Anonymous wrote:My daughter is about to graduate from college and she was talking about some of the girls on her campus who are already engaged. In some ways, she described it as a cop-out. Getting married and having kids is easier than having to go through all that shit: THe crappy room in the row house on capitol hill, the crappy first apartment; the first job; the job hunt. The ones who are getting married seem to be preoccupied with home furnishings and pinterest pages while everyone else is thinking about things like resumes and budgets.

crappy room in a shared apartment is not some mandatory part of growing up. It’s due to Americans having a twisted view of families where living with ones parents is considered bad.

I am a European and I have two siblings. All of us lived with our parents through college (which is much more rigorous than American undergrad anywhere), and after it until we got married and moved away. We paid rents. We are all successful married adults.

When I was in my 20s I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I know everyone matures at different rates, but now that getting married and having kids right out of college/high school is not the default, there is more of a license for self exploration in one’s 20s, particularly for women. I do not regret those years of freedom at all, particularly now that I have all the responsibilities of parenthood.

Yes, I would think it very odd if my children had children in their early 20s. It is isn't something that UMC people do. I had my first child at 32 and I was the first of my friends to do so- though many followed shortly after. I would see early 30s as the perfect time to have kids, but I know it doesn't always work out that way.

Anonymous wrote:Society has convinced many ambitious women that having a baby before you’re established is a career killer. I see this as a policy issue. Why don’t we have support to enable more women to work and have kids when they are most fertile? (Think: affordable daycare)

I agree with you, but you read the threads here and you can see why that happens. Women are told that if they are 5 years out of the workplace, they are essentially un-hirable, and that their skills are gone and their education is worthless. I think this is bullcrap, but it's the mentality of many of those doing the hiring.

Society has convinced many ambitious women that having a baby before you’re established is a career killer. I see this as a policy issue. Why don’t we have support to enable more women to work and have kids when they are most fertile? (Think: affordable daycare)

So there’s a big variation of people in their early 20s. I’m 34 so in the older millennial demographic. I’m also from the Midwest and attended weddings of my friends during and right after college. I personally got married at 25. This was seen as a very normal/average age in my hometown/area in general. Many of my friends/classmates/acquaintances got married at 21-23 and had kids basically right away BUT at the same time both partners had college degrees and decent jobs with benefits. I also knew/still know a lot of enlisted military families. I would say the “had kids at age 25 or earlier” set did, overall, get more family help than those who had kids later but again, they also grew up in families/cultures where this was the norm and where grandparents expected to help out.

I also knew people who were still partying, going out almost every night, not married or even seriously dating in this same age group. One of them got pregnant and it was seriously shocking to everyone. They ended up continuing to date, had the baby, eventually moved in together and got married and had another kid. Another got pregnant and rushed into marriage before the kid was born and it ended horribly for everyone. So it really, really just depends on the couple. There are still huge areas of the country where relatively young marriage and 2 kids by your late 20s is the norm and it works for them, but if you get pregnant from a FWB when you’re in grad school then yeah I could see how that would be shocking/unusual.

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Teen pregnancies have decreased, and people marry and have kids later. I was looked at weirdly when I was pregnant at 25, plus it didn’t help that I looked young for my age.

And, no regrets at all!

Yes.

Teen pregnancies have decreased, and people marry and have kids later. I was looked at weirdly when I was pregnant at 25, plus it didn’t help that I looked young for my age.

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

Yes, but the flip side is those of us who had children in their mid-late 30s and have regrets they didn't do it sooner (raises hand).

PP here. I also got a million comments about being a child bride when I was married and 25, mostly from my peers. I’m an older millennial. Now, 10 years and three kids later, many of my peers seem jealous of my personal life and lament not settling doen earlier (might be just my acquaintances though). It’s weird.

Anonymous wrote:I saw this mentioned on another web site today (Refinery29 - for Millennials) and that a lot of people agree with it.

What do you think?


I'm from an older generation (Gen X) and this type of thinking honestly surprises me. Generally people tell teens not to get pregnant because they're not independent yet and can't afford to have a baby. That's the main issue. But people who have graduated from college might have good enough jobs to be able to afford one.

Fwiw, I had my first child at 26 and I feel that these Millenials would be judging the heck out of me! But we were making over 200k at the time, we could easily afford a baby. Shrug.

I’m Gen X. When I had my first child at 21, I only knew two other women my age who were mothers. Throughout my twenties and early 30s, I was always younger than other moms by 10-15 years.

Honestly, around here, I felt like a teen mom when I had my first at 27! A lot of people could not understand why I’d do such a thing intentionally.

I think it's the new teen pregnancy because we're getting married much later. So whereas many early and mid 20-somethings previously would have already been married and therefore having kids was seen as normal, I've seen a lot of unmarried 20-somethings get pregnant presumably accidentally and I imagine there is more pressure (both external and self-imposed) to keep the baby when you're not a teen anymore and you could feasibly care for it even if it might derail certain career and life goals. I know like 4 people off the top of my head who got pregnant and then went on to get married, or got pregnant while they were engaged. I think the judgement (which I'm guilty of) comes from knowing it's probably an accident (like teen pregnancy).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

How can it be a bad life choice to have children when you're biologically at your peak AND you make enough money to easily support them?>

OP said she was making 200k at 26, which is a great income for mid twenty somethings. One can only assume their income rose from there...

26 isn't early 20s.

Most 20-23 year olds aren't making enough money to support a family. Generations ago they would have been. That's the difference.

A lot of it is just accepting a low standard of living for young families, which isn’t as common here. I knew some Mormon families in the DC area when my first was a baby. They were early 20s, in grad school, working PT opposite shifts so each could cover childcare shifts, living in a truly crappy 1 BR apt and only shopping at Aldi. And that was normal to them the way being poor in college might be normal to us. The expectation was that you make it work and it’s get comfortable later.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is about to graduate from college and she was talking about some of the girls on her campus who are already engaged. In some ways, she described it as a cop-out. Getting married and having kids is easier than having to go through all that shit: THe crappy room in the row house on capitol hill, the crappy first apartment; the first job; the job hunt. The ones who are getting married seem to be preoccupied with home furnishings and pinterest pages while everyone else is thinking about things like resumes and budgets.

Just curious, how are they affording to furnish a house? Is this a Southern school?