It’s not a requirement to be happy. My mom once said to me all I want for you is to be happy. Um what ? Why ? I don’t have to be happy to please anyone. Not a rule of life . Live and die is all that’s required.

If you are prone to depression and your wife is too, why are you having kids together when you arr both unhealthy.

Do you think a baby will make her any better? She's going to feel worse once she experiences pelvic floor damage, tiger stripes and horrible weight gain that isn't easy to undo.

Good grief. Without kids, what exactly are these chores you aren’t (or supposedly aren’t) doing? If she and you think this is a problem now, kids make it 10 times more challenging. Aside from the emotional work of kids already mentioned

Anonymous wrote:Op, two of the issues you cited and things YOU can do something about. It's YOUR behavior. What are you doing to address those issues? You say "she isn't doing anything about it" but two of the factors require action on your part. What are you doing to be a better relationship partner?

OP here, I fully recognize my role in causing these issues. She's said that she needs me to be better at taking care of household chores before she asks me, so I'm making a conscious effort to do so. I'm also being better at showing her affection, and making her feel loved, and engaging in conversation with her, instead of just playing on my phone all night. But, the issue lies with the other 3/5 problems, as she's not doing anything to help herself there I feel.

OP here, with some follow ups...

- I'm thinking her depression may be a medical issue, and not one that's situational. Her mom has depression, and I know she (her mom) has been on medication on and off, so the fact that depression is in her genes leads me to believe that it's something that medicine may be more helpful for (but again, I'm not a doctor).

- Regarding the TTC conversation, she's been open about not wanting to TTC until our marriage is in a good place, so I do think that the conversation about wanting to get her other issues in order before TTC won't be as negatively received as anticipated.

I'll be honest, the thing that really sent me over the edge was her "the therapists don't get me" comment. There must be hundreds of therapists in the DMV, I can't believe that there's not one that would understand her issues.

I've been visiting therapists on and off for my own issues relating to anxiety/depression (some are related to my relationship with her, some are not). Lately, i've been overwhelmed with her issues (among other things), and i'm thinking of restarting my therapist visits. I'm wondering if I frame it as "I'm having my own issues, but I want you to be able to focus on getting yourself better," it will give her the push to go to therapy for herself? I just hate to feel like I'm deceiving her.

Op, two of the issues you cited and things YOU can do something about. It's YOUR behavior. What are you doing to address those issues? You say "she isn't doing anything about it" but two of the factors require action on your part. What are you doing to be a better relationship partner?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she considered taking to her doctor or psychiatrist about medication? You can't effectively treat biologically-based depression (as opposed to situational depression) through talk therapy alone.

OP here...she was on medication for depression a year or two ago (can’t recall which specific medication), but she stopped as she felt that it didn’t make a difference.

Different meds work for different people. She needs to try a different one.

There are other solutions besides medication. Stop the agenda.

Stop your agenda.

I know rite? They are probably a Scientologist

Without medication I don't have the energy to DO any of the other things that everyone is always on about like exercise and meditation etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she considered taking to her doctor or psychiatrist about medication? You can't effectively treat biologically-based depression (as opposed to situational depression) through talk therapy alone.

OP here...she was on medication for depression a year or two ago (can’t recall which specific medication), but she stopped as she felt that it didn’t make a difference.

Different meds work for different people. She needs to try a different one.

There are other solutions besides medication. Stop the agenda.

Stop your agenda.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she considered taking to her doctor or psychiatrist about medication? You can't effectively treat biologically-based depression (as opposed to situational depression) through talk therapy alone.

OP here...she was on medication for depression a year or two ago (can’t recall which specific medication), but she stopped as she felt that it didn’t make a difference.

Different meds work for different people. She needs to try a different one.

There are other solutions besides medication. Stop the agenda.

Get her into some new hobbies? Maybe together? Hope she incorporates some exercise into her day?

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/331696

Tell her that she seems unhappy about everything and she’s not being a good partner and you hope that she’ll figure out some changes?

100% agree dont TTC. My Depression started after having my kids. Babies bring joy but they also take up so much emotional energy and sleep that it will make things worse. They cannot fill a void of sadness. Only you as an adult can do that for yourself or in your DWs case- herself.

Definitely do not have a baby!!!

I would tell her she MUST seek help, including medication or the relationship is in jeopardy. Offer to find her a new therapist yourself and make her the first appointment. These things are hard to when you are depressed.