Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

Why was it a mistake?

I sensed something was off, but went ahead and got married. He was not diagnosed until after we were married, and he is unwilling to take his medication at the prescribed doses. Not interested in CBT or other therapies. There are some upsides, he's good at his non-STEM job and we have long ago decided to have separate social lives so it's no longer awkward for me in social situations. And awareness of his disorder allowed me to catch it in our DS when he was a toddler and he's doing great now thanks to early interventions.

I'm happy Amy Schumer is happy. I honestly look at it like I married the wrong guy, not I married the wrong guy because he's on the spectrum.

I'm so glad someone asked the follow up question, because this isn't how I read your first post. Thanks for clarifying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

Why was it a mistake?

I sensed something was off, but went ahead and got married. He was not diagnosed until after we were married, and he is unwilling to take his medication at the prescribed doses. Not interested in CBT or other therapies. There are some upsides, he's good at his non-STEM job and we have long ago decided to have separate social lives so it's no longer awkward for me in social situations. And awareness of his disorder allowed me to catch it in our DS when he was a toddler and he's doing great now thanks to early interventions.

I'm happy Amy Schumer is happy. I honestly look at it like I married the wrong guy, not I married the wrong guy because he's on the spectrum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

I am friendly acquaintances with a dad who is on the spectrum - he told me upon our first meeting but I would have guessed it on my own. He's a nice man and I can see him having good qualities as a husband and father. But, he's very difficult to be around. He picks up on very little social cues, or at least he doesn't know what to do with them when he does pick them up. He interrupts when others are talking and talks about unsavory things in the wrong environment for too long. His wife seems super nice and I always wonder if she feels social isolation because of it.

It's interesting that you expect him to conform to your social norms but you can't change a little yourself.

It's easy to redirect a conversation with an aspie person because they won't take it personally (even if you mean it personally... but that is on you) and they have no problem being told straight forward..."im uncomfortable with this conversation can we talk about X".

I suspect they don't feel isolated because they have good friends and then acquaintances like you... doesn't everybody.

I find it easy to navigate, you seem bothered by it... were you isolated as a child... are you an ONLY?

Actually, I do navigate it. And, he seeks me out almost exclusively in social situations because most people just turn away from him. I don't think I've ever seen him talk to others for more than a few minutes and I see him in a number of different settings. Good point about being more straightforward about telling him when the convo is becoming too gross or whatever. I should do that.

Nice to slip in the ad hominem attack at the end there. ONLY, in all caps. You might want to think it's just me but it isn't. Really.

Anonymous wrote:There are many, many, many happily married people that would have been diagnosed with autism if they were children today, but it wasn’t being diagnosed back then.

THIS.
Not to sidetrack this post but I've been married 17 years (been together almost 25 years). My DH and I have hit a really rough patch and I want a divorce. I've been replaying our relationship in my head and thinking about all of the decisions that he's made in the midst of a mid-life crisis that have upended our family. My youngest DS has mild learning challenges and exhibits some behaviors that I've questioned over the years. He's been assessed for everything and nothing on the spectrum was identified. All this to say... I've recently began to wonder if my DH is on the spectrum; some of the quirks and repetitive nature of certain behaviors. The anxiety, rote nature of his understanding and responses, etc...

This post is like an epiphany. I've lost of empathy and compassion for him because some of the things that he's done has had a really negative financial effect on our lives. However, this adds a little perspective. I know... I'm rambling but I really love my DH. He's an awesome individual. So wondering if there is just some underlying, undiagnosed issue that has finally reared its ugly head in a very, very bad way.

I know what you mean, OP. I hope your DC has a great future and finds just the right ways to connect.

I don't really like Amy Schumer, so a little bit of this story made me sad … I hope she's not selling him out or putting him out there in a way he doesn't want to be.

^^^ exactly. You can absolutely redirect the conversation. How refreshing to be able to be direct and not beat around the bush to get around offending someone!

If only everyone thought like you, PP (I hope more people do)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

I am friendly acquaintances with a dad who is on the spectrum - he told me upon our first meeting but I would have guessed it on my own. He's a nice man and I can see him having good qualities as a husband and father. But, he's very difficult to be around. He picks up on very little social cues, or at least he doesn't know what to do with them when he does pick them up. He interrupts when others are talking and talks about unsavory things in the wrong environment for too long. His wife seems super nice and I always wonder if she feels social isolation because of it.

It's interesting that you expect him to conform to your social norms but you can't change a little yourself.

It's easy to redirect a conversation with an aspie person because they won't take it personally (even if you mean it personally... but that is on you) and they have no problem being told straight forward..."im uncomfortable with this conversation can we talk about X".

I suspect they don't feel isolated because they have good friends and then acquaintances like you... doesn't everybody.

I find it easy to navigate, you seem bothered by it... were you isolated as a child... are you an ONLY?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She falls during a walk and "He kind of froze and became a lighthouse, opening and closing his mouth." This is endearing and makes her love him.

Uh, ok? also: lighthouse? does she know what they actually do?

That lighthouse description makes perfect sense to me. That is exactly my sister. Tall, standing there, gulping air... something is registering... but guaranteed her triaging of questions/concerns/comments will be off the wall and most likely unhelpful but logical and very entertaining when it does come.

Not following. How do your sister’s actions remind you of a lighthouse?

NP, I totally imagined it right away too, but it's hard to explain the visual more than already has been given.

This tall rigid figure with his arms helplessly attached to his sides (lighthouse), with mouth opening/closing (light flashing off/on), not knowing what to do so he just stands there ostentatiously doing nothing.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

I am friendly acquaintances with a dad who is on the spectrum - he told me upon our first meeting but I would have guessed it on my own. He's a nice man and I can see him having good qualities as a husband and father. But, he's very difficult to be around. He picks up on very little social cues, or at least he doesn't know what to do with them when he does pick them up. He interrupts when others are talking and talks about unsavory things in the wrong environment for too long. His wife seems super nice and I always wonder if she feels social isolation because of it.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he's just a guy like a lot of guys. Are all engineers, male or female on the spectrum. No. Labeling is pretty ridiculous now. What is the purpose of it? Does he need an IEP code?

Um, no not all engineers are on the spectrum. Also not everyone on the spectrum not some magical stem unicorn of brilliance.

For parents who are wondering about their kids' romantic futures, there's this:

https://www.npr.org/2012/02/03/146342668/best-practices-learning-to-live-with-aspergers

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She falls during a walk and "He kind of froze and became a lighthouse, opening and closing his mouth." This is endearing and makes her love him.

Uh, ok? also: lighthouse? does she know what they actually do?

That lighthouse description makes perfect sense to me. That is exactly my sister. Tall, standing there, gulping air... something is registering... but guaranteed her triaging of questions/concerns/comments will be off the wall and most likely unhelpful but logical and very entertaining when it does come.

Not following. How do your sister’s actions remind you of a lighthouse?

I’m not a fan of hers whatsoever- I find her politics appalling and her comedy lame (she’s copied her whole act). Despite all of this, I really enjoyed reading this and find their relationship to be very sweet. I wish her well!

Anonymous wrote:Can slow people really consent to normal people? It seems kind of messed up

O good lord.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is in the spectrum and it was such a mistake to get married. How mother is so grateful he found someone to marry, and I really like my in-laws

Why was it a mistake?