Anonymous
03/04/2019 08:58
Subject: Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You already lied to your family, can’t go to the in-laws.
Listen, learn to be honest.
Tell family that you appreciate the offer, but you need a weekend at home.
Don’t play games.
Not playing games. I have no problems telling my parents we decided to stay home but don’t want to see anyone. They would understand.
Then why did you lie to them?
Anonymous
03/03/2019 14:56
Subject: Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
You all deserve your nesting weekend. Tell both your parents that you will see them the following weekend.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:29
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just go away somewhere? Invite both sets of parents , though they would probably decline, right?
Why not get away?
Or could you invite parents to your house for takeout and babysitting?
These suggestions completely miss the point. The problem is that her family has had very little time together, nor time to recharge (presumably her husband has seen her as little as she has seen her husband), and OP sought to set aside a time for their nuclear family.
In response, her husband says, "But Mom wants...."
The idea that she should lways put her parents wishes above her own is wrong, as is the rude idea of inviting people somewhere when you hope they don't come. Sheesh.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:17
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just go away somewhere? Invite both sets of parents , though they would probably decline, right?
Why not get away?
Or could you invite parents to your house for takeout and babysitting?
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:16
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Why don’t you just go away somewhere? Invite both sets of parents , though they would probably decline, right?
Why not get away?
Why not get away?
Anonymous
03/03/2019 08:28
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
The issue isn't about reasonableness or possessiveness. It's that you feel you have to invent a story for your DH so that he's got an excuse not to do what his parents want. I suspect that this carries over into other parts of your life - and for that I'm sorry. You need to stop making up stories/lies. You should work with a counselor to help you both work on this issue. I've been where you are with work schedules and stress. It was a really tough time and takes a toll on the relationship. That should be your first priority.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 06:09
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Anonymous wrote:Is his mom the hovering / doting kind? Like she will make his favorite meal for this weekend and ask him if he needs drink refills? And let him sit and veg in front of the tv while the women do the dishes? If the answer is yes, then your husband is not putting his mother’s feelings before yours. He is putting his own. He is, consciously or not, sending a message that he is tired and drained and needs to be pampered (you do too by the way.) it is ok to feel like that and I wonder if he thinks the weekend at home will be filled with “to-do” lists and massive cooking and not a lot of solo down time.
Talk to him. Ask him what his dream weekend would look like. Does he want an hour by the tv with people bringing him food snacks and refills? He can get that. Then, you also get an hour of your dream. See if you can make traction using th weekend to connect.
This is a good point. He may also be thinking a visit with his parents will be a break from taking care of the kids if his parents are hands-on types. Try telling him you want to stay home all weekend, doing nothing, ordering takeout and see if that gets a different response.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 06:00
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Is his mom the hovering / doting kind? Like she will make his favorite meal for this weekend and ask him if he needs drink refills? And let him sit and veg in front of the tv while the women do the dishes? If the answer is yes, then your husband is not putting his mother’s feelings before yours. He is putting his own. He is, consciously or not, sending a message that he is tired and drained and needs to be pampered (you do too by the way.) it is ok to feel like that and I wonder if he thinks the weekend at home will be filled with “to-do” lists and massive cooking and not a lot of solo down time.
Talk to him. Ask him what his dream weekend would look like. Does he want an hour by the tv with people bringing him food snacks and refills? He can get that. Then, you also get an hour of your dream. See if you can make traction using th weekend to connect.
Talk to him. Ask him what his dream weekend would look like. Does he want an hour by the tv with people bringing him food snacks and refills? He can get that. Then, you also get an hour of your dream. See if you can make traction using th weekend to connect.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 01:42
Subject: Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
Tell them, this weekend doesn't work how about next weekend. Why would your MIL be upset by that, she refused plans when she was busy so surely she would understand that you can't do it this weekend but ok for the following weekend.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 00:36
Subject: Re:Am I being unreasonable and possessive?
You do have plans. You have plans as a family. This time is important. And it woukd be totally unfair to say no to one set of grandparents and then sa6 yes to the other.