Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:57
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Indian woman here: Sounds like you married an Indian male! Many were spoiled by mothers who did everything for them. This is too bad, but not too early to prevent in your children. My DH is not indian, but a complete equal partner. I have been the breadwinner for many years. He makes lunches, does drop off, etc. I do cleaning but he is very neat and doesdishes and laundry.
Since you’re a doctor, you can definitely justify more housekeeping and outsourcing expenses. As the kids get older you may need sitter to take them to activities, something we are considering too.
Since you’re a doctor, you can definitely justify more housekeeping and outsourcing expenses. As the kids get older you may need sitter to take them to activities, something we are considering too.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:31
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
Sorry -- 5th and 2nd grade -- a little too old for a mother's helper. But maybe an 8th grader who could come and sit with them at the dining room table and be a presence while they finished their homework, answered questions etc. If you pay decently you should be able to find someone who could come once a week and quiz your 2nd grader on spelling words or math facts etc.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:31
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Of course he doesn’t come home until dinner time. I’d like to walk in right at dinner time, too. He can prep dinner in the morning (cut and wash all the produce, etc.) and you can cook it when you get home. Yes as to other suggestions of kids should be making own lunches and increase cleaning service. They probably don’t need showers every day so see what can be streamlined.
How many hours is he working? Does he drop off late? Does he make the majority of the income — it sounds like he might stall at the office to show up at 7.
Common dad move.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:29
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
2. I agree that 1.5 hours on screens is too long...it's admittedly a bad habit but a big chunk of my 4-5:30pm time is trying to make phone calls to patients/other healthcare providers before COB and I've found that trying to do this from the park, and/or while kids are supposedly entertaining themselves, just makes it more stressful.
If you are making work related calls from 4-5:30 PM, of course it would be hard to also supervise your kids (or even be around them) at that time! It makes perfect sense that you would want them to be occupied with something -- those are the "witching hours".
You might want to look into hiring a neighborhood teen as a mother's helper for some of those days to take the kids to the park or play with them -- even just one of them.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:28
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Of course he doesn’t come home until dinner time. I’d like to walk in right at dinner time, too. He can prep dinner in the morning (cut and wash all the produce, etc.) and you can cook it when you get home. Yes as to other suggestions of kids should be making own lunches and increase cleaning service. They probably don’t need showers every day so see what can be streamlined.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:20
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Have you ever considered an au pair to help with pick ups and kids laundry, room clean up, making their lunches, getting them dinner, taking them to activities? Sounds like you need more time for your own work and some help around the house.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 07:15
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
Most of the food services have vegetarian options. Look to those for a few meals a week. We liked the food services but stopped because we thought they were a bit pricey and we had a years worth of recipes. We use those for meal planning now.
My family is a family of scatterers, we are good/ok about controlling it for the first 5 or 6 days after the cleaning people come and then are lazy. It drives both my DH and I a bit crazy but so much that we spend any time cleaning up once DS is in bed. We have the cleaners come in 2 times a month. DH was opposed to the idea at first so we made a chore chart for the two of us, this was before DS. After one month of not doing/hating to do his chores we hired a cleaning company that comes in twice a week. He insists on doing the yard stuff, I think we should have a service and flat out told him that I don't mow laws and the like. I try and help with the weeding in the vegetable garden because fresh veggies are yummy.
DS doesn't have my chores, he is 6. He does put away his own clothes and helps set the table and clear the table. He cleans up his toys, although one of our problem areas are his toys in one of the common rooms. He sets up these elaborate games and I am reluctant to tell him to break them down at night. The room is not used a ton so it is not a huge problem but there are things on the chair, couch, end tables, coffee table (think four different kid games, Keva blocks, and Thomas trains arranged in some pattern that makes sense to a 6 year old. Pokeman as the action figures. It is really quite creative)
More give yourself a break and take the time to breath.
My family is a family of scatterers, we are good/ok about controlling it for the first 5 or 6 days after the cleaning people come and then are lazy. It drives both my DH and I a bit crazy but so much that we spend any time cleaning up once DS is in bed. We have the cleaners come in 2 times a month. DH was opposed to the idea at first so we made a chore chart for the two of us, this was before DS. After one month of not doing/hating to do his chores we hired a cleaning company that comes in twice a week. He insists on doing the yard stuff, I think we should have a service and flat out told him that I don't mow laws and the like. I try and help with the weeding in the vegetable garden because fresh veggies are yummy.
DS doesn't have my chores, he is 6. He does put away his own clothes and helps set the table and clear the table. He cleans up his toys, although one of our problem areas are his toys in one of the common rooms. He sets up these elaborate games and I am reluctant to tell him to break them down at night. The room is not used a ton so it is not a huge problem but there are things on the chair, couch, end tables, coffee table (think four different kid games, Keva blocks, and Thomas trains arranged in some pattern that makes sense to a 6 year old. Pokeman as the action figures. It is really quite creative)
More give yourself a break and take the time to breath.
Anonymous
03/19/2019 22:30
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
I would not make their lunches - they can buy or pack their own.
