I think there is a name for it, it is called delayed grief or something. The thing is that you never truly experienced grief so this is why it is coming now. I is good thing and healthy to go through the process because with such a great loss and time on your hand now only now you can reevaluate your whole world which in a way is what every loss brings upon. It changes everything so if you have not experienced it yet, now you are.
Go and read about stages of grief and this helps to know what is coming. Watch youtube videos on grief, loss of parent etc.. great help again.
No matter what no matter who, grief is a lonely and heavy journey, you need to do it on your own, no matter who will help, at the end of the day you need to sort things out and glue the pieces back and try to go on. It is hard but it gets easier, not because the pain gets smaller but
because you will grow a muscle to carry the pain just like it was a heavy weight.

What is helping a lot is to talk to your parent, if you open yourself to the idea that you want feel his presence, it will manifest itself in things, images, events that will be surprisingly related to dad and it is like a message from him that he is there for you and with you. Talk to him, see him in your mind, go back in time and enter a place that he is alive and interact with him in your mind as he is alive and like you did when he was.
Ask him the questions you wanted and you might be surprised as whatever is in you he installed might just provide the answer and you will hear his voice and his advice.

It does get better but don't rush it and don't push it, treat your grief with respect and as it is something precious that it is. It is painful experience of growing by a lot as an adult, get strong because when mom will go you will be twice as devastated but you can manage, you are strong and you will be fine. Just take one feeling and one thought at a time, at first they hurt and then they hurt less, but feel them through, this is the only way.

Anonymous wrote:My father died in 1992, when I was in my twenties. I've always missed him, but now that I have children, there are countless moments when I think, "I really wish my father could have been here for this."

You'll never be over it, OP. It's Ok to be sad. You just have to keep living, and always remember. Good luck to you.

My dad died unexpectedly in 1993 when dd was a month old. They would have gotten along so well and I'm sorry he never got to know her. They had a lot in common. Also I know he would have loved the internet and I'm sorry he didn't get to try that!