Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, just don't. Really, if you don't like the idea of being a stepmom, it's unfair to the kids to be one. They have no control over this and you do. "Blending" a family (or suffering through one that hasn't really blended) is extremely difficult. Having someone around who doesn't really want that lifestyle just makes it more difficult for the people who are stuck with it.

You can try to live separately, but the children will still be an enormous part of his life and will necessarily affect your life even if you don't live with or spend time with them very much. And it is forever. Yes, children grow up and usually they move out, but sometimes they move back in. Sometimes they have their own children and then you're a step-grandmother. You will never, ever be done compromising and accommodating and scheduling things around his ex. Even if everyone is on their best behavior, it's logistically difficult.

Date someone else.

She's not blending a family. She doesn't have kids. She is in a relatively easy situation. Single mom trying to make it work with single dad is much, much harder. Kids can deal with a stepmom. Step-siblings are much more difficult.

She's trying to blend herself into an existing family. Look, OP, if you don't want to be a stepmom, don't. It's really, really hard even if you do want it. You have a choice and the children don't, so don't impose yourself into their lives if you don't actually want to be there. It's just going to lead to resentment on all sides. You will find a childless man if you keep trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, just don't. Really, if you don't like the idea of being a stepmom, it's unfair to the kids to be one. They have no control over this and you do. "Blending" a family (or suffering through one that hasn't really blended) is extremely difficult. Having someone around who doesn't really want that lifestyle just makes it more difficult for the people who are stuck with it.

You can try to live separately, but the children will still be an enormous part of his life and will necessarily affect your life even if you don't live with or spend time with them very much. And it is forever. Yes, children grow up and usually they move out, but sometimes they move back in. Sometimes they have their own children and then you're a step-grandmother. You will never, ever be done compromising and accommodating and scheduling things around his ex. Even if everyone is on their best behavior, it's logistically difficult.

Date someone else.

She's not blending a family. She doesn't have kids. She is in a relatively easy situation. Single mom trying to make it work with single dad is much, much harder. Kids can deal with a stepmom. Step-siblings are much more difficult.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, just don't. Really, if you don't like the idea of being a stepmom, it's unfair to the kids to be one. They have no control over this and you do. "Blending" a family (or suffering through one that hasn't really blended) is extremely difficult. Having someone around who doesn't really want that lifestyle just makes it more difficult for the people who are stuck with it.

You can try to live separately, but the children will still be an enormous part of his life and will necessarily affect your life even if you don't live with or spend time with them very much. And it is forever. Yes, children grow up and usually they move out, but sometimes they move back in. Sometimes they have their own children and then you're a step-grandmother. You will never, ever be done compromising and accommodating and scheduling things around his ex. Even if everyone is on their best behavior, it's logistically difficult.

Date someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues.

Yep, take it very slow. Divorced men are divorced for a reason. Question is what was it - cheating, emotionally abusive, or domestically lazy?

Seriously, anyone divorced, male or female, should set off every red flag imaginable. Make sure you know what role they played in their failed marriage, and no matter how innocent they pretend to be, remember it always takes two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues.

Yep, take it very slow. Divorced men are divorced for a reason. Question is what was it - cheating, emotionally abusive, or domestically lazy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues.

Yep, take it very slow. Divorced men are divorced for a reason. Question is what was it - cheating, emotionally abusive, or domestically lazy?

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues.

No, dummy. We want another sex and relationship partner.

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Is that a weird idea on my part? That even if we got married I might keep my own place and then just let them keep living however they want in their current house? I just don't think I could live how they live and be happy. But I also don't want to barge in and start demanding their house be run in a different way.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here. No woman is going to meet my kids unless I've been dating her for over a year. They're easy to interact with - just be kind and decent, and you wouldn't even be seeing them if I didn't think you were capable of that.

As for my ex, just tell her the simple truth - you're exhausted from constantly pleasuring me - and ask her if she knows where I learned all that kinky stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, I almost think I am dating the OP. I have 50% custody of kids in middle school, live in the house that I used to share with XW, probably could use new furniture, and it is a guy's house. But you know, I'd be totally OK with my LTR keeping her own place. Wouldn't want her to move in before the kids move out.

Anonymous wrote:Beware divorced guys with sub-par domestic skills. A lot of them want exactly what you fear... a replacement for their ex, to move in and cook and clean and make the house a home. [Since my XW never did any cooking or cleaning for me, and never did my laundry, I am not looking for "replacement" domestic help. Seriously, who are these women who do all this? I want sex, affection, companionship, not a domestic lackey FFS.]

Hard pass!!! Some of these guys will latch on to the first female willing to sleep with them. Don’t fall for it.

If you really like him and it becomes serious, keep your households separate until his kids are grown and off to college. Blended families are HARD. If your relationship can’t take waiting a few years until his kids are off to college, then it sure as heck won’t survive blended family issues. [This at least I agree with.]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Is that a weird idea on my part? That even if we got married I might keep my own place and then just let them keep living however they want in their current house? I just don't think I could live how they live and be happy. But I also don't want to barge in and start demanding their house be run in a different way.