My two boys are almost 3 years apart. I second many of the above recommendations and have one to add - once you are healed and have your shit at least somewhat together (for me, this was like 6-8 weeks in), keep your older kid home from daycare sometimes. It's hard to have both kids alone, but I found this was really important to helping my older son bond with and adjust to the baby. He took being mommy's helper really seriously and I think it made him feel proud. Also, it will work wonders for your confidence as a new mom of 2.

Don't expect your toddler to be finished with the "transition to a family of 4" in a nice and neat time frame of a few days or week. It may takes months for your older child to adjust.

I was expecting some more typical behavior out of my 2 year old, like expressing anger at the baby. But she had none of that. She was pretty neutral to positive towards the baby. Yet! We started getting some huge wicked tantrums. About other things. But of course in hindsight it became so obvious that it was all about her adjustment to the new baby.

I also think with a two year old big sibling, you can't expect too much independence out of them. You can try for it, yes. But have realistic goals. Your two year old is still really little, try to remember that. They can seem so big all of a sudden with a newborn. Now that my 2nd kid is 2 I realize just how little my older one was, and that I was definitely too hard on her at time expecting too much (ex: doing what I asked like "please get in the bath tub" where she'd just dig in and say no as a way to express stress). Which lead to more stress and tantrums.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the 2.5 year old potty trained if she/he isn't already.

+ 1

You won’t have time to potty train with a newborn.

-1! I dissent.

I waited to potty train my older child until the baby was 6 months old. It was the best decision ever. So many kids regress with this when a new baby shows up, I just didn't want the hassle. Granted mine were a little closer together, about 26 months apart. I potty trained my first 2 months before she turned 3 and it was incredibly easy with NO accidents. I highly recommend the strategy .

I agree with this. I followed advice to potty train my 2.5 year old and she regressed when the baby came along, wanting Mommy's attention and perhaps just from the overall level of activity/energy in the home. It was a lot of unnecessary stress and work on my part and I wish I had just waited.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the 2.5 year old potty trained if she/he isn't already.

+ 1

You won’t have time to potty train with a newborn.

-1! I dissent.

I waited to potty train my older child until the baby was 6 months old. It was the best decision ever. So many kids regress with this when a new baby shows up, I just didn't want the hassle. Granted mine were a little closer together, about 26 months apart. I potty trained my first 2 months before she turned 3 and it was incredibly easy with NO accidents. I highly recommend the strategy .

Cup of jo re-posted an old post on this today and I thought it had good ideas. It says sibling rivalry but I thought it was helpful in a broader sense too: https://cupofjo.com/2014/06/sibling-rivalry-5-tricks-and-tips/

Night nanny-best money ever spent maybe ever. I also had her come early one night a week and watch both kids so we could go out. There were weeks that the thought that I was going to go out actually got me through the week. Do not try to be a hero and one of those parents who say they don't want help and never need to go out alone with spouse. You do. Whatever you decide you have to own it. I had a lot of judgy friends who are now divorced and I think the stress of the second kid did them in. Also--once you get to three years old, it is so easy. Also with help 0-12 months is so easy. Just 1-3 were hard. I now have tween and teen and I think it is harder than when they were little. Good luck!