definitely NOT the right time to have kids. For many dual income families, the daycare costs are staggering and mean the student loans can’t be aggressively paid off. So they have significant debt for years because of kids in daycare.

PP isn’t talking about waiting until 40 to have kids. But even an extra few years of saving and paying off any debt will help you tremendously for years to come.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

Strongly disagree. We have spent upwards of 40k on IVF. And we started trying to have kids in our late 20's. We always knew we wanted kids, so we have come to peace with what we have spent because we got what we wanted out of it, but this isn't really great advice. Not everyone can have kids easily, especially in their late 30's.

Not everyone can, but most can.

This sounds extreme but I think not having kids due to infertility is better than having kids too early and wrecking your career and finances

Definitely don't wait to have kids. The cost of in vitro is a lot, and its a lot of stress on baby and mom. Kudos to those of you on this board who made it through that - very committed parents.

35 and 36, HHI ~300 with two working parents. Emergency fund is around 40k so lower than we'd like. Retirement around 214k in roths and tsp. General stock investments around 200k. Just finished paying off student loans around 126k (I had student loans from college so took me 12 working years, then husbands grad school loans). Lived lean while we had 2 kids and the related childcare. We didn't /don't skimp on childcare because 2 full time working parents, but we dipped into our emergency fund for 2 family vacations in that time (about 3 years), no nice furniture, and no big luxurious purchases. Going to be honest, I was stressed about money all the time, but it was worth it to get those loans paid off. Loans suck. But, not a good idea to be completely stressed about money all the time as long as you have a roof over your head, a safe and secure country, and good educational opportunities, so maybe my stress levels weren't warranted.

Also, this area can feel like a rat race of social and financial pressures, so don't give into it all. We've been rushed several country clubs, city clubs, etc., expensive friend vacations, and have thus far declined. If we had a lot more money it would be easier to say yes, but since we don't have generational wealth, the financial answer was an easy no, and I like the flexibility it gives us not to be locked into a certain lifestyle should we need to ratchet it down or up depending on life circumstances. We try to stay grounded in our life aspirations. We did manage to contribute to charity during this time, and it made a mental difference that I don't think people realize is really important - we sponsored children, and gave to some refugee charity money. It made the whole thing feel less like a rat race. Down with the rat race!

We’re both 35. HHI 180k, 75k in student Loans. 5k savings. 2 kids. 80k TSP. 150k home equity.

I know we’re behind on retirement by a lot.

We're both 38. Two kids, ages 2 and 5. About 900k in retirement, depending on the market. 600k in home equity. $430k left on our mortgage. 50k in 529s. 150k in cash. HHI just under $450k. No other debt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

I disagree with this. There is very often no “right” time to have kids. Many people decide to wait until their late 30s and struggle with infertility or other negative health issues. Have children when you can and make it work. I was warned by my OB in my early 20s that I may have problems with my fertility and so I had my first child in my late 20s, during law school, no less. But I was married and my husband had a decent job and we made it work. At 34 and 39 we are able to max out our retirement accounts and are on schedule to retire when we want to.

+1...don't delay kids. No one can count on being fertile in their late 30s. I had my kids at 28 and 30, in DC no less. So glad I wont have to go through maternity leave and baby phase when I'm 39. I'm 33 now and look forward to retiring at 57.

I don't get the mentality of rushing through every life stage. I recognize that I'm super biased because my mom had me at 41 and she's just the absolute best mother and person. My parents travel all over the world and they still work (not because they have to but because they want to). It's kind of a weird American mentality that "life starts" when you retire / gets kids out of the house. Not that PP is saying all that. Just musing...

Understanding how biology works is not “rushing” through life stages. My grandmother had children from her 20s until she was about 38. 3 of her grandchildren have struggled with infertility, all in their very early 30s.

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

Strongly disagree regarding the kids stuff. This is basically how I feel about it: https://hmmdaily.com/2018/10/18/your-real-biological-clock-is-youre-going-to-die/

We are 31 and 33. HHI between $160k and $230k, depending on bonuses. Together have around $200k in retirement, maybe $5k in a 529, plus another ~$150k in savings and taxable brokerage accounts. We owe $430k on our mortgage. No other debts.