You didn’t describe your dinners but do easier ones
I have a weekly cleaner
Idk what you’re cleaning up but I wouldn’t allow screen time until they’ve cleaned their own rooms / own stuff from common areas and even possibly do a chore
You didn’t describe your dinners but do easier ones
I have a weekly cleaner
Idk what you’re cleaning up but I wouldn’t allow screen time until they’ve cleaned their own rooms / own stuff from common areas and even possibly do a chore
Anonymous
03/19/2019 22:24
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
I'm an overwhelmed working mom and I don't do half of what you do.
It sounds to me like you're trying to do all the stuff that a SAHM does, but also work full-time. I can't believe you aren't having a breakdown!
I have cleaners come 2x a month, I haven't worked out in over a decade, and I have someone watch the kids after school, and I'm still drowning. I feel awful for you trying to do all this.
It sounds to me like you're trying to do all the stuff that a SAHM does, but also work full-time. I can't believe you aren't having a breakdown!
I have cleaners come 2x a month, I haven't worked out in over a decade, and I have someone watch the kids after school, and I'm still drowning. I feel awful for you trying to do all this.
Anonymous
03/19/2019 21:52
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for so many helpful suggestions! Will definitely check out Learn/Do/Become.
To answer some questions--
1. Having the kids make lunches has been in the works for a while. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But I made a big announcement last week that they must do this in order to earn 1 hour of screen time.
2. I agree that 1.5 hours on screens is too long...it's admittedly a bad habit but a big chunk of my 4-5:30pm time is trying to make phone calls to patients/other healthcare providers before COB and I've found that trying to do this from the park, and/or while kids are supposedly entertaining themselves, just makes it more stressful.
3. DH does all of our laundry (mine included), drop offs, and covers all sick/snow days with very rare exceptions. This seems like a lot and while I agree he could be doing more day to day he is often not home until 7pm. And from there, he handles bedtime--obviously kids are pretty self-sufficient but he helps them along and reads to our younger one which means I can either chill or work.
4. However...he is very opposed to outsourcing anything we could do ourselves. Cleaning and yard work being the 2 major examples, and he thinks my standards are too high. This is a big reason why the house is messy when we're gone for 8 hours---because he leaves shoes and clothes lying around, and the kids do, too. I have become pretty relaxed in this regard but am *constantly* having to remind kids to hang up their jackets, put away their shoes, put away their books...and DH leaves just as much stuff lying around. But not trying to get into a major marital tussle over this.
5. I agree that I should aim for more weekend meal prep. We are vegetarian which means there's just not a huge amount of appealing slow cooker options, and at least 1 night/week we do takeout, and on another, I do something super simple (tacos, usually). Other nights I try to limit my meal prep/cooking to 30 minutes but with work and kid-related interruptions it's honestly 45 or more and very hard to cut that down.
I have lately had additional work projects to do on the weekends which has made the prospect of meal prep really hard to wrap my brain around. But will give it a shot!
Just on the vegetarian issue -- we've recently been trying to do more veg meals. I found that a simple Instapot of chickpeas mixed with olive oil, parsley, and chopped cherry tomatoes is a huge winner. Baked sweet potato wedges and another veg on the side. Make big pots of grain in the Instapot to use for the week (farro, quinoa, etc.)
Anonymous
03/19/2019 21:50
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
You probably need to have a family meeting about this. It doesn't make sense that your health is struggling when there are three other able-bodied people in the house to help.
1) Bump the cleaners to 2x a month
2) Have the kids help out instead of 1.5 hours a day. They could be cleaning the house, for example (sweep floor, take out garbage, fold and put away laundry, empty dishwasher). Making their own lunches. Helping with meal prep.
3) Your husband needs to do more. It sounds like you're doing all the cooking, tidying, and shopping/house inventory in addition to the after school. We're a two career couple also and my DH cooks during the week and handles laundry and our Amazon order. Everyone knows the mental load for women is high and if you don't outsource the non-management stuff (i.e. the stuff that does not require research, planning, or shopping), you're gone.
1) Bump the cleaners to 2x a month
2) Have the kids help out instead of 1.5 hours a day. They could be cleaning the house, for example (sweep floor, take out garbage, fold and put away laundry, empty dishwasher). Making their own lunches. Helping with meal prep.
3) Your husband needs to do more. It sounds like you're doing all the cooking, tidying, and shopping/house inventory in addition to the after school. We're a two career couple also and my DH cooks during the week and handles laundry and our Amazon order. Everyone knows the mental load for women is high and if you don't outsource the non-management stuff (i.e. the stuff that does not require research, planning, or shopping), you're gone.
Anonymous
03/19/2019 20:30
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
OP again. Thanks for so many helpful suggestions! Will definitely check out Learn/Do/Become.
To answer some questions--
1. Having the kids make lunches has been in the works for a while. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But I made a big announcement last week that they must do this in order to earn 1 hour of screen time.
2. I agree that 1.5 hours on screens is too long...it's admittedly a bad habit but a big chunk of my 4-5:30pm time is trying to make phone calls to patients/other healthcare providers before COB and I've found that trying to do this from the park, and/or while kids are supposedly entertaining themselves, just makes it more stressful.
