Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my three in under 4 years.

The early years were TOUGH.

But the youngest is now 6 and it is so awesome. We are an active family who loves to hike and ski and travel and it is nice that the youngest is old enough to keep up with our older two.

I'm imagining the awesomeness of getting to the stage your at! I'd love an active family that can all enjoy the same weekend things like hiking and skiing together. What does it take to juggle their needs at the ages you're at? Do you feel like one adult at a time can meet the needs during a week (home work help, activity carting, time for convo and fun) or does it really take 2 adults at a time to meet everyone's needs in the mornings and evening?

It’s mostly fine. The main thing is juggling their schedules - they’re each in two activities a season and out at least 3 nights a week but I SAH and my DH has a flexible schedule. So for example today I dropped one off at tennis after school, DH will pick him up on his way home from work, then I took the other two with me to my daughter’s ice skating lesson. We’ll have dinner together at 6:30 then start on hw.

It kind of sucks when my DH is OOT forwork but fortunately he doesn’t have to travel that much and we have local family who are happy to help out. If DH we’re away tonight, my MIL would pick DS up from tennis while I am at ice skating.

It would be hard if he traveled more.

Anonymous wrote:I would wait till #2 is here before devoting any time to thinking about this. You'll have a better sense one you know more about what #2 is like and how you feel about having more than one kid.

This. You might not have any energy at all to consider this so just wait.

^^sorry, should be particularly when they're young (managing three kids on your own is brutal). That part at least has improved! But god, the talking. So. Much. Talking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Mind you, I truly do love having three! Absolutely love it and I am grateful every day. But as I said, a huge part of our decision to have three and the reason I enjoy it is that we were lucky to have the chance to choose flexible positions that still pay reasonably well. We're not DCUM wealthy, but we're comfortable, and happy with what we have.

Do you think if they were spaced out more it'd be harder or easier long run? I of course could wait for longer to go for a 3rd, just based on previous experience I feel like it may take years so would want to get moving, but if we get moving I need to actually be prepared for the chance it happens quickly?

Is it the 3rd that makes it substantially more challenging or do you feel like 2 would be as close to as difficult on your own for that time of day?

I think spacing issues come out in the wash in terms of difficulty. Some things are easier with longer spacing (older kid is more self-sufficient, less overlap in college tuition if that's an issue), but some things are harder (less likely to play together, younger kids get schlepped around to olders' activities). It's more about trade-offs.

And, yes, the third makes it substantially more challenging for solo parenting. Don't get me wrong, two isn't easy, but compared to three, it's a freaking piece of cake. That was probably the toughest adjustment to having three. DH and I can easily handle them when we're together, but managing three kids solo is brutal, particularly not when they're young. I mostly have a good system down now, but the youngest is three and it still is management more than fun.

Anonymous wrote:Op, aren’t you tired if you just gave birth?

If your kids are 21m apart and it sounds like you want third to be 18m after second.

That really sounds hellish to me. I would only do that if you plan to stay home AND have a full time nanny.

Most parents I know have a 2 year gap between kids and when kids are 1 and 3, it is challenging. Can’t imagine having a newborn too. God that sounds awful.

Just to clarify - my first took 5 years, a couple losses, and fertility treatments to have. We have a Dx that makes natural conception odds low at least statistically though it has happened twice (one of the losses and #2). My second happened 3mo after my period came back on - so clearly we can get pregnant on our own even if it's a very long shot.

For a 3rd we would likely be on a long journey that requires certain stops along the way like trying for 6 months with no success and then moving on to IUI for 3 rounds before insurance will cover IVF which can easily be a multi year process. So if I wait until #2 is 2+ its very possible we won't actually have #3 for several more years if at all. I'm not specifically trying for a very short gap - more if we want a third given my age and our challenges we will need to get moving sooner rather than later on what is likely a very looooong process, but given our experience with #2 I want to make sure I'm prepared for and able to handle the slim possibility it could happen quickly.

