Anonymous wrote:My dad was horrible about this. Everything I achieved was yep, just like your dad. Every test mark, my favorite subjects, every compliment. My mom was the same but opposite- I was never good at math, one time me me me.

Yet if I made the slightest imperfect decision though, that was all on me. And worse because I was now making him look bad.

So now I have my own kids, I don't do that to them but struggle with validation and feeling good enough.

It's a horrid attitude to raise kids with. Kids are separate and unique people. Dd looks just like me, everyone says it, but no mini-me crap. It's so damaging.

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. It is so self-centered and insecure of the mothers. Sad, actually.

I agree with OP. The narcissism is rampant.

+2. Your child is a complete and separate being. Constantly getting gratification from making the child an extension of the parent is unhealthy.

Yes.

Also calling kid your bestie. Barf.

My dad was horrible about this. Everything I achieved was yep, just like your dad. Every test mark, my favorite subjects, every compliment. My mom was the same but opposite- I was never good at math, one time me me me.

Yet if I made the slightest imperfect decision though, that was all on me. And worse because I was now making him look bad.

So now I have my own kids, I don't do that to them but struggle with validation and feeling good enough.

It's a horrid attitude to raise kids with. Kids are separate and unique people. Dd looks just like me, everyone says it, but no mini-me crap. It's so damaging.

Wow, you read a lot into a stupid, cutesy Facebook post.

My friend played soccer through high school and her preschooler just started soccer. She posted something like that once. In no way did it make me think that her daughter is not allowed to live her own life or only exists as a reflection of my friend. ha! That's a lot of inserted drama, OP.

Anonymous wrote:People have been doing this for centuries in their heads and out loud to one another, just not on social media, so you're seeing it more.

"He has Harold's eyes" or "she's such a Daddy's Girl" or "she reminds me of Kate at that age" or "she reminds me of me!" are common, common themes discussed by parents, grandparents, etc.

Come on. You know this.

NP here. And not the same at all! OP, who I agree with, is talking about a mother who must attach herself to her child’s accomplishments or activities. It has nothing to do with noting a genetic resemblance!!

I feel sorry for the mothers who feel the need to post a picture of their child playing soccer only to insinuate themselves into the child’s activity with a “like mother like son/daughter” comment. Who the hell cares if the mother played soccer, rode horses or wore a tutu?! Let this be about the child.

People have been doing this for centuries in their heads and out loud to one another, just not on social media, so you're seeing it more.

"He has Harold's eyes" or "she's such a Daddy's Girl" or "she reminds me of Kate at that age" or "she reminds me of me!" are common, common themes discussed by parents, grandparents, etc.

Come on. You know this.

I don’t know that I’ve ever posted it before but my daughter is much like my mom has always described me as a kid and I think about it a lot because it makes me understand both the good and challenging of my mom’s experience.

The mothers who post pictures of their kids are narcissistic and desperate for attention already. What you’re describing is just worse.

lol...spouse and I are on the opposite boat. We have two kids and we see absolutely no resemblance of us in them even though people say that they look like us.

I think DD is a mini DH, but female. Where does that leave us?

My kid looks just like his dad. They look alike in the face, they have the same expressions, they even stand in the same stance sometimes. And it gets even funnier because my son likes to dress like Daddy, so there the two of them will be, in their similar enough shorts and polos, or whatever, standing in the same stance, smiling the same smile at me while I take a photo. I will absolutely comment that they look like frick and frack. Why would it be narcissism if the only difference is that the kid looked like me instead of my husband?

Sometimes people just make a comment. People like to say your kid looks like Aunt X and Granddad Y and whoever else, because it helps them fold the kid into the tribe, so to speak. I wouldn't make too much of it. And if you hear someone else make such a comment, I'd take it at face value, as just a comment. Use your emotional energy elsewhere, not in judging others for conduct that does you no harm.

I think of it as a joke. But, I don't have facebook or anything.

I agree with you, OP.

I'm a Gen Xer (so, older mom) and I do observe this unhealthy, reflective behavior in too many moms, many of them in their 30s and early 40s. I never post photos of my kids on social media or talk about them, because I want them to be able to write their own narratives someday. I'm leaving them as blank pages, on purpose.

My job as a mom is to help my kids (now teens) develop who THEY are, different and independent from me. You either give them that freedom as teens, or they'll take it from you. Your choice. Parenting is a process of slowly letting go until they can fly away on their own.

Yep, I hear you. A friend posted an adorable photo of her daughter on a horse and captioned it “Just like her Mama!” The daughter on the horse wasn’t enough apparently - the mother had to let everyone know that she rode horses too. Poor kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. It is so self-centered and insecure of the mothers. Sad, actually.

I agree with OP. The narcissism is rampant.

+2. Your child is a complete and separate being. Constantly getting gratification from making the child an extension of the parent is unhealthy.