Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

No, I am usually of the no big deal kind. But, she is clearly stressed about the other two, didn't pay attention to her older, and then she hit him, after allowing him to read and stay up late. He has to manage his time better...he is ten, maybe he can, maybe he can't. Impression is that OP is putting too much pressure on the oldest child who is generally a good kid. This is so typical, good kid has to manage his time, do everything right, never gets a pass, and I bet you OP is more strict on him. Older kids know and recognize this parental behavior. OP should apologize and explain that she was also wrong about letting him stay up. Just because other two are pains doesn't mean she bullies the oldest child and doesn't parent him.
OP, I say this honestly, there is no regret in your posts, that is the most troubling part. Even parents that smack a kid who deserve it(which I am not sure what that is...) feel remorse, you don't seem to. Why is that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

I will apologize to him after school. Obviously not my proudest moment.

He had a massive attitude during breakfast when I asked him a few questions about his test today. It was obvious he was unprepared. I got upset because I asked him if he had any exams this week and he said he had no homework yesterday.

I've been there OP. I get upset at my kids for purposefully lying to me about HW and tests, and throw in the attitude, that would make it worse.

Lesson learned for both parties, hopefully, and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

I get frustrated with my kids. I'm by no means a perfect parent. But I don't hit them.

That's great for you. Seriously. Have you ever had a willfull child not get on the school bus? If so, what did you do? If not, then you are "holier than thou".

I have never (knock on wood) had this issue, but if I did, I'm not sure how I would handle it, so I don't pass judgement on OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you lashed out at the good kid because you are stressed with the other two?
So, yelling and screaming and then hitting? You had to hit him? Really, you HAD to? Usually, my response would be, oh well, one time, no big deal. However, this time you know are did wrong and you know you took your frustration on your good child. You need to apologize. Also, how old is this child? If there was homework to be done, is he old enough to be in charge of it?

He is 10. He has been reading non-stop. I have been letting him read late and that is why he is tired. I usually don’t limit reading but he is going to have to better manage his time for school work.

So you set him up for failure.

Our rule is that we can try it your way, but if it doesn't work, we try it my way going forward. So if his way was staying up late reading and then he couldn't get up in time in the morning, his way clearly didn't work and the next day we do it my way (turning out the light at a reasonable time).

That doesn't address how you would handle the next morning, though. Perhaps OP has learned that lesson and will no longer "allow" her DS to stay up reading so late.

My DS is a great kid. He's 13. Straight A student. He *loves* to read. He told me that when he was younger, after I turned off his light and said good night to him and go downstairs, he would use a flashlight to read some more. He never has tried to purposefully miss the bus though. And he agrees that getting enough sleep is important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

I get frustrated with my kids. I'm by no means a perfect parent. But I don't hit them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

I will apologize to him after school. Obviously not my proudest moment.

He had a massive attitude during breakfast when I asked him a few questions about his test today. It was obvious he was unprepared. I got upset because I asked him if he had any exams this week and he said he had no homework yesterday.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of holier than thou parents here.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, smack your kid. It’s apparn rly leagal, and accepted in some circles.

Did it accomplish what you want it to? Will your child now listen to yiur out respect, or out of fear?

If your spouse did the same to you, would you now do what they wanted you to do out of respect or out of fear?

If this child is normally your “good one”, how do you envision discipline to yiur two younger children?

As with every topic, some think it is not a big deal while others will say it is physical abuse.

I was not abused. I got spanked once in a while and I deserved it.

Some poorly behaved kids deserve a good spanking.

I was an A Student, and never rocked the boat at home. Did I deserve a good spanking? I mean, my mom thought so. For things like being late, or not going to sleep when I was supposed to.

And do you think you need therapy for this? If you came home late, I assume you were a teen? Most people would agree that spanking a teen is not ok. OP's kid is 10. Perspective people.

A lot of holier than thou parents here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you lashed out at the good kid because you are stressed with the other two?
So, yelling and screaming and then hitting? You had to hit him? Really, you HAD to? Usually, my response would be, oh well, one time, no big deal. However, this time you know are did wrong and you know you took your frustration on your good child. You need to apologize. Also, how old is this child? If there was homework to be done, is he old enough to be in charge of it?

