Anonymous
03/12/2019 21:34
Subject: If giving gifts/things is your "love language..."
Anonymous wrote:I tried to tell my mother in law to stop buying us so much stuff. It wasn't for any birthday or holiday celebration she would just go shopping and buy random things to give us. We even received furniture and house furnishings. I asked her to buy smaller items or specific things that DH liked, didn't make a difference.
She of course got upset, told me I hurt her and continued doing as she pleased. I was told I was rude for refusing a person's gift. I ended up accepting everything and throwing it away or donating it. I am a minimalist so I didn't want the extra items taking up space.
Eventually DH told her to stop and she stopped straight away. Apparently it wasn't rude when he asked.
This is completely on you.
Your DH should have talked to his own mother from the beginning. There was no reason for you to step in first.
Anonymous
03/12/2019 21:25
Subject: If giving gifts/things is your "love language..."
I tried to tell my mother in law to stop buying us so much stuff. It wasn't for any birthday or holiday celebration she would just go shopping and buy random things to give us. We even received furniture and house furnishings. I asked her to buy smaller items or specific things that DH liked, didn't make a difference.
She of course got upset, told me I hurt her and continued doing as she pleased. I was told I was rude for refusing a person's gift. I ended up accepting everything and throwing it away or donating it. I am a minimalist so I didn't want the extra items taking up space.
Eventually DH told her to stop and she stopped straight away. Apparently it wasn't rude when he asked.
She of course got upset, told me I hurt her and continued doing as she pleased. I was told I was rude for refusing a person's gift. I ended up accepting everything and throwing it away or donating it. I am a minimalist so I didn't want the extra items taking up space.
Eventually DH told her to stop and she stopped straight away. Apparently it wasn't rude when he asked.
Anonymous
03/12/2019 19:21
Subject: If giving gifts/things is your "love language..."
My DH uses gifts as a weak replacement for real engagement, like helping around the house or spending time doing things with me. I've let him know I don't consider expensive gifts, paid for from our joint account, a sign of affection, especially as he often does this at the last minute. He likes to shop as a distraction.
He recently made me a couple items and installed some shelves in the kitchen while I was out of town. I was delighted. I've given him LOTS of appreciation and let him know these felt like true expressions of love. I think he is finally getting it.
He recently made me a couple items and installed some shelves in the kitchen while I was out of town. I was delighted. I've given him LOTS of appreciation and let him know these felt like true expressions of love. I think he is finally getting it.
Anonymous
03/12/2019 17:25
Subject: If giving gifts/things is your "love language..."
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How would you want someone to tell you: "please, I don't need any more stuff. There is no need to give me a present."
I don't live in a big space, and manage it well... but dear god, SO MUCH STUFF. Much of it is brought on by myself, but there are lots of little things I've found from people over the years. And the packaging. And just unused stuff.
I would SO much rather do an experience or activity with someone, but I know that giving presents is the love language for a lot of people. What's the best way to tell you politely and with love, that for the love of god, you don't need to buy me another thing for the rest of our lives. Ever.
Has anyone had this conversation with people? Birthdays, xmas, random times... I don't need/want any of it.
One Valentines Day DW told me not to get her anymore flowers. So I did. But I never forgive her. And I think I stopped loving her since.
Wait, what? You stopped loving your wife because she told you not to get her flowers anymore? It sounds like you have issues.
I probably do, but that's also when I realized I wasn't appreciated.
I guess the moral of the story is be careful what you wish for.
You really need to read the love language book.