I pay my dues and go to the few meetings I can make it to. I volunteer for what i want to volunteer for, but I don't need it for friends. I am glad the PTA officers are willing to do so much work for free.

Our school had some very down to earth PTA presidents for a while and now we do again. One year they had a Queen B in charge. We had a mutual friend and so I would politely say "hello" to her whenever I saw her. She would scowl at me as though to say "How dare you!" which i actually found amusing. She finally one day just said in an uppity tone, "do I know you?" and I said "Yes, we met through...." Then i got a fake hello after that. She got things done and made some positive changes in the school so I give her credit for that.

PTAs are to do things for the kids and teaches. I think it is awfully high maintenance to complain that you weren't treated with the right amount of enthusiastic deference. You aren't doing them a favor just by showing up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our ES PTA was ridiculous. Super cliquey, exclusive, and competitive, but they would swear up and down that they were sweet and welcoming. I just wrote checks, volunteered directly with the teachers, and steered clear. I wasn’t up for a repeat of my own middle school years.

Same. My husband called them The Yoga Pants Brigade. They moan a lot about having to do SO MUCH because no one will volunteer, but no one seems to want to tell them that no one wants to spend two hours on a Friday being ignored and listening to them disparage everyone not in their clique. If you didn't meet them at Kindergarten Playdate or your kid doesn't do a travel sport with theirs, forget it.

We'll try again in middle school, but, for now, I deal with the teacher, the room parents, and the administration for donations and volunteering.

So true. Its a club for the ugly girls that always wanted to be the pretty girls. And theyre taking their decades old resentment on everyone not part of the clique. You would.not.beleive. the mean, vile, horrible things I have heard 40 year old women spout off about other moms, and worse, their kids.

Thank you girlfriend. Ugly wannabes spouting vile shiiit about people they don't know. Bitter nasty hateful egomanics with a lot of time on their hands. This whole thread is so true and so sad. I need a drink.

Sounds like you’ve had enough already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our ES PTA was ridiculous. Super cliquey, exclusive, and competitive, but they would swear up and down that they were sweet and welcoming. I just wrote checks, volunteered directly with the teachers, and steered clear. I wasn’t up for a repeat of my own middle school years.

Same. My husband called them The Yoga Pants Brigade. They moan a lot about having to do SO MUCH because no one will volunteer, but no one seems to want to tell them that no one wants to spend two hours on a Friday being ignored and listening to them disparage everyone not in their clique. If you didn't meet them at Kindergarten Playdate or your kid doesn't do a travel sport with theirs, forget it.

We'll try again in middle school, but, for now, I deal with the teacher, the room parents, and the administration for donations and volunteering.

So true. Its a club for the ugly girls that always wanted to be the pretty girls. And theyre taking their decades old resentment on everyone not part of the clique. You would.not.beleive. the mean, vile, horrible things I have heard 40 year old women spout off about other moms, and worse, their kids.

Thank you girlfriend. Ugly wannabes spouting vile shiiit about people they don't know. Bitter nasty hateful egomanics with a lot of time on their hands. This whole thread is so true and so sad. I need a drink.

There's nothing more toxic and out of touch with reality than most PTAs. Why bother? They serve a small segment of the population, the same segment that benefits from the tax write-offs that their donations allow.

Anonymous wrote:We welcome anyone and everyone with a pulse who shows up and is willing to work not just pronounce and do nothing to implement.

+1000 We get a lot of suggestions “have a rummage sale!” “Wouldn’t big chalk drawings on the sidewalk would be nice?” I am always enthusiastic about these kids of suggestions but it’s disheartening to hear crickets when the follow up question is “would you take the lead on this?”

Anonymous wrote:

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

Well that was snide. Perhaps the same winning personality you’ve shown here is why people weren’t interested in chatting you up at the PTA meeting.

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

I'm the PP you're responding to. Although, at I was 43 at the time had had enough experience to know when I'm being shown I'm not welcome, I'll respond to your question. When I walked in to the library where the meeting was held, no one acknowledged me even though I made eye contact with several people. They look at me and then their glances 'slid' away. I went to a table where there were 4 people sitting and 3 empty seats. I sat at the table and waited for a pause in the conversation to say hello. When I did, they paused, looked at me, looked at each other and then said hello. They then moved their chairs a little further from me, bringing them closer to each other, made no further effort to speak with me and did not look in my direction the rest of the night. They also did not pass any of the handouts to me and I had to pointedly ask for one of the handouts and had to ask another table for another when they passed the papers to that table without giving me one.

At the next meeting, I sat at a different table with a different group. The behavior was very similar. So, yeah, I was ignored. I didn't bother raising my hand to speak. The next PTA president was radically different and the atmosphere far more encouraging and welcoming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you looking to get out of it? For most people, PTA isn’t a social thing (other than seeing friends who are also PTA), it’s work. Your PTA president probably does far more than you realize, and may be cold only because she has her next 17 PTA tasks on her mind. If you want to use the PTA as a means of meeting new people, join a committee for an activity you’re really interested in and start there.

This. OP, you're new and don't know the president and I'm guessing saw the president in the context of some school event or at a meeting. Like PP says--mind on the many things to be done. PTA is there to support students, teachers and administration, and if the vibe is warm and fuzzy that's a great plus, but it's only that, a plus. Not an essential to get things done.

