I saw a recent article on a suicide in my friend’s community. Teen who was also very successful and was the last person you’d think would do it.

In fact, the authorities and friends kept saying he must have been hiding his pain. But the parents just still couldn't believe that. He had just made big plans, was very optimistic day to day.

After some time digging, they discovered It was due to online harassing and threats. He was such a perfectionist (or perhaps one, I don’t know him) that he couldn’t bear to tell his family that he was making mistakes by communicating with this person online (who made him feel like the mistakes were bigger than they were).

Anonymous wrote:So in third grade, she developed a personal code that she would never love anyone and never develop a personal relationship if there was any chance she could be hurt? I think there are many, many signs things were wrong long before the concussion.

Doesn’t make sense. She had built in siblings her whole life as a triplet. She could not possibly be lonely or wall off herself from love and affection..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she may have had bipolar (manic-the extreme superhuman accomplishments and the rage she describes , depressive: struggles that led to suicide)

The description: her thoughts were “never-ending spinning, spinning, spinning” as if they were “never at rest, never at peace” is exactly how my bipolar sister describes herself during a manic phase.

Wow! This was my brother. He could not shut his brain off and so he shut it down the only other option he had left. He jumped. So sad. Very talented, successful, nice, charming and well traveled. But, inside, he was a broken mess. Suicides are increasing exponentially. It is frightening.

My son is there - perfectionist severe anxiety brilliant (like off the charts brilliant), incredible athlete, handsome, funny, sweet....and some days cannot go outside of the house. Really. The struggle is paralyzing for everyone involved.

He is on meds, sees a therapist, but won't go to see one in person - has to do it online. And has only spoken with two of his friends about it - his girlfriend and one other. No one else would ever believe what he suffers from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/book-party/wp/2017/08/11/im-not-right-the-turmoil-and-death-of-a-college-athlete-who-seemed-to-have-it-all/?utm_term=.c11dfd4ff214

And here's another one.

I recently read the book about Maddy Holleran, and for parents it's terribly scary to think this can happen.

I read that book too. So sad and scary. In that case the parents were working hard to get her help but still she couldn't see that things could get better

It's particularly hard to get help for mental illness for someone who is so high achieving and super competent. It can be really hard for them to be able to admit their vulnerability and that they need help. Mental illness (depression/anxiety) combined with perfectionism and fear of failure can be a dangerous mix. My brilliant, college-age DS struggles with this -- fortunately, I think he's finally recognized that it's OK to see a psychiatrist and use medication, but it was tough road to get him there.

Glad to hear your son is understanding that getting help is not a sign of weakness. If he needs more incentive, there are a number of decent articles and stories about several of the current and recent past UVA basketball players Kyle Guy and Isaiah Wilkins who have been open about their struggles with anxiety and depression and how important it is to get help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/book-party/wp/2017/08/11/im-not-right-the-turmoil-and-death-of-a-college-athlete-who-seemed-to-have-it-all/?utm_term=.c11dfd4ff214

And here's another one.

I recently read the book about Maddy Holleran, and for parents it's terribly scary to think this can happen.

I read that book too. So sad and scary. In that case the parents were working hard to get her help but still she couldn't see that things could get better

It's particularly hard to get help for mental illness for someone who is so high achieving and super competent. It can be really hard for them to be able to admit their vulnerability and that they need help. Mental illness (depression/anxiety) combined with perfectionism and fear of failure can be a dangerous mix. My brilliant, college-age DS struggles with this -- fortunately, I think he's finally recognized that it's OK to see a psychiatrist and use medication, but it was tough road to get him there.

Anonymous wrote:https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/book-party/wp/2017/08/11/im-not-right-the-turmoil-and-death-of-a-college-athlete-who-seemed-to-have-it-all/?utm_term=.c11dfd4ff214

And here's another one.

I recently read the book about Maddy Holleran, and for parents it's terribly scary to think this can happen.

I read that book too. So sad and scary. In that case the parents were working hard to get her help but still she couldn't see that things could get better

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So in third grade, she developed a personal code that she would never love anyone and never develop a personal relationship if there was any chance she could be hurt? I think there are many, many signs things were wrong long before the concussion.

Exactly!

This is so tragic

Really? You mean because you’re her family and you knew her well ? Because you miss your daughter? I’m confused as to why you, her family and friends, need to discuss her on an anonymous website .

Huh? We are responding to an article in The NY Times that painted a poignant picture of her life and very tragic death. Her family contributed to the article because they want people to know and understand her, and their love and their loss. Your animosity isn’t appropriate here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So in third grade, she developed a personal code that she would never love anyone and never develop a personal relationship if there was any chance she could be hurt? I think there are many, many signs things were wrong long before the concussion.

Exactly!

This is so tragic

Really? You mean because you’re her family and you knew her well ? Because you miss your daughter? I’m confused as to why you, her family and friends, need to discuss her on an anonymous website .

Anonymous wrote:Where's the other thread? I think it sounds like she was beyond simply super type A. She was clearly fighting some demons all along.

She had a head injury that affected her moods - can you not read??

Anonymous wrote:I read an article about her when she first died. Her sibling said that she had never failed at anything and could not handle the recovery from the accident she suffered on her bike. There are many people in grad school who have never faced failure of any sort and then suddenly can’t adjust to the slog of constant dead ends. I have no idea if grad school was a daunting prospect for her or if it was only the sport that weighed on this girl’s mind.

This woman clearly had some issues she was born with, but this should serve as a warning to all the helicopter and lawnmower parents very few kids are being raised to be resilient. Especially UMC kids. These kids just can't cope.

Anonymous wrote:So in third grade, she developed a personal code that she would never love anyone and never develop a personal relationship if there was any chance she could be hurt? I think there are many, many signs things were wrong long before the concussion.

This. She has a chemical imbalance. Obvious.

I read an article about her when she first died. Her sibling said that she had never failed at anything and could not handle the recovery from the accident she suffered on her bike. There are many people in grad school who have never faced failure of any sort and then suddenly can’t adjust to the slog of constant dead ends. I have no idea if grad school was a daunting prospect for her or if it was only the sport that weighed on this girl’s mind.

Quite bluntly: I don’t know how any high pressure parent can, in good conscience, pressure their child and pile it on like they do, if they truly love their child. Some parents really push too much.

Anonymous wrote:So in third grade, she developed a personal code that she would never love anyone and never develop a personal relationship if there was any chance she could be hurt? I think there are many, many signs things were wrong long before the concussion.

Exactly!

This is so tragic