Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've all been there.

From a stable/loving/respectful married side, can I just tell you...get some heat off of the assholes and enjoy. Don't marry them, don't have kids with them, but get some and have some fun nights out on the town and live it up.

This is weirdly good stuff; don't miss it.

YES to this. They're all the wrong one until the right one. Enjoy what there is to enjoy - and marry someone who does what he says he's going to do.

Doesn't sound OP is into hooking up and jumping on the next D.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t take it personal. You weren’t in a serious relationship yet and he lost interest. There doesn’t need to be a conversation about why he has lost interest and why he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he doesn’t even have a concrete reason to tell you. It doesn’t make him a jerk, asshole, or something else derogatory. Be yourself, love yourself. Repeat this: over, next.

Actually leading someone on is the very definition of being an asshole. And women like you willing to excuse poor behavior are the reason so many men think ghosting is okay.

The last part of your post I agree with.

They weren’t in a relationship. At least, it doesn’t sound like they went on more than a couple dates. They were talking frequently and getting to know each other. At some point you either make a relationship out of it or you don’t. You shouldn’t want or need an explanation for why he lost interest. A week of not hearing from him is enough. Would she feel better if he had sent a text and said, “Im sorry but I won’t be talking to you again because...(insert a truthful reason about what they don’t like about you or why they find someone else superior to you). I don’t think it would matter or feel better. If they had been dating exclusively for months and talking about moving in together, getting engaged, etc. that is different. But a couple dates and some phone calls does not require or need explanation if someone isn’t feeling it anymore.

Maybe she would. Maybe she wouldn't But it really isn't that hard to say" I think we make better friends." " Or this isn't working out. Not Just " I'll call you." When you have no intention of doing so. If you are someone who does that this makes you a liar and an asshole. If you are just a woman who excuse everything guys does thinking it makes you strong you are not strong you are just a pick me. This behavior is rude and wrong . Stop trying to make rudeness and bad manners something women should just accept as part of dating.

Respect and good manners is owed to everyone relationship or not or only a few dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've all been there.

From a stable/loving/respectful married side, can I just tell you...get some heat off of the assholes and enjoy. Don't marry them, don't have kids with them, but get some and have some fun nights out on the town and live it up.

This is weirdly good stuff; don't miss it.

Having my feelings hurt isn't enjoyable. Im not a hookup girl which is probably why he ditched me. I want someone stable/loving/respectful

It's hard to say. Some guys will ditch if you don't sleep with them and they will also ditch you if you do.

D**k is free and abundant, on to the next one(s).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t take it personal. You weren’t in a serious relationship yet and he lost interest. There doesn’t need to be a conversation about why he has lost interest and why he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he doesn’t even have a concrete reason to tell you. It doesn’t make him a jerk, asshole, or something else derogatory. Be yourself, love yourself. Repeat this: over, next.

Actually leading someone on is the very definition of being an asshole. And women like you willing to excuse poor behavior are the reason so many men think ghosting is okay.

The last part of your post I agree with.

They weren’t in a relationship. At least, it doesn’t sound like they went on more than a couple dates. They were talking frequently and getting to know each other. At some point you either make a relationship out of it or you don’t. You shouldn’t want or need an explanation for why he lost interest. A week of not hearing from him is enough. Would she feel better if he had sent a text and said, “Im sorry but I won’t be talking to you again because...(insert a truthful reason about what they don’t like about you or why they find someone else superior to you). I don’t think it would matter or feel better. If they had been dating exclusively for months and talking about moving in together, getting engaged, etc. that is different. But a couple dates and some phone calls does not require or need explanation if someone isn’t feeling it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:We've all been there.

From a stable/loving/respectful married side, can I just tell you...get some heat off of the assholes and enjoy. Don't marry them, don't have kids with them, but get some and have some fun nights out on the town and live it up.

This is weirdly good stuff; don't miss it.

YES to this. They're all the wrong one until the right one. Enjoy what there is to enjoy - and marry someone who does what he says he's going to do.

Anonymous wrote:If he calls/texts again (and he probably will; guys like this are very predictable), do not give him a second chance; he’ll do it again. You’re not a moron, or stupid; you’re inexperienced in dating, and trusted his sincerity. Many of us here have BTDT; its hard to date without collecting some stories about negative experiences. That’s okay — you just need to work on building your self-esteem and not internalizing geez things, or blaming yourself.

This is KEY. It's so much easier to see from the outside. I've been there and it took me a long time to learn this lesson and cultivate the self-esteem needed to weather dating. Also, so often these guys DO come back (when they're horny, when they're lonely, when other leads haven't panned out, or just when they feel up to the effort again). Do yourself a huge favor and move on. I don't think you should be rude (even though they deserve it)--just don't be available to them. Let them know you've moved on and you wish them the best.

It is very important to break the cycle with men like this. Look at your original message--you wonder what YOU did wrong. As you doing everything right will ensure that someone else will treat you respectfully and a relationship will work out.

Of course you want to be your best self.

I recommend the book "attached" about attachment styles. I read it based on a recommendation here and it changed my dating life. I went on to meet my spouse. That book helped me understand myself and others, and recognize what a healthy relationship feels like. Therapy, too.

This happens to me all the time. I've done a lot of online dating. I try not to take it personally, look at it as saving me from some future heartache, continue to not ghost guys I'm not interested in dating, and generally hope for someone to come into my life. It can be very discouraging and I have good self esteem. I do think this is a byproduct of online dating (as someone said, bright shiny object, next best thing).

I've read the Mars/Venus dating book, but that applies to regular dating...and the landscape is VERY different now. I read that book about 8 years ago, and found it very insightful. But I think with the ability to always meet someone new at all hours of the day, makes the likelihood of something developing past a couple dates a lot less likely. It happens, of course. But there is a lot of this stuff in the meantime. That's been my experience.

^^ internalizing *these* things

If he calls/texts again (and he probably will; guys like this are very predictable), do not give him a second chance; he’ll do it again. You’re not a moron, or stupid; you’re inexperienced in dating, and trusted his sincerity. Many of us here have BTDT; its hard to date without collecting some stories about negative experiences. That’s okay — you just need to work on building your self-esteem and not internalizing geez things, or blaming yourself.

Can someone give a short recap of why the book Mars and Venus on a Date is insightful for you?

Anonymous wrote:Don’t take it personal. You weren’t in a serious relationship yet and he lost interest. There doesn’t need to be a conversation about why he has lost interest and why he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he doesn’t even have a concrete reason to tell you. It doesn’t make him a jerk, asshole, or something else derogatory. Be yourself, love yourself. Repeat this: over, next.

Actually leading someone on is the very definition of being an asshole. And women like you willing to excuse poor behavior are the reason so many men think ghosting is okay.

The last part of your post I agree with.

Anonymous wrote:Read this book. I swear I learned so much from it. I wouldn’t be married today without it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/88965.Mars_and_Venus_on_a_Date

Hugs, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

I love this book. Totally changed how I looked at dating. (Look past the all men do X and all women do Y.)

Don’t take it personal. You weren’t in a serious relationship yet and he lost interest. There doesn’t need to be a conversation about why he has lost interest and why he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he doesn’t even have a concrete reason to tell you. It doesn’t make him a jerk, asshole, or something else derogatory. Be yourself, love yourself. Repeat this: over, next.

Give me your number, and I'll call on his behalf.