Anonymous
03/30/2019 18:47
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Kids are pretty self centered. I don’t think they think about their parents in that way.
When my kids were little, I was a SAHM for a couple of years, and DH was a SAHD for a couple of years (not planned, just the way things worked out). They were 5 and 6 when DH went back to work. Now, they are 9 & 10, and I work PT while they are in school.
I am pretty sure that they think I sit outside their school all day and wait for them to come out. If I get home late one day or have to work on a weekend, they have no idea where I went, and have to be reminded that I go to work during the day.
They have no clear verbal memories of DH being at home with them full time.
My takeaway is that as long as your kids aren’t stressed out, you can do what you want. Now if you are financially stressed if you dont work, or the whole house is overextended and exhausted if you do work, then your kids will notice. Otherwise, do your thing.
When my kids were little, I was a SAHM for a couple of years, and DH was a SAHD for a couple of years (not planned, just the way things worked out). They were 5 and 6 when DH went back to work. Now, they are 9 & 10, and I work PT while they are in school.
I am pretty sure that they think I sit outside their school all day and wait for them to come out. If I get home late one day or have to work on a weekend, they have no idea where I went, and have to be reminded that I go to work during the day.
They have no clear verbal memories of DH being at home with them full time.
My takeaway is that as long as your kids aren’t stressed out, you can do what you want. Now if you are financially stressed if you dont work, or the whole house is overextended and exhausted if you do work, then your kids will notice. Otherwise, do your thing.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 16:26
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
As a kid I’m sure I wished for my mom to be home more and not work. But I wished for a lot of things, including to be a model, to go to some insanely expensive culinary camp in a different state, to have a pony, not to go to Hebrew school, etc etc. in retrospect, I’m so glad my mom worked because it made her happy, and now my parents are very comfortable financially because of her income.
I work PT now because my kids are really little and I know they like having me around, plus I love working. I will always work PT or more because it’s important for kids to have happy parents. So I take their wants into account some, but it’s not the deciding factor.
I work PT now because my kids are really little and I know they like having me around, plus I love working. I will always work PT or more because it’s important for kids to have happy parents. So I take their wants into account some, but it’s not the deciding factor.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 13:43
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
My parents never discussed money troubles, or their salaries, or made comparisons to other people’s money in front of me, which I think was a wise thing to do. However, I understood that my Dad’s job covered our basic minimum necessities and my mom’s job allowed for more than just getting by. We were probably lower middle class, so those “extras” weren’t extravagant. But by middle school I got the picture that I was fortunate to have things like a new dress for friend’s bar mitzvah, music lessons, a little pocket money. My friends were an even split of SAHM and working mom families, and I don’t recall feelings of envy or superiority - it was just a variation. I don’t think kids care, unless a parent’s career is super high flying and intense to the point that they are never around.
It’s also hard to imagine that in this day and age, a young girl with a SAHM would internalize a message that a career isn’t a strong probability for her future.
It’s also hard to imagine that in this day and age, a young girl with a SAHM would internalize a message that a career isn’t a strong probability for her future.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 13:26
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I fully expect that, in a few years, my teenage daughters will explain how my career ruined their lives. Unless I stay home at some point between now and then, in which they'll explain that my being lazy is ruining their lives.
How is not working for money being lazy?
Plus one. I mean, come on, seriously. Signed, working mom
If you read the post you will see that she is talking about a teenagers point of view. No matter what she chooses, her teenaged kids are going to find fault with it. There was also a siley to indicate that she was being light hearted.
I am lucky, I am a working Mom who is able to be home and done with work by the time my 6 year old gets home from school. He ends up with the best of both words. He gets the benefit of two incomes and essentially has the benefits of a stay at home parent. I wish more families had flexible jobs that allow the work or stay at home decision a lot easier.
DS knows that we both work, we both discuss how our day was.
But my families decision was made on what was best for us, not what type of example we were setting for our child.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 13:23
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I fully expect that, in a few years, my teenage daughters will explain how my career ruined their lives. Unless I stay home at some point between now and then, in which they'll explain that my being lazy is ruining their lives.
How is not working for money being lazy?
Plus one. I mean, come on, seriously. Signed, working mom
I think that was a tongue-in-cheek comment about kids being jerks.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 13:14
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Kids are self interested and self absorbed.
They don’t have the maturity or life experience to be able to consider other perspectives and have empathy for others.
Don’t make decisions on how a 6 yo views your circumstances.
