Friendships are going to evolve for the kids. That’s great you’re friends with the moms but your kids might not stay friends.

I would counsel your son to hang out with other kids who are nice to him. I always tell my kids that friends aren’t supposed to make you feel bad. Your kid should work to have more friend options. Encourage him to widen his circle.

2nd grade is a typical time when the preschool cohorts start breaking up. They're not new to ES anymore, have met other kids the past two years, and are forming their own friendships outside of the parents.

Anonymous wrote:Don't ask a neutral parent. That makes it more like gossip.

You can the parent directly if they've noticed anything is up with the kids.

yes, I made this mistake. I was upset so talked about it to univolved parents at the school and later felt gross. They are kids and it is gossip.

I think it depends on the parents. If you are good friends with them, then you know their philosophy on whether their kids HAVE to be nice and inclusive when at school or at a playground or whether their kids are allowed to choose who they play with when at school or a playground. Their really are two camps on this question. I fall very strongly into one camp so I recognize the other exists.

Don't ask a neutral parent. That makes it more like gossip.

You can the parent directly if they've noticed anything is up with the kids.

If your goal is to get the parents to stop their kids from being mean and excluding your son, it might not work even if the parents are 100% on board. The parents do not have control over their child at aftercare and their lectures and admonishment could go unheeded.

Better to help your son get help from aftercare workers and to role play possible responses with him. Do you have a school psychologist or counselor who can help your son think of how to respond? I agree with a PP 8 is a really large group and it may be breaking up naturally.

I would try to get them all together to play, so you can observe and see the dynamics for yourself. My kid is in a three friend situation and she often feels like the excluded one, but I've observed that it's just a typical three friend thing where the kid on the outs is always shifting. I just remind me kid of the strategies she can use if she feels excluded: tell her friends, play with someone else, do something on her own.

Anonymous wrote:No- other parents get crazy/defensive about their kids if they hear it from another parent. It will be awkward and might mess up your own friendships, without actually helping the situation.

Tell the aftercare staff and let them deal with the problems and talk with the parents if it becomes necessary.

I'm on Team Ask 1 Other Parent, but this brought up a good point. Don't approach a parent of one of the kids in question. Ask a neutral parent who may be able to see both sides of the story.

No- other parents get crazy/defensive about their kids if they hear it from another parent. It will be awkward and might mess up your own friendships, without actually helping the situation.

Tell the aftercare staff and let them deal with the problems and talk with the parents if it becomes necessary.

My son is the same age and goes to a therapist to deal with my divorce from his dad. And something similar came up with him. The therapist said he strongly believes that the kids need to learn to work these things out on their own, without parental involvement. He did talk with my son about things he could say, so you might want to try that.

Teach your child some coping skills and wait a few weeks. If the children are old enough to be playing without parental supervision, they're old enough to work it out themselves. That includes teaching your son to ask the adult on the scene for help or guidance. This is a great opportunity to empower him.

Anonymous wrote:No, you let your kid work it out. You talk to your kid about what he's doing, and ways he can talk to them. Your snowflake needs to learn to fight his own battles.

I'm in favor of TEACHING the kids how to work it out and fight their own battles. For many kids (and adults), conflict resolution is not a natural skill. They don't pick it up on their own. The playground is where kids should be practicing and refining social skills, but it's a shit for teaching them.

I think it's totally reasonable for OP to ask one or two mothers if they have a better idea of what's going on. Maybe the kids are naturally growing apart. Also, 8 is a big number for a group. OP could tell her kid to focus on the 4 kids who are still friendly and stay out of the way of the other 4.

That said, OP's post makes it sound like she's wondering if she should tell the other parents so that the other parents can scold their kid, and I DON'T agree with that. That's based on too much he said she said.

No, you let your kid work it out. You talk to your kid about what he's doing, and ways he can talk to them. Your snowflake needs to learn to fight his own battles.

Do they have the same interests? At this age especially with boys is often just about what they want to do rather than who they want to do it with. Like if they want to play basketball, kids will play basketball. If they want to build Legos, kids will build Legos. What does he like to do? Is it different than what his old friends like to do?

You need to figure out a way to phrase this that is less, “your kid is doing so and so to my kid” and more “it seems like somethings up with these two, what are you hearing?” There is almost always another side to these things, and more often than not when you roll in ready to tell the other parent all the crappy things her kid is doing, she is going to respond with something your kid is doing that your kid didn’t include in his description. For this reason, I would start by asking the staff what they are noticing.