Anonymous wrote:A therapist might be able to help your friend. Encourage her to find one ASAP. I am sure you are very caring, but this is way beyond most of our abilities.

This. A therapist can really help her think through this. She likely doesn't even need that many sessions.

I've just found out I have a half brother who is 1 day older than me. I haven't had a relationship with my father since a child. I've always known what he was like but this was a bit of a shock. I'm happy to get to know my brother but in a bit of a mind spin still at the moment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL found out that she has a half-sister. SIL's father got a 22 year old pregnant as a 19 year old. She has never met her half-sister and has no intention to as her father spent his entire life screwing around and this is one more piece of the evidence.

What does the father’s sexual history have to do with sisters having a relationship as adults?

It's a just a reminder of the lies in their family. It changes who they think they were.

I have half siblings on one side who really just don't want anything to do with me. One has a curious interest, but not much else. Two are polite, but the others made zero effort.
This is because it's just too painful and complicated for them to realize and accept their parent's serial affairs. There's more of me, too. Several of us. How they didn't realize, considering the facts that came out, but were also apparent at the time, is beyond me.
On the other side, there's more contact, it's more congenial, but still quite distant- which is fine. They weren’t as shocked or saddened because they knew more.

Am I hurt? Not really. I might have been maybe 20 years ago, but not now. We aren't going to be family, really. I'm just a reminder of secrets and pain. That's not who I am, in my mind. I am not, nor do I wish to be, a symbol of pain or burden.

Having said that, this in NO ways excuses or discounts the knowledge of such. All adoptees should know who they are, who their parents were. They should not be swept under the rug to keep secrets from surfacing. What happens after that is between the parties, but uncovering the issue is important. DNA is a good thing and will lead to knowledge that heals eventually.

I have a friend who did. He already came from a large blended family. He’s the only kid of his bio mom and dad but ended up with many half siblings from each parent after they remarried. Primarily grew up with dad, step mom and half siblings on that side.
One Christmas a few years ago, dad let them know he’d had an extra marital affair which resulted in a child. Enter the new half brother they never knew about! Some of the siblings felt like the dad’s conduct was hard to forgive, but my friend said he has enjoyed getting to know the new found half sibling. I think it helps that he is not local to the parents, so only sees them when he goes to visit.

I have been in reunion with two half-Sisters for years now, both that my mother had been forced to relinquish for adoption. They are lovely and they are like missing pieces in my life. I never had sisters and although it doesn’t feel like the sisterly relationship I always dreamed of, it’s still really nice. I love them both.

The sad thing is, my mom died never knowing her daughter. Longer story that I’ve posted about here before, but the short story is that the nuns lied to her and told her that her baby had died; instead she was healthy and living less than an hour from us. And I found her through Ancestry DNA a year after my mom’s death.

My sisters have been on vacations with us and we have done a few holidays together. They are family.

My father died suddenly when I was 11 and I found out then that he had been married before and I had 4 half siblings. It upset me a lot, I only had my Moms opinion on what happened, I never go to ask him before he died.
I am now 47 and am fb friends with 2 of them. No contact with the others thru their choice. We live in different countries now.

Fast forward and 8yo DD is adopted. We knew about 2 bio siblings and so we told her. It is very hard, it is hard to bring up with a happy kid, like adding trauma they dont need, but base don my experience i didnt want her to find out when she was older and know we kept it from her. She has no contact with them or her bio Mom but it IS an open adoption so it may happen down the road.

If you are the parent of a kid and you know about bio siblings you need to tell them sooner rather than later, however hard it may be for you.

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if anyone else can share their experiences with learning as an adult (20+) that you have half siblings and what thoughts you had about this? I am trying to understand my BFF's situation as she recently was contacted by a 10 years older half sister that she did not know existed and seems to be having a very difficult time processing it and responding appropriately. Her parents are divorced and she is estranged from her father, the father of the half sibling. Thanks!

My half sibling didn’t know about us, but we knew about him. He said it was shocking, but ultimately he’s thrilled to know us.

