Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t just quit, but I would use each time as a learning experience. First, I would point out things that don’t go your way and show him how you can get over it. Or tell him stories about when you were frustrated at his age and how you moved past it. Then practice taking deep breaths when he’s calm, not just upset. Make it a family thing, same time each day, like bedtime. Then when you’re heading to the game, talk about what could happen if something doesn’t go his way. Tell him if he cries and screams, he will have to sit on the side with you until he calms down. Then if it happens, pull him immediately and make him sit with you. Set a timer on your phone and tell him if he calms down he can go back, but if he’s not calm in 4 minutes you’re going home. Don’t get mad at him, don’t lecture him, just do it.

Yes! Instead of punishment focused, be teaching focused. Do all what this PP suggested, OP!!

Embrace his competitive side. It's a great personality trait. You might try role playing at home. Throw a pretend temper tantrum over something that isn't fair and then explain that it is similar to what happens all the time in life and throwing a temper tantrum isn't the way to solve the problem. I have done it with my kids when they persist in getting upset over something (my eldest would throw a massive temper tantrum if he got a drop of water on his clothes or a bit of cookie broke off before he could eat it) and they always find it funny to have me imitating them having a melt down. They also realize how ridiculous it looks and stop doing it.

If he has a lot of trouble losing, then he needs opportunities to lose. Don't pull him out of sports.

When he melts down, sit him down until he stops, preferably somewhere where he can watch everyone else having fun.

I wouldn't punish him for crying; he may not be able to help it. I think you should help him learn techniques to manage his frustration. This is part of what you are supposed to learn from sports.

Take him out and try agin in first grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your kid actually just has a really good sense of fairness and is competitive. I play in a competitive sports league and I get annoyed when the other team picks up really good players at the last minute that aren't on the roster. I don't sob about it, but I'm certainly frustrated because it's going against the rules and it's going against good sportsmanship, which is extremely important to me.

So I guess my question to you is: How do you want him to react when he's frustrated about something? Figure out how you want him to react, and then teach him.

I would definitely NOT go home the minute he starts crying. That's straight up punishment and why would you punish him for crying? He's a little kid and is learning. Just have him sit out until he calms down, and talk to him. Say, "You were sad that X, Y or Z happened." Then listen. Then say, "Next time something like this happens, here's what might help..."

This is the best advice on here. Even adults have difficulty when something feels inherently unfair and it takes a lot of control and practice to keep perspective! So yes, train him for the best reactions so that he can handle even more gaps in fairness! I have a feeling he will go far in sports and this will serve him well!

Agree with this. Punishing and shaming for what is likely a developmentally appropriate response for a kid learning how to manage this kind of stuff is not what I would recommend. Try this and I bet he’ll start to work through these feelings and bonus he’ll learn new coping skills. With the other approach he’ll just learn, when I cry I’m punished - aka crying, expressing feelings/confusion=bad.

That is completely normal.

Sports teaches self control... a 5 year old should not expect to have this yet.

It's not different than the kid picking flowers... competitive kids get frustrated, other kids pick flowers.

Don't give up.

Anonymous wrote:I think your kid actually just has a really good sense of fairness and is competitive. I play in a competitive sports league and I get annoyed when the other team picks up really good players at the last minute that aren't on the roster. I don't sob about it, but I'm certainly frustrated because it's going against the rules and it's going against good sportsmanship, which is extremely important to me.

So I guess my question to you is: How do you want him to react when he's frustrated about something? Figure out how you want him to react, and then teach him.

I would definitely NOT go home the minute he starts crying. That's straight up punishment and why would you punish him for crying? He's a little kid and is learning. Just have him sit out until he calms down, and talk to him. Say, "You were sad that X, Y or Z happened." Then listen. Then say, "Next time something like this happens, here's what might help..."

This is the best advice on here. Even adults have difficulty when something feels inherently unfair and it takes a lot of control and practice to keep perspective! So yes, train him for the best reactions so that he can handle even more gaps in fairness! I have a feeling he will go far in sports and this will serve him well!

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. He is our oldest, so this is our first go at this. He loves sports and we definitely aren’t pushing him (we have two other kids, so honestly this is for him not for us). I think we will start talking about being a good sport at home and that we can’t cry/tantrum at sports or else we won’t be able to participate.

