Anonymous wrote:I was invited to a friend's husband's retirement party. Private dining room at Capitol grill. Lots of wine, apps, etc. At the end, I was given my portion of the bill--I almost passed out. Had no idea I was expected to pay for it, and as a single mother it was definitely not in my budget. Actually ruined teh friendship, since nothing let me know in advance that I'd be expected to pay or let me bow out gracefully.

I would have handed the slip to the "friend" and walked out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is constantly discussed. Some ppl are fine with it some thing it's horrid. I don't mind it as it's easy to frame one vs the other. "Celebrating Dan at old arnies Friday if you want to stop for a drink or a bite to eat with us." = pay your own way. "Please join us at XYZ for Laura's 40th, we are in the front reserved room, let us know if you can attend." = a party where ppl are hosting.

OP here. I disagree. Scenario #1 is still tacky.

Nah, it's just casual. Maybe you don't do casual. You'd rather sit ramrod straight in your backless chair at home, clutching your pearls and pursing your lips. If that's more satisfying than paying for your own beer at a bar to celebrate a friend, you do you, boo boo.

I casually entertain all the time. But I don’t expect my guests to pay their “share” and I certainly don’t do potluck.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The amount is not relevant. It’s who is doing the inviting. It’s a good thing my grandmother is dead, or this would kill her. Manners are dead and the responses on here prove it.

I agree with you that it is tacky. I agree with you that my grandparents' generation didn't operate this way.

But here's what: it is JUST as tacky to accept an invitation and then bitch and moan about it.

This is a dynamic that IS. About half the poplulation thinks it is tacky and would never, and the other half thinks it is fine and does it. That's where we're at, buddy. Accept or decline.

I actually think the birthday person should pay for the entire meal. DH and I are swamped by paying for our parents' birthday dinners, grandparents birthday dinners and uncles, etc. When our birthdays roll around no one pays for them (my toddler?!).

Mothers Day and Fathers Day are horrible jokes. DH and I pay for EVERYONE. It will be a brunch of 15-20 and we get stuck with the tab. We're mothers and fathers too? When do I get to celebrate with my kids? I'm the only one who is actively mothering someone under 18, but I have to pay for parents, grandparents, aunts, great grandmas, etc. Also, DH and I make less than most there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is constantly discussed. Some ppl are fine with it some thing it's horrid. I don't mind it as it's easy to frame one vs the other. "Celebrating Dan at old arnies Friday if you want to stop for a drink or a bite to eat with us." = pay your own way. "Please join us at XYZ for Laura's 40th, we are in the front reserved room, let us know if you can attend." = a party where ppl are hosting.

OP here. I disagree. Scenario #1 is still tacky.

Nah, it's just casual. Maybe you don't do casual. You'd rather sit ramrod straight in your backless chair at home, clutching your pearls and pursing your lips. If that's more satisfying than paying for your own beer at a bar to celebrate a friend, you do you, boo boo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

Again, some more, you can continue being indignant and mad about this. But it is going to continue to be a dynamic that some people think is tacky, and others are completely fine with. Plan, and accept/decline, accordingly.

Next time just start a go fund me for it. It would be simpler. And the same idea.

Babe, I don't do this; this is not how I issue invitations. I host frequently in my home. When we go out, we treat (or at least offer to). But I'm a realistic person who doesn't bitch and moan about reality. I see reality for what it is, and I plan and act accordingly.

Stay mad, though. If you want.

+1

This post comes up all the time. Who is this poster and what is so difficult about declining an invitation if you think something is "tacky"? What if you are the tacky one?

You don’t get to redefine the definition of a word simply because you don’t like its meaning.

OP here. The amount is not relevant. It’s who is doing the inviting. It’s a good thing my grandmother is dead, or this would kill her. Manners are dead and the responses on here prove it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

Again, some more, you can continue being indignant and mad about this. But it is going to continue to be a dynamic that some people think is tacky, and others are completely fine with. Plan, and accept/decline, accordingly.

Next time just start a go fund me for it. It would be simpler. And the same idea.

Babe, I don't do this; this is not how I issue invitations. I host frequently in my home. When we go out, we treat (or at least offer to). But I'm a realistic person who doesn't bitch and moan about reality. I see reality for what it is, and I plan and act accordingly.

Stay mad, though. If you want.

+1

This post comes up all the time. Who is this poster and what is so difficult about declining an invitation if you think something is "tacky"? What if you are the tacky one?

I was invited to a friend's husband's retirement party. Private dining room at Capitol grill. Lots of wine, apps, etc. At the end, I was given my portion of the bill--I almost passed out. Had no idea I was expected to pay for it, and as a single mother it was definitely not in my budget. Actually ruined teh friendship, since nothing let me know in advance that I'd be expected to pay or let me bow out gracefully.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

Again, some more, you can continue being indignant and mad about this. But it is going to continue to be a dynamic that some people think is tacky, and others are completely fine with. Plan, and accept/decline, accordingly.

Next time just start a go fund me for it. It would be simpler. And the same idea.

Babe, I don't do this; this is not how I issue invitations. I host frequently in my home. When we go out, we treat (or at least offer to). But I'm a realistic person who doesn't bitch and moan about reality. I see reality for what it is, and I plan and act accordingly.

Stay mad, though. If you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your friend’s B-day is not worth $50? They are better off without you. It’s seems a little narcissistic of you to think they should pay for the pleasure of your company.

I don't think you understand expensive if you think it's $50.
I've been in this situation and with the alcohol and all that more like $300. Yeah, don't spend my money for me.

Where are you eating and what circles do you run with where a restaurant dinner with drinks is $300 per person???

We've had people order a bunch of appetizers and expensive bottles of wine and then expect to split the bill. It's not that hard with alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

Again, some more, you can continue being indignant and mad about this. But it is going to continue to be a dynamic that some people think is tacky, and others are completely fine with. Plan, and accept/decline, accordingly.

Next time just start a go fund me for it. It would be simpler. And the same idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

Again, some more, you can continue being indignant and mad about this. But it is going to continue to be a dynamic that some people think is tacky, and others are completely fine with. Plan, and accept/decline, accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your friend’s B-day is not worth $50? They are better off without you. It’s seems a little narcissistic of you to think they should pay for the pleasure of your company.

I don't think you understand expensive if you think it's $50.
I've been in this situation and with the alcohol and all that more like $300. Yeah, don't spend my money for me.

Where are you eating and what circles do you run with where a restaurant dinner with drinks is $300 per person???

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it depend on the person? We usually take our parents and inlaws out for their birthdays and have to pick up the entire tab. They always pick the place and there are other presents too.

You are correct.

Millennials want to be treated so they are offended by splitting the tab for Grandma's 75th.