I have recently been contacted by my half sister, or I should say my sister, since she doesn't like to be called half. When I was around 4 years my parents seperated for a few years and got together with my sisters mom who was married and became pregnant. My little sister never knew until she overheard an arguement about her when she was 21. Her dad died when she was 27 and has been searching since. She finally found me and we are meeting this coming weekend and she will stay with me and visit "Dad's " gravesite. It is so weird and I am looking forward to meeting her, it is crazy that I am now 56 and she is 51. I had always wanted a sister since I have two older brothers and now she is here and my heart is open to this new chapter in life. I am embracing this gift!

Recently met my half sister, I am in my 60s she's in her 70s. I knew about her but was never able to find her. Our father never gave us any info about her although my mom did, but mom did not know where to find her and dad died in the 1970s. Thanks to Ancestry.com we have now found each other. It was a joy to meet her recently, she doesn't live far from me. Was able to fill in a lot of blanks for her about her father whose name was not allowed to be spoken by her after he abandoned the family when she was young. We agree that what he robbed us both (and siblings) of was the opportunity to know each other and have a relationship all these years.

Two cases I know of, with very different outcomes.

My mom was 25 when a random woman showed up on her doorstep claiming to be a half-sister. The story was complicated, but ended up being true: a divorce of my grandfather and his first wife, with a bitter custody battle over their baby, which (being the 1940s) ended with custody going to the mom, who promptly disappeared to Mexico. Grandfather remarried a couple years later to my grandmother, and never really spoke of his first marriage again. He assumed they were just gone from his life forever, whether he wanted that or not. Fast forward to the 1960s, half-sister showed up. Once she realized that my grandfather had no fortune for her to inherit, she disappeared again, and nobody has heard from her since.

Other story, this time of a friend. Her mom, pregnant at age 15 in the 1950s, had been sent off to a “home for girls” to give birth, at which point the baby was adopted off, and the mom sent back home after “a semester abroad”. High school boyfriend had of course moved on by then. Mom married after college and gave birth to my friend. They all reconnected when both kids were in their 20s. Turns out the first baby was adopted by a wonderful, loving couple who couldn’t have kids of their own. They gave the baby a childhood that every parent would want for their child, and they love him dearly, and encouraged a relationship with his birth mom and half-siblings. Everyone treats each other like family now. Christmas at their house is awesome: “How do you know the Smiths?” “Oh, my sister is married to Joe, who is Peter’s brother (they’re both adopted, their parents are over there by the Christmas tree), Peter is Mrs Smith’s half-brother. Mrs Smith’s mom - also my BIL Peter’s birthmom - is in the living room playing showtunes on the piano.”

My bio father told my half brother about me when he was dying. I am 11 years older than my half brother. He was very hurt that his dad had lied to him for 16 years about him being the only child. He is very willing to get to know me better. He lives on another continent, so we have not met in person. He reached out to me a few years ago.

There is a whole series on netflix called long lost families. It is all about finding family members. It is british. She might find it interesting.

I was a bit younger-late teens- when I found out I have a half brother. It was the first time since infancy that I met my biological father. I asked (stupidly) if he had a family and he told me he remarried and had a son. I don’t know if the son knows about me. I don’t remember his name. I don’t want anything to do with him or any of them. As the older child who was abandoned, then replaced, it’s hurtful that my father could turn around in a matter of a few years and become a good dad and husband after ditching us. I’m sure the relationship between my father and mother was complicated, but for a parent to abandon an infant is inexcusable.

I’m not sure how I’d feel as the younger sibling in that scenario. I’d probably be open to starting a relationship if the older sibling wanted, but I doubt I’d push it. It’s complicated.

My daughter has three brothers by two women ...that live less than 20 minutes away from us. They are all under the age of six (my daughter is an infant) and their dad is a complete narcissistic basketcase.

It hurts that she may miss out on knowing them as their moms are both estranged, but I hope one day the children can all get together and find connection.