I would also say don’t set him up for failure. If it seems like he really can’t do it w/o crying or tantrum it might be best to wait s bit.

My dad was an All-American soccer player. One of the most competitive and driven athletes I have ever met throughout his life. My sibling and I played D1 sports for four years in college and it was in large part due to our upbringing. But my dad had a huge emphasis on sportsmanship in our home. If we were playing card games, we had to have good and gracious sportsmanship. Sportsmanship mattered FAR more than anything else on the soccer field, for sure, and we kids knew that. My brother had a meltdown one day at a practice over a perceived slight/unfairness and my dad very quietly went over and guided him off the field. No lecture. They sat down and Dad just sat with him on the sidelines and watched the rest of the practice with him. It was a gentle, but firm reminder that sportsmanship comes before the sport. That’s all it took. There was never a meltdown again. Don’t make it punitive. No scolding or lectures or shaming or raised voices. Kids are just learning. You want them to love sport. But do let your kid know that if it happens, he will watch the game from the side with you.

I would tell him he has a bad attitude and that we are going to go home if he cannot change course. If I ask “Are you having a bad attitude?” to my 4yo whenever he’s...well... having a bad attitude, he knows he has to straighten up.

I think your kid actually just has a really good sense of fairness and is competitive. I play in a competitive sports league and I get annoyed when the other team picks up really good players at the last minute that aren't on the roster. I don't sob about it, but I'm certainly frustrated because it's going against the rules and it's going against good sportsmanship, which is extremely important to me.

So I guess my question to you is: How do you want him to react when he's frustrated about something? Figure out how you want him to react, and then teach him.

I would definitely NOT go home the minute he starts crying. That's straight up punishment and why would you punish him for crying? He's a little kid and is learning. Just have him sit out until he calms down, and talk to him. Say, "You were sad that X, Y or Z happened." Then listen. Then say, "Next time something like this happens, here's what might help..."

Thanks all. He is our oldest, so this is our first go at this. He loves sports and we definitely aren’t pushing him (we have two other kids, so honestly this is for him not for us). I think we will start talking about being a good sport at home and that we can’t cry/tantrum at sports or else we won’t be able to participate.

A T-Ball coach is most likely a volunteer and while he/she is excited to help the kids is not someoe formally trained to deal with kids having tantrums and melting down. I have 5 and 6 year olds at tennis throwing their racquets on the court and totally ignoring the coach and their parents do nothing. The coach is a high school/college kid. The only sports program I have enrolled my kid in that has “professional” coaches is soccer and those are still college age adults from the UK or some place else for soccer.

It is normal for kids that age to cry and have melt downs and I do think that parents need to pull their kids aside and help them calm down. Fairness is a huge thing at that age and I can see why a kid would be upset that one team got an adult and the other team didn’t. Maybe try and focus on having fun and learning. Practice isn’t aboout keeping score but getting better and playing against an adult should help him get better.

My only complaint is when parents don’t step in and remove their crying/tantruming child from a practice. Most of the Coaches, especially on rec teams, are not trained to deal with those issues. They are there to try and teach young kids about a sport that they love and try and help the kids have fun. They don’t have the skills to focus on the kid who is upset or having a tantrum. I have no problem with a kid returning after they have calmed down but please don’t leave it to the coach.

OP, it is hard with a kid who is competitive but trying to focus on the idea that they are learning how to play and that it is ok for thigns to not go perfectly. Keep helping yur kid when he is crying. I would only leave practice if he is having a full on tantrum. Crying is a sign of frustration, tiredness, something that can be addressed. A tantrum is somethng a bit different and I would say warrents heading home.

My now 5 yr old doesn’t really have meltdowns anymore but did at 4 - and before anyone jumps on me, these aren’t competitive sports, rather activities based on exactly that age like little kickers and blast ball. He would get frustrated if he thought people weren’t taking turns or being orderly or if something wasn’t fair. If he cried, he had to leave the field. If he wanted to talk about it, he could, but he had to leave the field for that, too. Some sports aren’t a good fit for him as he has very rigid feelings about rules but we consider exercise and sports to be good for kids and age appropriate situations to be opportunities to learn and play and burn some energy. Some days were better than others, but he still had to show up each week because he said he wanted to play and its important to show up even if you are not having a great day.