You’re the adult.
They don’t have the maturity or life experience to be able to consider other perspectives and have empathy for others.
Don’t make decisions on how a 6 yo views your circumstances.
You’re the adult.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 13:04
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
My mom went back to school when we were in late elementary school/middle school. I remember being really proud of her and excited to visit her office, go to some of her work events, etc. It was nice to have her home when we were little-little, but I can also remember her phoning it in in many ways. (I'm not saying this about all SAHPs, just mine.)
My aunt never went back to work, and my cousin/best friend really struggled with that, because her dad had job instability and they never had enough money (and my aunt/uncle don't to this day). Even as kids, my cousins and I were like...how can you afford to watch four soap operas every day while your husband is working his tail off? They had to move five times.
My aunt never went back to work, and my cousin/best friend really struggled with that, because her dad had job instability and they never had enough money (and my aunt/uncle don't to this day). Even as kids, my cousins and I were like...how can you afford to watch four soap operas every day while your husband is working his tail off? They had to move five times.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 12:58
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
Whatever you expect your kids will think about your decision, the universe will probably make sure they think the opposite.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 10:46
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
Most people I know who SAH fall in one of these buckets:
1) DH travels a lot, is military or works crazy hours - essentially cannot carry part of the typical kid load on a regular basis.
2) Mom was a teacher for a handful of years or similar job that did not pay enough to really justify child care and the extra work of WOH if DH earned enough to swing SAH.
The choices seem to be more pragmatic than philosophical.
1) DH travels a lot, is military or works crazy hours - essentially cannot carry part of the typical kid load on a regular basis.
2) Mom was a teacher for a handful of years or similar job that did not pay enough to really justify child care and the extra work of WOH if DH earned enough to swing SAH.
The choices seem to be more pragmatic than philosophical.
Anonymous
03/29/2019 22:15
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t enjoy kids and would want to kill myself if I stayed home all day. I love working. The kids will be fine.
Who are you? I think you're my long lost twin.
Anonymous
03/29/2019 22:11
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:My kids and DH like me to be home because I am more clued in and strategic about the kids education/learning etc. I also tutor my kids for most subjects and they do exceedingly well. I have never taught in a professional capacity but evidently I have a knack for teaching. I frequently tutor other children for free at my home. My DH is out of the house at 7 am and comes back home at 8 pm. While it is not as hectic as many people's career in DMV, it is not conducive to being there for the children.
My kids want me to teach eventually but only after they have launched, because they do not want "other kids to get an edge because I am teaching them." I take that to mean that they think highly of me.
In a few years they will be out of the house. After they leave, I would really like to pick a few bright students who are on FARMS and tutor and prep them for free so that they become super-competitive and get them into top colleges. I would love to run a bootcamp at home and just change the career and life of a few of such kids.
Do you teach/ tutor only neurotypical kids or do you have experience with, say, dyslexic kids too?
Anonymous
03/29/2019 22:09
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I fully expect that, in a few years, my teenage daughters will explain how my career ruined their lives. Unless I stay home at some point between now and then, in which they'll explain that my being lazy is ruining their lives.
How is not working for money being lazy?
Plus one. I mean, come on, seriously. Signed, working mom
Anonymous
03/29/2019 22:03
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
Anonymous wrote:I fully expect that, in a few years, my teenage daughters will explain how my career ruined their lives. Unless I stay home at some point between now and then, in which they'll explain that my being lazy is ruining their lives.
How is not working for money being lazy?
Anonymous
03/29/2019 22:00
Subject: Re:Kids perception of working / sah parents
I fully expect that, in a few years, my teenage daughters will explain how my career ruined their lives. Unless I stay home at some point between now and then, in which they'll explain that my being lazy is ruining their lives. 
Anonymous
03/29/2019 21:57
Subject: Kids perception of working / sah parents
No it didn’t factor at all. I have 2 sons and I am our family’s main breadwinner. My kids think daddy works a lot because he dresses nice, takes the metro and works past dinner pretty often. I don’t know what my preschoolers think I do. I work from home most of the time and I drop them off, pick them up, am class mom and go to all the preschool events. I think they think I FaceTime with my friends all day - aka Skype conference calls. The older one has been to my office and knows a few of his buddies’ moms work in the same office so he thinks ALL moms go to the same office and will sometimes tell me “when you see Larla’ mom at work, tell her I want Larla to come have dinner at our house”.