As others have observed, a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic usually doesn't involve a Nuptual Mass, but rather a marriage ceremony that is still nice. The Church certainly doesn't prohibit "mixed marriages." Indeed, it is much easier now than 60 years ago. They do want the Catholic partner to promise to do their best to have the children raised Catholic.

Regarding Baptism, there must be a reasonable hope the children will be raised Catholic, so that it is not just a superficial ceremony.

Barring a prior marriage somewhere, a "convalidation" of the civil marriage is pretty easy to accomplish.

It is true that "technically" one is a member of the geographic parish where one resides. As others have observed, however, it is extremely common for people to "go where they are fed," at another parish or even in another diocese. Many if not most parishes are amenable to such arrangements. It only takes a little shopping.

As for the letter, no one, no priest, no bishop, not even the Pope can tell a person they are not welcome in the Church to "participate." Communion may be reserved under certain circumstances, but all baptized Catholics in fact are obliged to attend Mass, and cannot be prohibited from doing so.

Echoing the suggestion to find somewhere that will work with you to get the convalidation accomplished, handle the RCIA in a reasonable way if your husband is amenable, and get the children baptized as they should be.

RCIA is one of the worst changes ever to come along since Vatican II. In the old days, a "convert" would work with the priest until both were ready for the person to join the Church. NOw there are elaborate proceses, run by controlling lay people who may or may not know what they are doing, and involving multiple public appearances at different events. Just the thing to keep a shy introverted person from ever becoming a Catholic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not Catholic and we were not married in the church. We are registered members in the Arlington diocese.

OP here. How?! My husband is protestant and we wanted to be married in the Catholic church originally and we weren't able to make that happen. DH would not agree to converting.

The priest who gave you that advice is flat-out wrong. My husband is not Catholic and we were married by a Catholic priest.

Ditto.
The spouse of a Catholic person absolutely does not need to convert to get married in a Catholic church. You can't (usually) have a *mass* but it's still a sacramental wedding.
OP, I'm not sure what type of parishes your attending, but it's time for you to do some research on your own and make sure you actually understand the rules (like the ones from the Vatican and the diocese, not some random priest or great aunt or whatever.)

We did too. My sister married a Muslim man in a Catholic Church.
Not to push you, but my husband did do RCIA a couple of years ago after we had been married for ten years. We put the kids in CCD and did their first communion the next year. Sharing one religious culture really has been wonderful for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Find a different church. We are married in the church but didn't have enough Catholics for godparents. One Bethesda church let us get by with a single "official" godparent, another said no way. Guess which one we chose?

BTW our kids are now in catechism at the tougher church. They had crazy requirements for confirmation: a sponsor who wasn't family and could obtain a certificate of good standing from their bishop. I refused and insisted on serving as the sponsor (we had no local Catholics and I wasn't flying people across the country for this.) They backed down and let it go. I realized when I pushed that sometimes these requirements have NOTHING to do with actual canonical law or universal policy.

I will never understand why individual churches or priests would make it harder to become or stay a Catholic especially nowadays.

Honestly, I think it is a power thing.

Find a different church. We are married in the church but didn't have enough Catholics for godparents. One Bethesda church let us get by with a single "official" godparent, another said no way. Guess which one we chose?

BTW our kids are now in catechism at the tougher church. They had crazy requirements for confirmation: a sponsor who wasn't family and could obtain a certificate of good standing from their bishop. I refused and insisted on serving as the sponsor (we had no local Catholics and I wasn't flying people across the country for this.) They backed down and let it go. I realized when I pushed that sometimes these requirements have NOTHING to do with actual canonical law or universal policy.

I will never understand why individual churches or priests would make it harder to become or stay a Catholic especially nowadays.

My diocese (another state) is welcoming our family with open arms. I was raised and confirmed Catholic. We weren't married in the Catholic church. Now that we have children, I wanted to join our local Catholic church and was surprised how easily they agreed. The jist of it, if you've got children you want to introduce to the church then they'll roll out the red carpet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not Catholic and we were not married in the church. We are registered members in the Arlington diocese.

