I’m PP above and should have also mentioned: Be clear about why you’re reaching out. As mentioned, and in my experience, it’s typical that the person reaching out is considering rekindling something. If you’re reaching out for other reasons (in one case i needed to get in touch with an ex who had put me as his emergency contact on some medical forms and then moved and changed his number and the facility couldn’t reach him but needed to). This was before FB, but had I just friended him on FB without saying why I wanted to message him, and then just said “oh well, guess he doesn’t want to hear from me” if he hadn’t accepted, I would have been a jerk.

I’ve had it happen to me with several different exes, and 2 out of, maybe 7? That have done so it was welcomed - both of those led to us attempting another shot at the relationship. I’m always polite, but shut it down quickly if it is unwanted. A couple of times this has not been received well and they’ve persisted.

If you’re going to reach out to someone from years or even months ago, be very very aware they may not be receptive, cognizant that depending on how things ended they may be not be willing to engage until/unless they get an apology and the acknowledgement that you made a mistake in how you handled the split. If they aren’t receptive, for God’s sake, accept that and don’t keep after them.

Doing this is a bit insensitive. If you dated someone years earlier, they have moved on with their life. Is it really fair to gate crash their daily existence by reaching out? How do you even know if your gesture would be welcomed or cringed at? They have their own lives and relationships, leave them be.

i reached out to one ex whom I dumped in a thoughtless and immature way. I always felt badly about it and I emailed, essentially to apologize, 10 years later. He was surprised to hear from me, and I dont know if my apology was well received or not. Its haunted me for a long time that I was so callous when I ended it and while I never wished that I had not broken up, I have always regretted causing him pain.

Anonymous wrote:Man on the receiving end from college girlfriend. She is married with two grown kids so I have no idea why she contacts me. It has been 30 years since we dated. She is the one who dumped me and am not interested in any conversation of any kind.

Personally, I think contact someone after many years can never lead to anything positive. The past is the past.

+1. Had the same situation happen although she was from like 10 years ago and I am now married but she is not. Agreed, that was then and this is now, no good can come from further contact.

My HS ex contacted me right before he got married for some reason. He wasn't trying to get me back, he just casually immed me (this was back when AIM was a thing, so it's been awhile!) and we chatted for awhile before he dropped the "yeah I'm getting married next month". My parents had moved out of the town I grew up in, but he still knew a lot about my family which was really strange. We friended on Facebook a few years later but I think I've since unfriended him. He was my first love but never in a million years would I consider anything there now.

I unfriended all of my other exes after DH and I became serious. I still stalk them every now and then, of course!

I've had 2 exes friend request me on FB. I always block them. We're not friends, and I'd like to keep it that way.

What is catfishing???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lesbian - my very first "girlfriend" recently messaged me through FB. She was batshit crazy. She catfished me before catfishing was even a thing (this was in the late 90's, so when folks met others through chat rooms, etc.). I could see her message, but didn't accept it and didn't respond. I do not care for that level of crazy in my life again.

She was a catfish trailblazer! A pioneer in her own time. Someday there may be a google doodle about her.

The first fisher!

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lesbian - my very first "girlfriend" recently messaged me through FB. She was batshit crazy. She catfished me before catfishing was even a thing (this was in the late 90's, so when folks met others through chat rooms, etc.). I could see her message, but didn't accept it and didn't respond. I do not care for that level of crazy in my life again.

She was a catfish trailblazer! A pioneer in her own time. Someday there may be a google doodle about her.

I have at least 15 women friends on FB that I've been in relationships with, or had some kind of intimate contact. There were also several crazies I had to block because they are too big a risk of not behaving. It's all good. If anyone saw our interactions on FB they would never know.