Anonymous
Post 03/26/2019 16:59     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
I might consider it with my 6 yo.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2019 16:58     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote: Why would you leave your child alone with your husband who you say is a loving dad and needs this medication? Does part of you think he could or should help more at night? Your comment re him "snapping in frustration" scared me. If this is truly a side effect of the medicine (and maybe it could be) then see if a friend can host your child overnight. No way would I stay in a house with someone's husband who she believed to be capable of "snapping in frustration". I certainly wouldn't take on the care of a child in such an environment, not for a child that wasn't mine with a man who wasn't my husband. Remember, you see "loving dad" I'd see crazy man who may harm his child. I don't want to spend my time and energy in court explaining how and why I ended up in whatever situation caused a husband to snap and a wife to literally go out of town. Your other option is to just stay home and not leave your husband. You say he's a loving dad, so stay home with him and enjoy your husband and child. View it as the cost of doing business in order to have the family that you want with the members of your family that you love. Realize that what you think should work, and what may work for other people simply doesn't for you. Another option is to talk with his doctor and do a deep dive into the medicine. Is it truly the only game in town? How do you know? Would medical marijuana help? What about other therapies like drumming? Why not post the medication name, I'm sure some of the medical "lab rats" could give you some talking points if you need them. You are on an anonymous board, and if this medicine is legal, you've got no reason not to post the name. To answer your question though, no way in hell would I leave a child alone with an adult who I truly believe is "liable to snap with frustration".


Holy overreaction, Batman. I don’t think OP is talking about “snapping” in the sense of physical violence.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2019 16:57     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. I would be okay with it. Both sttn and I can't remember the last time they woke us up needing anything. And if they did wake up, they cry a few minutes and settle themselves, nbd.

But if I were very worried, you can set a notification on the baby monitor (mine is Arlo, but Nest does this too) to alert me if the kids are crying. It would send me a text message and I could wake DH up or check on them over the app myself.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2019 16:34     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Day 1. He’s got to figure out how to parent. I’m not going do 100% of the nighttime parenting just because he takes a medication that makes him cranky at night.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2019 16:19     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Why would you leave your child alone with your husband who you say is a loving dad and needs this medication? Does part of you think he could or should help more at night? Your comment re him "snapping in frustration" scared me. If this is truly a side effect of the medicine (and maybe it could be) then see if a friend can host your child overnight. No way would I stay in a house with someone's husband who she believed to be capable of "snapping in frustration". I certainly wouldn't take on the care of a child in such an environment, not for a child that wasn't mine with a man who wasn't my husband. Remember, you see "loving dad" I'd see crazy man who may harm his child. I don't want to spend my time and energy in court explaining how and why I ended up in whatever situation caused a husband to snap and a wife to literally go out of town. Your other option is to just stay home and not leave your husband. You say he's a loving dad, so stay home with him and enjoy your husband and child. View it as the cost of doing business in order to have the family that you want with the members of your family that you love. Realize that what you think should work, and what may work for other people simply doesn't for you. Another option is to talk with his doctor and do a deep dive into the medicine. Is it truly the only game in town? How do you know? Would medical marijuana help? What about other therapies like drumming? Why not post the medication name, I'm sure some of the medical "lab rats" could give you some talking points if you need them. You are on an anonymous board, and if this medicine is legal, you've got no reason not to post the name. To answer your question though, no way in hell would I leave a child alone with an adult who I truly believe is "liable to snap with frustration".
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 09:33     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
I would say like 4 to 5. Old enough to understand that dad reacts differently than mom at night time, and old enough that it is generally not an issue (waking at night is minimal if at all and child can take care of and comfort self)
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 09:21     Subject: Re:Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote:I am clearly the minority but I don’t know that I would ever be comfortable with this until child was much older - 14 or so. Relying on the child to assess a danger (noise, storm, fire, medical emergency) and react appropriately is not fair and would give me major concerns. I would not want the responsibility of waking dad up when sick or when house is burning down to rest on the shoulders of an 8 year old. Can kid go to friend for sleepover or have family come stay with him when you need to be out of town?

Sorry this sounds exhausting but no way would I be able to relax like this


You must live a charmed life. Usually people have things going on in their lives that force them to make un-ideal decisions at some point. I am sure that will happen to OP and her family before their child is 14.

BTW, my 11 year old was forced to call 911 when he came home from school and found me collapsed in the living room.

Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:40     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Rocking for hours frankly doesn't sound like a good idea even when sick.


Are you kidding?


NP I don't think I've ever rocked any of my kids to sleep for hours, sick or not. Especially, not a toddler.


I did. So, why do you PPs think it's bad to rock a sick baby? I'm honestly baffled.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:17     Subject: Re:Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote:I am clearly the minority but I don’t know that I would ever be comfortable with this until child was much older - 14 or so. Relying on the child to assess a danger (noise, storm, fire, medical emergency) and react appropriately is not fair and would give me major concerns. I would not want the responsibility of waking dad up when sick or when house is burning down to rest on the shoulders of an 8 year old. Can kid go to friend for sleepover or have family come stay with him when you need to be out of town?

Sorry this sounds exhausting but no way would I be able to relax like this


That is absurd, truly. 14? both my kids know how to call 911 in an emergency (9 and 5). Obviously OP's kid is too young but 14 is just....I can't imagine that level of helplessness in a teen.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:16     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
If he can rouse himself in case of emergency, I'd consider an illness (without you there) to be an emergency. He just needs to view it that way.

My kids need tending in the night so very rarely, I think I'd be ok for a night here or there. I do not think your children need to be able to totally fend for themselves since you say he CAN rouse if needed.

I'd also do the co-sleeping thing if your child is big enough to not get smothered. Over a year should be fine.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:14     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
I think a lot of posters are overreacting. The child is a full year old. I wouldn't hesitate to have my super heavy sleeper DH sleep with a one year old, and I am about the most anti-co-sleeping with infants person around. Maybe not if there were significant gross motor delays, but a normal child, yes.

I wouldn't hesitate to leave overnight given what you describe, but I *WOULD* have DH sleep in the same room with the kid while you are gone so he will hear any screaming and wake up.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:13     Subject: Re:Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
I am clearly the minority but I don’t know that I would ever be comfortable with this until child was much older - 14 or so. Relying on the child to assess a danger (noise, storm, fire, medical emergency) and react appropriately is not fair and would give me major concerns. I would not want the responsibility of waking dad up when sick or when house is burning down to rest on the shoulders of an 8 year old. Can kid go to friend for sleepover or have family come stay with him when you need to be out of town?

Sorry this sounds exhausting but no way would I be able to relax like this
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:13     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are your children? If they needed him to, would he be safe to cosleep in your bed for the night?



Cosleeping with a parent who is taking sedating medication is a recipe for disaster. Or am I misunderstanding what you are suggesting?


There’s a difference between bringing an 8 year old into bed to comfort them if needed by being there if you can’t sit up with them, and cosleeping with an infant.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:09     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med

When they're reliably verbal and can articulate if there's something that's really wrong with them, so that your husband can snap into his emergency mode. Emergency mode won't work if he's too impaired to observe, the child also has to help him.

It's not about whining and fussing, OP. It's about real life and death emergencies, starting with fire.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 08:05     Subject: Leaving child overnight with one parent on med
Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are your children? If they needed him to, would he be safe to cosleep in your bed for the night?



Cosleeping with a parent who is taking sedating medication is a recipe for disaster. Or am I misunderstanding what you are suggesting?