I've also seen a very friendly PTA where nothing got done....

Please go ahead and volunteer to do whatever you consider most valuable to the school and don't worry about whether you're received with what you think is adequate warmth etc. You're doing it for the students and teachers, via PTA--not for the PTA itself.

DP. Actually, a cold, cliquey PTA is not conducive to getting things done. As you can read on this thread, people are put off when they don't appear to be welcome. You don't have to be all warm and fuzzy but being polite and greeting people goes a long way. One of the reason that PTA president may have so many tasks on her list is because she alienates the people who could make her job easier.

My kids are now in MS/HS. The first PTA meeting I added rough. I was completely ignored at the meeting - and this was a Title 1 school so it's not like it's a big 'social' PTA with more volunteers than work. I'm an extrovert, fluent in Spanish (the language of the majority at the school) and was willing to pull my weight. I had to think twice about going to the next PTA meeting. In the end, I volunteered for 1 committee because another friend needed assistance with it. It wasn't until 2 years later that we got a president that was inclusive. Things really took off after that it was far more effective and it wasn't the same people doing all the work.

As PPs have said, volunteer for those things that you're interested in and wait for new officers to come in.

In what context were you ignored? Did you try to talk to people and then walked away from you without acknowledging you? Did they refuse to call on you when you raised your hand with a question during the meeting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our ES PTA was ridiculous. Super cliquey, exclusive, and competitive, but they would swear up and down that they were sweet and welcoming. I just wrote checks, volunteered directly with the teachers, and steered clear. I wasn’t up for a repeat of my own middle school years.

Same. My husband called them The Yoga Pants Brigade. They moan a lot about having to do SO MUCH because no one will volunteer, but no one seems to want to tell them that no one wants to spend two hours on a Friday being ignored and listening to them disparage everyone not in their clique. If you didn't meet them at Kindergarten Playdate or your kid doesn't do a travel sport with theirs, forget it.

We'll try again in middle school, but, for now, I deal with the teacher, the room parents, and the administration for donations and volunteering.

So true. Its a club for the ugly girls that always wanted to be the pretty girls. And theyre taking their decades old resentment on everyone not part of the clique. You would.not.beleive. the mean, vile, horrible things I have heard 40 year old women spout off about other moms, and worse, their kids.

Anonymous wrote:Our ES PTA was ridiculous. Super cliquey, exclusive, and competitive, but they would swear up and down that they were sweet and welcoming. I just wrote checks, volunteered directly with the teachers, and steered clear. I wasn’t up for a repeat of my own middle school years.

Same. My husband called them The Yoga Pants Brigade. They moan a lot about having to do SO MUCH because no one will volunteer, but no one seems to want to tell them that no one wants to spend two hours on a Friday being ignored and listening to them disparage everyone not in their clique. If you didn't meet them at Kindergarten Playdate or your kid doesn't do a travel sport with theirs, forget it.

We'll try again in middle school, but, for now, I deal with the teacher, the room parents, and the administration for donations and volunteering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you looking to get out of it? For most people, PTA isn’t a social thing (other than seeing friends who are also PTA), it’s work. Your PTA president probably does far more than you realize, and may be cold only because she has her next 17 PTA tasks on her mind. If you want to use the PTA as a means of meeting new people, join a committee for an activity you’re really interested in and start there.

This. OP, you're new and don't know the president and I'm guessing saw the president in the context of some school event or at a meeting. Like PP says--mind on the many things to be done. PTA is there to support students, teachers and administration, and if the vibe is warm and fuzzy that's a great plus, but it's only that, a plus. Not an essential to get things done.

I've also seen a very friendly PTA where nothing got done....

Please go ahead and volunteer to do whatever you consider most valuable to the school and don't worry about whether you're received with what you think is adequate warmth etc. You're doing it for the students and teachers, via PTA--not for the PTA itself.

DP. Actually, a cold, cliquey PTA is not conducive to getting things done. As you can read on this thread, people are put off when they don't appear to be welcome. You don't have to be all warm and fuzzy but being polite and greeting people goes a long way. One of the reason that PTA president may have so many tasks on her list is because she alienates the people who could make her job easier.

My kids are now in MS/HS. The first PTA meeting I added rough. I was completely ignored at the meeting - and this was a Title 1 school so it's not like it's a big 'social' PTA with more volunteers than work. I'm an extrovert, fluent in Spanish (the language of the majority at the school) and was willing to pull my weight. I had to think twice about going to the next PTA meeting. In the end, I volunteered for 1 committee because another friend needed assistance with it. It wasn't until 2 years later that we got a president that was inclusive. Things really took off after that it was far more effective and it wasn't the same people doing all the work.

As PPs have said, volunteer for those things that you're interested in and wait for new officers to come in.

I have three kids spread across two different elementary schools. One school's PTA seems very nice, albeit a bit disorganized. They also use Boosterthon, which is really the only complaint I have. The other school has a very competent PTA board but very, very few families or parents turn out for meetings, which is frustrating. Getting volunteers for anything is really difficult-- there's probably 10-12 parents who handle all the extra events (I'm one of them). The events are fun and well-attended, though. Honestly, I think both schools would welcome anyone who showed up and volunteered to help with something.

Our PTA in Alexandria is fancies itself as a sorority.

Charter PTA in dc-- all I've seen is requests for money. There haven't been any events that I've been invited to (new PK3 family)