Anonymous wrote:OP, zero sympathy for you. You got problems, and they're not your kid.

If the roles were reversed no way would you demand your kid be friends with another kid they no longer have an interest in. That's life. Deal with it and get therapy for your hostility issues.

Not OP, and this wasn't explicitly stated in OP's post, but there's a difference between "demanding your kid be friends" and teaching your kid to be polite even if they no longer want to be good friends anymore. That's a lesson that will come in handy as an adult, as well. Never burn a bridge.

This is why I am a "floater" parent. I say Hello, chit chat, enjoy the other parents, but do not invest 100% in friendship unless we are friendly aside from our children's friendship.

Anonymous wrote:OP- while I agree with most of the pps (except the "hubris" poster), I will acknowledge that when some of the kids were being mean to my child and he was socially isolated, I was having a little trouble smiling at their parents.

There was a part of me that wanted to say something-- but when my DS got to MS and became more "popular" I noticed that he wasn't always as nice as he could be either. I talked with him about it of course, but it made me realize that it is normal and my job is to teach my DS to be both kind and resilient.

+1

And +1 to the point that social dynamics can and do change, and no kid is perfect. The best is to teach your kid how to put things in perspective, develop healthy relationships, and become the kind of person who can handle being in different places in the social hierarchy with confidence and grace.

My brother was very popular in middle school. Was amazing at sports. He now suffers from depression and drugs.

I was an awkward nerd with few or no friends. I had some friends at church. I’m a well adjusted adult.

My parents always had stress. Not sure how much they showed it. Ill parents or death of parent. Money problems. I don’t think our social standing in middle school was on their radar. I remember how much I hated lunch time in middle school.

People may think I don’t have a care in the world as you put it. My depressed brother and dying parents cause me lots of stress.

OP, zero sympathy for you. You got problems, and they're not your kid.

If the roles were reversed no way would you demand your kid be friends with another kid they no longer have an interest in. That's life. Deal with it and get therapy for your hostility issues.

My son is only 10 but I can see this potentially happening in a few years.

Do you have any family friends with kids that are friends?

We have a friend who said he had no friends at school. He loves to play with my boys though. Mom and I are very good friends. Turns out he isn’t particularly close to anyone at school but he has acquaintances and other friends outside of school.

OP- while I agree with most of the pps (except the "hubris" poster), I will acknowledge that when some of the kids were being mean to my child and he was socially isolated, I was having a little trouble smiling at their parents.

There was a part of me that wanted to say something-- but when my DS got to MS and became more "popular" I noticed that he wasn't always as nice as he could be either. I talked with him about it of course, but it made me realize that it is normal and my job is to teach my DS to be both kind and resilient.

Anonymous wrote:If you are friendly and converse with these parents, I would say it's helpful to acknowledge the issue rather than ignore it. "It's too bad Jimmy and Tommy aren't as close anymore. Middle school is such a tricky time." I disagree with the PP who say the other parents don't know what's going on. An involved parent knows. My own middle schooler has relationships in flux. I remind them not to make plans in front of other kids who might feel left out. I suggest having old friends over for play dates but don't force the issue. I encourage them to broaden their circle and do things with new friends as well.

Well, they might know, in the sense that they generally know who their kid is friends with, but, assuming that their kids aren't doing anything other than not-being friends with OP's kid, there's really nothing they can do about it.

I went through stuff like this as the kid who was left behind. My mom was and remains friends with some of the parents of those kids. She offered me sympathy and advice, but she did not personalize my social struggles. She didn't hold parents responsible for their kids' friendship preferences. They weren't bullying me, they just didn't want to be my friend.

If you are so invested in your kid's friendships, to the point that you are angry at parents and projecting all kinds of stuff on to them, I suggest therapy, to help you find a way to be supportive of your son without losing perspective.

How do you know the other parents aren't dealing with their own issues? Some people hide it well. There is a photo on FB of famous people with depression and all of them are smiling and look happy. You never know.

My kid calls and gets called for play dates, she's in 5th grade.

OP I'd focus on getting your son into extracurriculars where he can meet other friends.

Can the counselor at school help at all? I.e. "lunch bunch" or some such?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friendly and converse with these parents, I would say it's helpful to acknowledge the issue rather than ignore it. "It's too bad Jimmy and Tommy aren't as close anymore. Middle school is such a tricky time." I disagree with the PP who say the other parents don't know what's going on. An involved parent knows. My own middle schooler has relationships in flux. I remind them not to make plans in front of other kids who might feel left out. I suggest having old friends over for play dates but don't force the issue. I encourage them to broaden their circle and do things with new friends as well.

Middle schoolers don’t have “play dates.”

Mine does! And we still call them that.

I’ll be honest, a middle schooler who still calls them play dates is probably very immature socially relative to his/her peers, which might explain why they’re being left behind by their former friends.

Wow. Tough situation. I say this with kindness, if you are carrying anger around from your child's social situation (and I do know what that feels like), therapy can be very useful.

Anonymous wrote:If you are friendly and converse with these parents, I would say it's helpful to acknowledge the issue rather than ignore it. "It's too bad Jimmy and Tommy aren't as close anymore. Middle school is such a tricky time." I disagree with the PP who say the other parents don't know what's going on. An involved parent knows. My own middle schooler has relationships in flux. I remind them not to make plans in front of other kids who might feel left out. I suggest having old friends over for play dates but don't force the issue. I encourage them to broaden their circle and do things with new friends as well.

Don’t do this unless you are good friends with the parents. Otherwise just remain friendly even if you are faking it.

I’ve been there OP! Be friendly with those parents - fake it til you make it. You will be happier with yourself in the long run and you never know what friendships might circle back into your son’s life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friendly and converse with these parents, I would say it's helpful to acknowledge the issue rather than ignore it. "It's too bad Jimmy and Tommy aren't as close anymore. Middle school is such a tricky time." I disagree with the PP who say the other parents don't know what's going on. An involved parent knows. My own middle schooler has relationships in flux. I remind them not to make plans in front of other kids who might feel left out. I suggest having old friends over for play dates but don't force the issue. I encourage them to broaden their circle and do things with new friends as well.

Middle schoolers don’t have “play dates.”

Mine does! And we still call them that.