OP here. How?! My husband is protestant and we wanted to be married in the Catholic church originally and we weren't able to make that happen. DH would not agree to converting.

The priest who gave you that advice is flat-out wrong. My husband is not Catholic and we were married by a Catholic priest.

Ditto.
The spouse of a Catholic person absolutely does not need to convert to get married in a Catholic church. You can't (usually) have a *mass* but it's still a sacramental wedding.

We had the full “high Mass” and DH is Protestant.

FF to now and I’m not even Catholic anymore so I wish we’d married in his church instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not Catholic and we were not married in the church. We are registered members in the Arlington diocese.

OP here. How?! My husband is protestant and we wanted to be married in the Catholic church originally and we weren't able to make that happen. DH would not agree to converting.

The priest who gave you that advice is flat-out wrong. My husband is not Catholic and we were married by a Catholic priest.

Ditto.
The spouse of a Catholic person absolutely does not need to convert to get married in a Catholic church. You can't (usually) have a *mass* but it's still a sacramental wedding.
OP, I'm not sure what type of parishes your attending, but it's time for you to do some research on your own and make sure you actually understand the rules (like the ones from the Vatican and the diocese, not some random priest or great aunt or whatever.)

this makes me very sad. I cannot imagine any Catholic Church I have ever attended (in the DC Diocese) ever acting so horribly to a potential (or current!) parishioner and a parent.

I agree with others. Try Trinity in DC, which might be closer. Or any of the others suggested here.

This is really, really terrible and I wish there was someplace I could complain, or suggest you complain.

Go to Our Lady Queen of Peace in South Arlington. They are the only church that isn't totally crazy.

-Recovering Catholic married to a Jew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not Catholic and we were not married in the church. We are registered members in the Arlington diocese.

OP here. How?! My husband is protestant and we wanted to be married in the Catholic church originally and we weren't able to make that happen. DH would not agree to converting.

The priest who gave you that advice is flat-out wrong. My husband is not Catholic and we were married by a Catholic priest.

OP you should really examine why you are so desperate for acceptance by this church that doesn’t respect you and your family. And I find it remarkable that the Catholic Church, which is in its biggest era of crisis in modern history is making it so difficult for its followers to actually follow. I’m convinced Catholics like OP suffer from Stockholm syndrome.

Like everything - individual churches are run by imperfect human beings. You can shop around for another parish/diocese and probably get "in".

I grew up Catholic and married a Christian who was not Catholic. After years of struggle, I took it as a divine sign that I was not welcome and ended up "next door" at the Episcopal Church. It's great and very familiar to this former Catholic.

When I travel back home to my old neighborhood I go to my old Catholic Church and take communion with my friends and relatives. Because I'm a terrible person, that's why.

You do not need to register at the parish nearest you. You're welcome to choose the parish that meets your needs. People choose churches for all sorts of reasons. One common requirement for a Catholic married outside the church is to have the marriage blessed. A friend who wanted her children baptized had their marriage blessed by the pastor in the hallway right before the baptism.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you go through such hoops? Jesus’ standards are simple.

The Catholic church is a corrupt organization that wants you to grovel your way back in so you can be held to filling their coffers. That’s not a relationship with God; that’s just joining a snobby and sinister club.

X1000. Just because your religion has a history that goes back thousands of years doesn’t mean it’s not a cult. It just means it’s a richer, more entrenched one Ugh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is not Catholic and we were not married in the church. We are registered members in the Arlington diocese.

OP here. How?! My husband is protestant and we wanted to be married in the Catholic church originally and we weren't able to make that happen. DH would not agree to converting.

The Arlington diocese is among the most conservative in the country.

Look in adjacent dioceses. Seriously.

Is there any movement to changing the Arlington diocese to being more welcoming? Seems like it's driving people away

This is not all churches in the Arlington diocese. I have registered and had my kids baptized in the last few years in the Arlington diocese and spouse is not Catholic and we were not married in the Catholic Church.