We are lucky and in good shape because I saved a lot when I was in big law, and had minimal student debt thanks to scholarships. My husband scrimped and saved to pay off his student loans while working lower-paying legal jobs, and we managed to totally wipe them out recently thanks to a big bonus. We have one kid and would like more if we can. We also get a lot of family support—in particular, my mom takes care of our baby full time and will until she is at least one, which enables us to continue saving for retirement. I am Chinese, so this kind of cross-generational resource pooling is normal.

34, DINKs, HHI around 380k (physician family) in LCOL big city in the south. No debt because the physician did an MD/PhD, so was funded. Own a home worth in the low 500s (not much equity), Retirement 300k, cash savings 50k. Life's great now, but we had some seriously stressful years in our 20s. I'm very grateful we were aggressive with retirement savings during the recession.

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

Strongly disagree. We have spent upwards of 40k on IVF. And we started trying to have kids in our late 20's. We always knew we wanted kids, so we have come to peace with what we have spent because we got what we wanted out of it, but this isn't really great advice. Not everyone can have kids easily, especially in their late 30's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

I disagree with this. There is very often no “right” time to have kids. Many people decide to wait until their late 30s and struggle with infertility or other negative health issues. Have children when you can and make it work. I was warned by my OB in my early 20s that I may have problems with my fertility and so I had my first child in my late 20s, during law school, no less. But I was married and my husband had a decent job and we made it work. At 34 and 39 we are able to max out our retirement accounts and are on schedule to retire when we want to.

+1...don't delay kids. No one can count on being fertile in their late 30s. I had my kids at 28 and 30, in DC no less. So glad I wont have to go through maternity leave and baby phase when I'm 39. I'm 33 now and look forward to retiring at 57.

I don't get the mentality of rushing through every life stage. I recognize that I'm super biased because my mom had me at 41 and she's just the absolute best mother and person. My parents travel all over the world and they still work (not because they have to but because they want to). It's kind of a weird American mentality that "life starts" when you retire / gets kids out of the house. Not that PP is saying all that. Just musing...

Most women aren’t still fertile at 41. Even with considerable fertility intervention. I was infertile at 26 so glad I didn’t have to resort to more invasive stuff since we caught it early. Also, I have career goals that I think will be easier to achieve as my kids are more independent. Now, I’m a mid-level attorney with a newborn and toddler so it’s easier than if I were already a manager with these same demands of family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Delay instant gratification. This includes kids. I really can't stress this enough.

We didn't start having kids until our late 30s because we wanted to purchase a house, whittle away my students loans (still not paid off but the end is in sight), get our retirement investments on the right track, and get a few big promotions.

We are now in a great place to start a small family. The first child will be born this fall. We'll take 6-12 months with the first kid and re-assess.

Again, delay that instant gratification. This economy is unforgiving if you don't have a tech job with crazy salary+benefits or family money.

I disagree with this. There is very often no “right” time to have kids. Many people decide to wait until their late 30s and struggle with infertility or other negative health issues. Have children when you can and make it work. I was warned by my OB in my early 20s that I may have problems with my fertility and so I had my first child in my late 20s, during law school, no less. But I was married and my husband had a decent job and we made it work. At 34 and 39 we are able to max out our retirement accounts and are on schedule to retire when we want to.

+1...don't delay kids. No one can count on being fertile in their late 30s. I had my kids at 28 and 30, in DC no less. So glad I wont have to go through maternity leave and baby phase when I'm 39. I'm 33 now and look forward to retiring at 57.

I don't get the mentality of rushing through every life stage. I recognize that I'm super biased because my mom had me at 41 and she's just the absolute best mother and person. My parents travel all over the world and they still work (not because they have to but because they want to). It's kind of a weird American mentality that "life starts" when you retire / gets kids out of the house. Not that PP is saying all that. Just musing...

35 and 39. HHI $270k. Cash savings $30k (just bought a house so a lot of this was depleted) and retirement savings (401k, Roth, etc) about $700k. We also have some 529 savings for one kid (another on the way).