Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 14:27     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I swear in front of our 4 y/o here and there. We've explained, and he's been able to understand, that grown ups can say some words that it's not okay for kids to use, because grown ups know when and were NOT to say them.


I swear in front of my 17 year old, and I really think I shouldn't. When I was living in Germany, a buddy told me the story of an American he knew who had moved to Germany after college and worked as a house painter (not sure how he got the job - may have had family there). Annyway, he arrived with decent German from school, and got to be very fluent. After a couple of years, he went back to the US and went to business school. When he was interviewing for positions that required German language after b-school, he didn't get jobs because he couldn't get through an interview without swearing. He knew he shouldn't do it, but it was so ingrained that he couldn't help it. Don't know if that story is true, but I do know that when I'm in the habit of swearing, it's hard for me to control sometimes.


That sound like an off reason for an adult to not get hired. Was he specifically told that was the reason?
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 10:41     Subject: Re:Spouse swearing in front of kids
No advice. Just commiseration. Despite my preference to raise my kids to AT LEAST have the decency to not swear in front of me . . . I lost that battle due to DH's swearing. I don't like that we are a cursing family and I tell my kids some people will judge them for it. But, alas, it is what it is at this point. I think the only thing that could have changed this is if I'd refused to date my DH until he cleaned up his language when we were in our 20s.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 18:23     Subject: Re:Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:I bet your DH is able to refrain from cussing at work. So he can control himself... when he really wants to.


Maybe. I found the workplace more full of cursing than a locker room. My co-worker dropped an f-bomb on a new client group (a group I had engaged with a prior employer) and no one except me blinked an eye. It got worse the higher up the ladder (SES on govt side, directors and senior consultants on private side). I don't know where to draw the line for you, OP, but if you're uncomfortable then you really need to hash it out with your DH.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 17:44     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Let it go. Not the hill to die on.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 17:39     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I swear in front of our 4 y/o here and there. We've explained, and he's been able to understand, that grown ups can say some words that it's not okay for kids to use, because grown ups know when and were NOT to say them.


I swear in front of my 17 year old, and I really think I shouldn't. When I was living in Germany, a buddy told me the story of an American he knew who had moved to Germany after college and worked as a house painter (not sure how he got the job - may have had family there). Annyway, he arrived with decent German from school, and got to be very fluent. After a couple of years, he went back to the US and went to business school. When he was interviewing for positions that required German language after b-school, he didn't get jobs because he couldn't get through an interview without swearing. He knew he shouldn't do it, but it was so ingrained that he couldn't help it. Don't know if that story is true, but I do know that when I'm in the habit of swearing, it's hard for me to control sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:43     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:Do you think if DH didn’t say those words, your son wouldn’t be exposed to them?

Does your son think he’s allowed to do everything DH does? Like if he saw DH having a beer, would he expect to be allowed to as well? Or driving? Staying up late?

It’s just like anything else. He doesn’t get to do everything adults do. You’re not your husband's mother, so don’t set yourself up for that dynamic.


Yes. Exactly. The OP's main issue is control-- whether she feels like she can and should control her husband, or if it's that she feels she has no control over her son's behavior, this boils down to needing to feel in control. It's not about swearing.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:41     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Into who also curses infront of the kids.

Maybe dh has adhd too.
Is he cursing in frustration or just conversationally?

Either way, let it go.



It doesn't matter. He is supposed to be the adult, and set a good example of self-control.


Not cursing is your version of self control. Not everyone agrees that cursing is taboo to the point children should never be exposed to their parents cursing.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:13     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:Into who also curses infront of the kids.

Maybe dh has adhd too.
Is he cursing in frustration or just conversationally?

Either way, let it go.



It doesn't matter. He is supposed to be the adult, and set a good example of self-control.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:11     Subject: Spouse swearing in front of kids
Into who also curses infront of the kids.

Maybe dh has adhd too.
Is he cursing in frustration or just conversationally?

Either way, let it go.

Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:02     Subject: Re:Spouse swearing in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As my kids have grown older 14, 12, 11, we've started to swear more, like we used to before kids. Like I'll say "that was a sh*ty thing to do" They know I don't like it when they swear in front of us or other adults, but they also know that I know they use foul language with their friends, which is fine. They are just words and harmless as long as they know when and when it isn't appropriate to use them.


Yep, this.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 15:55     Subject: Re:Spouse swearing in front of kids
I have been swearing in front of my kids since the day they were born. I haven’t noticed any ill effects.