Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:31     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mind your own marriage. Signed .... a non Jew married to a Jewish man for thirty five happy years. This despite in-laws such as yourself. Shane on you.


PP with the non-Jew mom and Jewish dad here. Completely.

OP, people like yourself shunned my mom (although they are mostly non-practicing Jews who nonetheless hated my mom). It caused her pain that she's still working through, 41 years after marrying my dad. Don't be the cause of that sort of pain for your sister and her husband.


As the non-Jewish half of an interfaith couple, I really fail to understand the shunning, especially of the mom. Shunning sounds like a GREAT way to ensure that your grandchild will have absolutely no Jewish identity. The high rates of Jewish intermarriage make pretty clear that shunning isn't working to deter intermarriage, so it seems much more coherent to embrace interfaith families so that the kids are raised Jewish at least culturally.


PP here. What's ironic is my parents decided to raise my sister and me as Reform Jews and my mom made a concerted effort to learn Hebrew and basic Jewish practices so she could help us with our Hebrew school homework and Bat Mitzvah prep. They still hated her.


I'm sorry. Makes me appreciate my MIL all the more! She's been nothing but supportive. She did lay a major guilt-trip around the bris, but so far that's it. I think it helps that she was estranged from her own Orthodox parents for marrying a secular Jew.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:29     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mind your own marriage. Signed .... a non Jew married to a Jewish man for thirty five happy years. This despite in-laws such as yourself. Shane on you.


PP with the non-Jew mom and Jewish dad here. Completely.

OP, people like yourself shunned my mom (although they are mostly non-practicing Jews who nonetheless hated my mom). It caused her pain that she's still working through, 41 years after marrying my dad. Don't be the cause of that sort of pain for your sister and her husband.


As the non-Jewish half of an interfaith couple, I really fail to understand the shunning, especially of the mom. Shunning sounds like a GREAT way to ensure that your grandchild will have absolutely no Jewish identity. The high rates of Jewish intermarriage make pretty clear that shunning isn't working to deter intermarriage, so it seems much more coherent to embrace interfaith families so that the kids are raised Jewish at least culturally.


PP here. What's ironic is my parents decided to raise my sister and me as Reform Jews and my mom made a concerted effort to learn Hebrew and basic Jewish practices so she could help us with our Hebrew school homework and Bat Mitzvah prep. They still hated her.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:28     Subject: Re:My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
FLORAs

LOR = Local Orthodox Rabbi. LORA - Local Orthodox Rabbinical Authority? FLORA= ?
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:26     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:Hey everyone. So, my sister and I were raised reform, but I got into orthodoxy in college, while she went the other way and dropped it. She's been dating a guy for a while and they got engaged. While my sister and I have a close relationship, I still have qualms about this. Obviously, I want her to be happy, but I'm disappointed at her violation of halacha and throwing away the potential happiness that comes with having a Jewish family.

While it is understandable that she would marry a non-Jew given that she has no connection, I still am not really behind it. The biggest issue (logistically at least) is if I should go to the wedding. I'll need to come back from yeshiva in Israel, to attend an intermarriage wedding, which doesn't seem right to me. It most likely wouldn't be in a church or reform shul, so no problem with that. The problem is my idealogical stance of coming or not.

Obviously, the expected thing (from my family and sister) is that I come and support her. The straightforward halachic thing would be to not go, so as to not show support for intermarriage. However, doing this would cause problems with my sister, and maybe with the rest of my family (which I don't think is worth the one awkward weekend).

tl;dr I am a BT, sister is an atheist. Sister getting married to non-Jew. Should I go to the wedding?

(Disclaimer: I plan to talk to my FLORAs for guidance, but am interested in the perspective of everyone here)


It is not your wedding.

It is not your marriage.

It is not your life.

Your choice to forgo the wedding will have negative repercussions in your family and with your sister in particular for a very long time, possibly forever.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:26     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mind your own marriage. Signed .... a non Jew married to a Jewish man for thirty five happy years. This despite in-laws such as yourself. Shane on you.


PP with the non-Jew mom and Jewish dad here. Completely.

OP, people like yourself shunned my mom (although they are mostly non-practicing Jews who nonetheless hated my mom). It caused her pain that she's still working through, 41 years after marrying my dad. Don't be the cause of that sort of pain for your sister and her husband.


As the non-Jewish half of an interfaith couple, I really fail to understand the shunning, especially of the mom. Shunning sounds like a GREAT way to ensure that your grandchild will have absolutely no Jewish identity. The high rates of Jewish intermarriage make pretty clear that shunning isn't working to deter intermarriage, so it seems much more coherent to embrace interfaith families so that the kids are raised Jewish at least culturally.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:25     Subject: Re:My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
I am a C Jew with some sympathy for your position.

I might suggest that you attending and making the best of it, within the limits of halacha, could end up as a kiddush hashem - it could make clear to some people in your family that (your particular form of) Orthodoxy is a positive thing, placing high value on family, derekh eretz and general menshlichkeit. Of course you should consult your rabbi about the general questions involved and any specific issues of what you can and cannot do at the wedding.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:25     Subject: Re:My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
^^ Posted too soon. What I mean is that you should only go if you can support her on her wedding day. If not, then do her a favor and stay home. Newsflash, not everyone needs to believe what you believe.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:25     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Do you post on Reddit?

Sigh. I hate how religion divides people, even families.

I divorced my first husband because he was abusive, cheating with multiple people, and arrested for statutory rape. My brother refused to come to my second wedding because he said that in god's eyes, I would be committing adultery every day for the rest of my life, as he doesn't believe in divorce and remarriage. It was probably also because the wedding was non-religious too, as I did not retain the Southern Baptist beliefs as my family, and am agnostic. Religion has so divided my family.

It also caused my uncle to disown my cousin, who later died in a car accident, and my uncle actually told people he didn't care that he died, that he was dead to him anyway because he wasn't a good Christian. This was his son for FS sake. My cousin was a good person, he just didn't believe and was a musician (bad lifestyle).
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:24     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Doesn't want sister to forgo the potential happiness that comes from having a Jewish family

Makes entire Jewish family unhappy by shunning sister.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:24     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
On the other side, if I were her sister, I might not want a judge mental, super religious person at my wedding.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:23     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:Mind your own marriage. Signed .... a non Jew married to a Jewish man for thirty five happy years. This despite in-laws such as yourself. Shane on you.


PP with the non-Jew mom and Jewish dad here. Completely.

OP, people like yourself shunned my mom (although they are mostly non-practicing Jews who nonetheless hated my mom). It caused her pain that she's still working through, 41 years after marrying my dad. Don't be the cause of that sort of pain for your sister and her husband.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:22     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Shane Sb shame.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:21     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Mind your own marriage. Signed .... a non Jew married to a Jewish man for thirty five happy years. This despite in-laws such as yourself. Shane on you.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:20     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
Anonymous wrote:Any religion that instructs you to shun family who are not as devout as you is not a good influence in your life. This is how cults work.

Life is long and varied. You will need to learn how to reconcile your idea of "support" of the way people live who do not follow the same religion as you.


+1000000 I could go on and on.

PS. You don't sound tolerant of anyone outside of your faith.
Anonymous
Post 04/02/2019 09:20     Subject: My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?
All you're doing by not going is showing to YOURSELF that you are more adherent to your faith. You're not helping her in any way; you're not promoting her greater identification with being Jewish; and you're certainly not helping her future children be connected to Judaism.

So, if what you want is to make a public show of your own religious bona fides, then don't go. If what you intend is to completely estrange your sister, then don't go.