Agree with PPs. Stand your ground. Don't give a reason. And don't even mention the money thing, because it's your vacation time as well. So just say no, as many times as needed.

My MIL is utterly perplexed that we aren’t visiting their house this year. We budget enough vacation time and dollars to see each side of the family once a year. This year, there is a wedding on H’s side of the family. We have to fly to get there, rent a car, and stay in a hotel. That’s more than the money budgeted for the usual trip to see his family because we stay with his parents on the normal trip.

Between a trip to see his family, one to see mine, school days off and one actual vacation, our leave is spoken for every year. He has to say “No, that won’t work for us.” to his parents all the time. Your H needs to learn that phrase too.

Let your DH go for the weekend, crash on soneone’s sofa (like his mom’s), and compromise reached. He needs to tell his mother that your nuclear family needs vacation time together, and time off and money are limited.

If MIL wants you there so badly, tell her to pay for your flights and hotel.

Re family functions. We do not live close enough to either set. My brothers family will invite us to major things - promotion party, 40 or 50 bday, big graduation - but they do not expect us to be able to make it.

Growing up, whithin driving distance of both grandparents, we mainly did major holidays, mothers/Father’s Day, on theny came down for little kid bday parties.

We make sure to have at least a one week destination vacation with our nuclear family if four, even when the children were in diapers. Beach, NyC, Florida, whatever— grandparents were not around.
On the grandparent side one set only likes to houseguest-not vacation and the other side likes to vacation and only visit for 2-3 day weekend or if we need help. Both like to host us, but sitting in someone else’s house for longer than a few days gets silly for all four of us. My husband starts working in his work laptop even!

I wouldn’t make it an annual thing that your kids or grandparents stay with you for every spring break. Traveling with other family friends with same age kids looks like our next steps for some- not all- winter or spring breaks or summer trips.

We do not attend any graduations, birthdays or family functions out of state except for weddings. We have had to even miss some weddings because we couldn’t pull the kids out the first weekend of school or at other bad times. I flew to go to two baptisms for my sister’s kids shortly after they were born since we are close I went alone. DH and I did not go to any baptisms for nieces and nephews on his side. We aren’t as close with his side and I don’t remember I’d we were even invited. When they have graduated from high school we send a card and a check. No one comes to my children’s events either. We visit family at other times during the year but we always prioritize a family vacation.