He is 10. He has been reading non-stop. I have been letting him read late and that is why he is tired. I usually don’t limit reading but he is going to have to better manage his time for school work.

So your poor parenting led you to “smack” your child? Talk about setting up a 10 year old for failure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop better parenting tools. What is your plan for if this happens in the future? Why is he afraid to fail a test? What will you do to him then?

You said "I had to smack him." You need to take a good hard look at yourself. People here tend to encourage parents to forgive themselves and let it go, etc. No. What you did is abusive.

eh.. we all make parenting mistakes. I'm sure the kid is no worse for wear. Did OP smack the kid on the face, on the behind, upside the head? Those are all different, imo, and I actually did experience some abuse as a kid. I can tell the difference between actual abuse and a smack on the backside.

Glad you feel that way.

I also experienced abuse as a kid. Sexual, physical, emotional. We had the police in our home. I remember some of those times clear as day, and not all of them are “noteworthy”. Let me tell you this: I’m worse for the wear. Strangely, it’s the “ones on the backside” that I remember the most, because they weren’t just the ones that were random, but the ones that were meant to control me. But hey.. YMMV.

A CHILD gets to pick what they feel is abuse.

You clearly need therapy then. There is abuse and then there is *abuse*. Clearly, you suffered really bad abuse. A few smacks as a kid is not the same level. No child psychologist will tell you that a couple of smacks on the behind as a kid will result in life long issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you lashed out at the good kid because you are stressed with the other two?
So, yelling and screaming and then hitting? You had to hit him? Really, you HAD to? Usually, my response would be, oh well, one time, no big deal. However, this time you know are did wrong and you know you took your frustration on your good child. You need to apologize. Also, how old is this child? If there was homework to be done, is he old enough to be in charge of it?

He is 10. He has been reading non-stop. I have been letting him read late and that is why he is tired. I usually don’t limit reading but he is going to have to better manage his time for school work.

So you set him up for failure.

Our rule is that we can try it your way, but if it doesn't work, we try it my way going forward. So if his way was staying up late reading and then he couldn't get up in time in the morning, his way clearly didn't work and the next day we do it my way (turning out the light at a reasonable time).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you lashed out at the good kid because you are stressed with the other two?
So, yelling and screaming and then hitting? You had to hit him? Really, you HAD to? Usually, my response would be, oh well, one time, no big deal. However, this time you know are did wrong and you know you took your frustration on your good child. You need to apologize. Also, how old is this child? If there was homework to be done, is he old enough to be in charge of it?

He is 10. He has been reading non-stop. I have been letting him read late and that is why he is tired. I usually don’t limit reading but he is going to have to better manage his time for school work.

He is ten. You are expecting too much. You manage his time to him. Get a grip instead of beating your child, turn off the light and make sure he is sleeping. Some are able, some are not. You know this was about taking your stress on him, you know you have been "letting" him read when you should have turned the light off. So, you see late at night that he is still reading, you are letting him to this, instead of parenting, and then you smack him for being 10 years old? Ha. So, it is ok for you to ease up on your duties, but not for him?

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not have let him miss the bus. Obviously, not your best parenting moment, but hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. When I make parenting mistakes, I own up to it with my kids at the end of the day, and they are forgiving. But, I do tell them *why* I was so upset, and they usually apologize if they did wrong, and own up to it.

I think you were in a tough spot. How do you make a child get on the bus if the child physically refuses to budge? I have seen parents allow their kids to not take the bus, and instead the parent will drive them to school. IMO, that's just giving in to your kid's tantrum.

+1 on this. Apologize without any buts (no I am sorry, but...). Just apologize.
But a kid getting a smack one time is not an abused child. Just a kid being raised by an imperfect parent, like most of us.

Anonymous wrote:So you lashed out at the good kid because you are stressed with the other two?
So, yelling and screaming and then hitting? You had to hit him? Really, you HAD to? Usually, my response would be, oh well, one time, no big deal. However, this time you know are did wrong and you know you took your frustration on your good child. You need to apologize. Also, how old is this child? If there was homework to be done, is he old enough to be in charge of it?

He is 10. He has been reading non-stop. I have been letting him read late and that is why he is tired. I usually don’t limit reading but he is going to have to better manage his time for school work.