3. DH does all of our laundry (mine included), drop offs, and covers all sick/snow days with very rare exceptions. This seems like a lot and while I agree he could be doing more day to day he is often not home until 7pm. And from there, he handles bedtime--obviously kids are pretty self-sufficient but he helps them along and reads to our younger one which means I can either chill or work.
4. However...he is very opposed to outsourcing anything we could do ourselves. Cleaning and yard work being the 2 major examples, and he thinks my standards are too high. This is a big reason why the house is messy when we're gone for 8 hours---because he leaves shoes and clothes lying around, and the kids do, too. I have become pretty relaxed in this regard but am *constantly* having to remind kids to hang up their jackets, put away their shoes, put away their books...and DH leaves just as much stuff lying around. But not trying to get into a major marital tussle over this.
5. I agree that I should aim for more weekend meal prep. We are vegetarian which means there's just not a huge amount of appealing slow cooker options, and at least 1 night/week we do takeout, and on another, I do something super simple (tacos, usually). Other nights I try to limit my meal prep/cooking to 30 minutes but with work and kid-related interruptions it's honestly 45 or more and very hard to cut that down.
I have lately had additional work projects to do on the weekends which has made the prospect of meal prep really hard to wrap my brain around. But will give it a shot!
To answer some questions--
1. Having the kids make lunches has been in the works for a while. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But I made a big announcement last week that they must do this in order to earn 1 hour of screen time.
2. I agree that 1.5 hours on screens is too long...it's admittedly a bad habit but a big chunk of my 4-5:30pm time is trying to make phone calls to patients/other healthcare providers before COB and I've found that trying to do this from the park, and/or while kids are supposedly entertaining themselves, just makes it more stressful.
3. DH does all of our laundry (mine included), drop offs, and covers all sick/snow days with very rare exceptions. This seems like a lot and while I agree he could be doing more day to day he is often not home until 7pm. And from there, he handles bedtime--obviously kids are pretty self-sufficient but he helps them along and reads to our younger one which means I can either chill or work.
4. However...he is very opposed to outsourcing anything we could do ourselves. Cleaning and yard work being the 2 major examples, and he thinks my standards are too high. This is a big reason why the house is messy when we're gone for 8 hours---because he leaves shoes and clothes lying around, and the kids do, too. I have become pretty relaxed in this regard but am *constantly* having to remind kids to hang up their jackets, put away their shoes, put away their books...and DH leaves just as much stuff lying around. But not trying to get into a major marital tussle over this.
5. I agree that I should aim for more weekend meal prep. We are vegetarian which means there's just not a huge amount of appealing slow cooker options, and at least 1 night/week we do takeout, and on another, I do something super simple (tacos, usually). Other nights I try to limit my meal prep/cooking to 30 minutes but with work and kid-related interruptions it's honestly 45 or more and very hard to cut that down.
I have lately had additional work projects to do on the weekends which has made the prospect of meal prep really hard to wrap my brain around. But will give it a shot!
Anonymous
03/19/2019 19:43
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
Umm, freezing the sandwiches probably makes them taste gross.
I'm the PP who freezes sandwiches. I have a super picky eater in the family and even he has no problem with frozen sandwiches. (And he has a problem with everything...!)
I mean, to each his or her own. But if you package the sandwiches air tight, double wrap in a larger bag (I use the bread bag) and keep them no longer than 10 days in the freezer, they taste perfectly fine when thawed. Of course you can't use mayo or mustard, or tomatoes or lettuce. If you want those, either pack them separately, or thaw the night before and add before placing in the lunch box (but that's a level of effort that negates the time savings of making them ahead of time.)
Anonymous
03/19/2019 19:30
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
I'm not the PP, but the PBJ sandwiches freeze and thaw just fine. I do that with my own lunch. The lunchmeat ones should be fine also, just don't put condiments on it before freezing.
Anonymous
03/19/2019 19:08
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Work on streamlining that "Craziest part of the day" by reducing things you need to do at that time.
My favorite lunch tip is to make a big loaf or two of sandwiches on the weekends all at one time. Put each sandwich in its own ziploc bag then put all the sandwiches back into the bread loaf wrapper (squeeze out as much air as possible) and freeze it.
Each morning pull out the sandwich you want and it will thaw in the lunch box.
This works with cold cuts and cheese sandwiches (no condiments or lettuce) and with nut or seed butter and jelly sandwiches as well. Just spread the nut butter or seed butter on both sides of bread and put the jelly in between (jelly doesn't touch the bread) and then freeze.
I can make about 18 ham/turkey/cheese sandwiches in 5 minutes (including cleanup) on Sunday night (or my kids can) and bag them and freeze them. That's 2 loaves of bread and maybe a pound of each cold cut.
Then bag up some carrot slices, dip etc ahead of time and find some other fruit or snacks you like and get them ready as well so each lunch is prepared for all 5 days of the week for each kid.
Umm, freezing the sandwiches probably makes them taste gross.