Anonymous wrote:The married APs I know could never admit to their wrong doing. The only time my stepmother ever addressed her cheating with my dad was how she felt: "I couldn't believe this was happening TO ME". Emphasis mine. She doesn't see it as what happened to my mom. Or to me. Or my sibling. Her affair with my dad that ended in the destruction of my family is still only about HER, to her.

Yes of course I blame my dad not just her, but she's the one who said this.

The irony is while they still claim to be madly in love, they ended up with a lot of problems. A LOT of problems. I can't say what but trust me, my mom whom he left ended up being the luckiest and happiest person out of the three of them.

Yes! My mom is like that too. Affairs "just happen in some families" according to her. No accountability, refuses to own her choice. It is maddening. She can't understand why anyone thinks any of it is her fault.

I wish she had picked someone better to have an affair with. He is such a loser but I think she stays with him to avoid having to think about whether she made the right choice.

The married APs I know could never admit to their wrong doing. The only time my stepmother ever addressed her cheating with my dad was how she felt: "I couldn't believe this was happening TO ME". Emphasis mine. She doesn't see it as what happened to my mom. Or to me. Or my sibling. Her affair with my dad that ended in the destruction of my family is still only about HER, to her.

Yes of course I blame my dad not just her, but she's the one who said this.

The irony is while they still claim to be madly in love, they ended up with a lot of problems. A LOT of problems. I can't say what but trust me, my mom whom he left ended up being the luckiest and happiest person out of the three of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The affair helped repair my vaginal atrophy and caused a lot less resentment is my marriage

It sounds funny sure but it's a legit medical condition diagnosed by my gyno who said use it or lose it!

And the cure is Vitamin D. And I've got your prescription right here...

A relative of mine was traveling for work and met another woman who was working for one of his clients (also married). He started "disappearing" on his trips - leaving for weeks at a time instead of just weekday travel, not checking in with his family for days (wife, two young children, ailing parents). He eventually came clean and left his wife for the other woman, she left her husband and they got married.

Honestly, much as I dislike the way it happened and think my relative is a crap human, he is much more compatible with wife #2 than he ever was with wife #1. They both like to be on the road and lead a carefree nomadic lifestyle focused on work and fun. And this is a "happy" outcome for wife #1 as well - my relative was/is a rather distant father who took a job with extensive travel because he found little kids uninteresting and tedious (his words). His ex wife's new husband is someone who wanted kids and couldn't have them, and he is hands on with the kids and present in a way their father never was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The affair helped repair my vaginal atrophy and caused a lot less resentment is my marriage

It sounds funny sure but it's a legit medical condition diagnosed by my gyno who said use it or lose it!

Anonymous wrote:The affair helped repair my vaginal atrophy and caused a lot less resentment is my marriage

The affair helped repair my vaginal atrophy and caused a lot less resentment is my marriage

How would you feel if you were the one being cheated on? If you are that unhappy with your spouse, be an adult and talk to him. Or leave.

So many cheating posts on this site. Are there really that many affairs going on out there?!?

I feel sorry for your spouses and children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's now my DH and we have two kids.

Until the kids find out.

Can you really trust each other, knowing what you know?

how would my kids find out? Yes, I trust him fully and he trusts me.

Did your prior spouses also trust you both? They were wrong. Why do you think you know better?

Anonymous wrote:I think there are TONS of marriages where a no-drive wife is unaware of her normal-drive husband's affair(s). And because of this sexual outlet, the marriage is sustainable which would otherwise end in divorce.

Personally I have several friends in this exact situation and I suspect the numbers would stagger you.

Is that really a positive story though, or just a minimally acceptable one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's now my DH and we have two kids.

Until the kids find out.

Can you really trust each other, knowing what you know?

how would my kids find out? Yes, I trust him fully and he trusts me.

Someone in your family might slip. There might be more people who know the truth than you realize. Or they might suspect and do the math. If you tell them much about your life pre-kids, they can figure it out.

I think there are TONS of marriages where a no-drive wife is unaware of her normal-drive husband's affair(s). And because of this sexual outlet, the marriage is sustainable which would otherwise end in divorce.

Personally I have several friends in this exact situation and I suspect the numbers would stagger you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's now my DH and we have two kids.

Until the kids find out.

Can you really trust each other, knowing what you know?

how would my kids find out? Yes, I trust him fully and he trusts me.

Never. Even when the APs develop a long and lasting relationship with one another, the collateral damage to everyone left behind (spouses, children, friends) continues to reverberate in consequential ways even decades later.