Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried a number of things to punish DD for her behaviors and none of my efforts worked. I was so angry when I was trying and trying to make her better and it wasn't working at all.

Now I've backed off a lot and instead focus on keeping myself healthy. I started seeing a therapist, I try to get enough sleep, I try to get a workout in most days. I pretty much changed my mindset. I told her that I am here if she wants help and I try to stay quiet when she speaks to me so that she will tell me what is going on. It is very hard not to give my opinion but I'm working on it.

I try to be grateful for what I have and enjoy what I have.

Taking similar approach. How old is your dd?

Yep, same here. I told my husband we should sell the house when she’s 18 and buy a one bedroom with no room for guests.

Anonymous wrote:I tried a number of things to punish DD for her behaviors and none of my efforts worked. I was so angry when I was trying and trying to make her better and it wasn't working at all.

Now I've backed off a lot and instead focus on keeping myself healthy. I started seeing a therapist, I try to get enough sleep, I try to get a workout in most days. I pretty much changed my mindset. I told her that I am here if she wants help and I try to stay quiet when she speaks to me so that she will tell me what is going on. It is very hard not to give my opinion but I'm working on it.

I try to be grateful for what I have and enjoy what I have.

Taking similar approach. How old is your dd?

Anonymous wrote:I have participated in several support groups. One was specifically for parents of special ed kids. Another was for parents of teens through our church. Both have been life-savers-- you get support, ideas and at least feel like you are not alone or crazy.

So try to find a support group for yourself.

What church if I may ask? Looking for this.

Great advice here. At one point I found myself in tears every single day, whether or not anything upsetting had occurred. I dreaded DS coming home from school and upending the balance of the rest of the family. He's in therapy, but it's a long, slow road.

I've started meditating, using an app. That helps, in part because the practice encourages you to disengage and observe--so important when the baiting and arguing start. I also try to protect my sleep and to eat well, and to take a little break each day to read, which is one of my greatest pleasures.

Dealing with a kid like this can make you feel like a big fat failure. It's hard but important to realize you and s/he are separate people.

I tried a number of things to punish DD for her behaviors and none of my efforts worked. I was so angry when I was trying and trying to make her better and it wasn't working at all.

Now I've backed off a lot and instead focus on keeping myself healthy. I started seeing a therapist, I try to get enough sleep, I try to get a workout in most days. I pretty much changed my mindset. I told her that I am here if she wants help and I try to stay quiet when she speaks to me so that she will tell me what is going on. It is very hard not to give my opinion but I'm working on it.

I try to be grateful for what I have and enjoy what I have.

I’ve been eating my feelings to deal with it lately. Spaghetti by the ton, wine by the bottle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a mental health issue but we can get child to therapy despite bribes, taking things away etc. does not care. I’m more asking how the parent copes? I’m having a hard time despite my own therapy, and antidepressants. I feel so alone and sad all the time, the fighting wears me down, the worry is excruciating.

I feel this way too OP. I cry, take hot showers, read in my room to clear my brain until I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. Then I say a prayer for him and go to sleep. It's a rough road.

Me too, OP. Every time someone asks how I'm going, I smile like a Stepford Wife and say "fine." Because I can't be honest. And then I feel like I'm living in a parallel world instead of existing in the normal world. And then I eat, and eat, and continue to pretend like things are ok. I'm sorry, OP and PP. It just sucks.