One of the best experiences I ever had while earning my teaching degree was reading an article on the “boy problem.” It bemoaned the looming crisis in the generation coming up, the rudeness, the criminality. The kicker is that it was written in the early 20th century.

Much of what freaks us out isn’t really a change in behavior, it’s the same behaviors looking different because culture changes over time. Relax.

I don't have a problem with politeness in the kids I know. I do, however, think we are all so incredibly disconnected from ourselves and each other as a result of looking at these f'ing screens all day. Yes, I'm a hypocrite as I frequent this site. I should be reading a book or breathing or just about anything else. It's a compulsion that numbs me. We're sick.

I grew up with parents who forced me to talk to every adult we encountered and it ended up inducing a lot of anxiety for me. I was on the shy side and talking to a lot of adults I didn't know well was really uncomfortable, especially when they'd ask me to tell them their name ("Don't you know who I am, I met you a year ago..What's my name?) etc. I still carry some of that anxiety around with me today when meeting new people or making small talk with people I'm not close with.

My 7 year old DS seems to be the exact same way. I don't force it with him. He knows he needs to say please and thank you and there have never been any issues at school. He went through a short phase of not asking for things politely, and he quickly learned he wouldn't get what he was asking for when he didn't ask politely so that turned around pretty quickly.

I am a teacher and sometimes I'm shocked at the lack of manners that some of my students have, but then I meet their parents and it becomes clear why they are the way they are.

I'm more afraid about raising a generation of kids on a warming planet. That is pretty impolite of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read the thread on the people calling the mother a monster because she spanked her willfully year old and you have your answer.

+1 ITA Some pretty permissive and wishy washy parents out there.

You don’t need to smack a kid to be a good parent. Unless you live in a trailer park and then, well, everyone else is doing it do...

No, but giving into your child isn't be a "good" parent, either. That's what produces spoiled impolite kids.

Some of us know that there's a middle ground between "making" and teaching/encouraging/reinforcing. Sometimes you lean toward "making," other times you take a gentler approach; you read the situation, you act accordingly.

-Mom of two polite, bright and well-behaved daughters

Anonymous wrote:I'm not. We work on manners and looking people in the eye etc at 3. I don't give into tantrums and make her wash hands before dinner, clean up, sit st dinner, eat with mouth closed etc. it's exhausting but worth it.
I've met plenty of very polite and well behaved children in our neighborhood. Anywhere from 6 to 15 years old. Several of the older ones have been mothers helpers, babysitters, have done hard work for us etc. They all made an impression of responsible and well behaved people.

Thanks this is encouraging. And yes it is seriously exhausting work!

I'm not. We work on manners and looking people in the eye etc at 3. I don't give into tantrums and make her wash hands before dinner, clean up, sit st dinner, eat with mouth closed etc. it's exhausting but worth it.
I've met plenty of very polite and well behaved children in our neighborhood. Anywhere from 6 to 15 years old. Several of the older ones have been mothers helpers, babysitters, have done hard work for us etc. They all made an impression of responsible and well behaved people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you live in the DC area?

Yes. Is it different elsewhere?

Yes. Quite.
I have lived in DC, southern VA, SC, and north Florida. The kids in DC were the most impolite. The children in SC had the best manners (and no, before you ask DCUM, they weren't all racist Christian fundamentalists.) We now live in FL and *for the most part* the teens here make eye contact, use please and thank you, can have conversations with adults. I have never heard a parent permit a child to refuse to say hello, like I did in DC all the time. There is a higher expectation for kids to have manners and the good behavior is encouraged in schools.

Very interesting. But aren't the majority of DC parents transplants? I would think they would bring some of the values you've experienced elsewhere with them. And yes - OMG not requiring a kid to say hello is one of my personal pet peeves. I will drill that into my kids if I have to die trying!

A**holes raise little a**holes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you live in the DC area?

Yes. Is it different elsewhere?

Yes. Quite.
I have lived in DC, southern VA, SC, and north Florida. The kids in DC were the most impolite. The children in SC had the best manners (and no, before you ask DCUM, they weren't all racist Christian fundamentalists.) We now live in FL and *for the most part* the teens here make eye contact, use please and thank you, can have conversations with adults. I have never heard a parent permit a child to refuse to say hello, like I did in DC all the time. There is a higher expectation for kids to have manners and the good behavior is encouraged in schools.

Just look how many people think jumping on a rec center couch is ok...yes, lots of overly permissive parents out there.

Honestly, no, my parents were hippies and they didn't drill please and thank you into me. I decided later, in my late teens, that these courtesies are polite and make people happy.

I don't think you need to worry about that, OP. There are plenty of real worries out there.

Have to agree that I see too many parents that are poor role models. Esp on the basic politesse of introducing themselves, acting like someone else is not there, staring at phone, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read the thread on the people calling the mother a monster because she spanked her willfully year old and you have your answer.

+1 ITA Some pretty permissive and wishy washy parents out there.

You don’t need to smack a kid to be a good parent. Unless you live in a trailer park and then, well, everyone else is doing it do...