I have a 2 and a 4 year old at home. I routinely think how glad I am that we do not have another one. Life is hectic! I look at my 2 year old and think how he's the same age #1 was when I had him. He's SO LITTLE. What was I thinking?! No wonder she was so mad (seriously had a rough adjustment).

I will say, it's much better now that it was a year ago. I am so so happy I have two. I think I'll love their age gap the older they get.

I used to want three. Not anymore because I am just so happy with the two I have.

Girl, I may be an outlier here but I feel like if you're 30 something weeks pregnant with number two and STILL looking forward to the possibility of number three then you are mentally and personality wise prepared maybe than other posters to have a larger family or handle chaos better.

I have three ages 6, 3, and 2. Pregnant with my fourth atm. Life is good and we expect it to get even better! Its not for everyone though. My DH and I are pretty laid back and family focused.

Op, aren’t you tired if you just gave birth?

If your kids are 21m apart and it sounds like you want third to be 18m after second.

That really sounds hellish to me. I would only do that if you plan to stay home AND have a full time nanny.

Most parents I know have a 2 year gap between kids and when kids are 1 and 3, it is challenging. Can’t imagine having a newborn too. God that sounds awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 under 2 kicked my ass. Why don’t you wait until the second is born?

I was so exhausted and our marriage took a huge hit when second was born. We ended up having a third 5 years later.

2nd is already here and if we want the shot for a 3rd we will likely need to get moving on it before life is running smoothly again (wean around 6mo so period returns around 8/9mo or so and then start "trying"). So we still have some time to see what life with 2 is like but I think life will still be in the suck phase at 9mo and I likely don't have the time to wait until #2 is 2-3 yo to see what that's like and decide to start trying for a 3rd then.

Why won’t you have time to wait? A few months won’t make difference.

I personally would just wait until you wean at 8-9 months, maybe a year like most moms. Don’t use birth control. Plenty of moms get pregnant while nursing. That’s a myth that you can’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. My friend just never got her period and didn’t even know she was pregnant.

See how two are first. It's very hard on the first child when mom has a baby. Don't rush nursing and all that. Get to know your second child. I'd think by a year, you'll know whether or not you are ready for #3. 3 in 4 years will be a lot for your body, and two kids is way more work than 1.

Anonymous wrote:2 under 2 kicked my ass. Why don’t you wait until the second is born?

I was so exhausted and our marriage took a huge hit when second was born. We ended up having a third 5 years later.

2nd is already here and if we want the shot for a 3rd we will likely need to get moving on it before life is running smoothly again (wean around 6mo so period returns around 8/9mo or so and then start "trying"). So we still have some time to see what life with 2 is like but I think life will still be in the suck phase at 9mo and I likely don't have the time to wait until #2 is 2-3 yo to see what that's like and decide to start trying for a 3rd then.

Anonymous wrote:We have two children (4.5 and 2) and a third one is in the plans. But we are holding it off until #2 is a bit older because we're really afraid of the middle one being left out in that receiving the least attention when still a baby.

Yeah I worry about that too - it seems so tough to not have the middle child feel lost in the shuffle no matter the spacing

Anonymous wrote:^^Mind you, I truly do love having three! Absolutely love it and I am grateful every day. But as I said, a huge part of our decision to have three and the reason I enjoy it is that we were lucky to have the chance to choose flexible positions that still pay reasonably well. We're not DCUM wealthy, but we're comfortable, and happy with what we have.

Do you think if they were spaced out more it'd be harder or easier long run? I of course could wait for longer to go for a 3rd, just based on previous experience I feel like it may take years so would want to get moving, but if we get moving I need to actually be prepared for the chance it happens quickly?

Is it the 3rd that makes it substantially more challenging or do you feel like 2 would be as close to as difficult on your own for that time of day?

2 under 2 kicked my ass. Why don’t you wait until the second is born?

I was so exhausted and our marriage took a huge hit when second was born. We ended up having a third 5 years later.

We have two children (4.5 and 2) and a third one is in the plans. But we are holding it off until #2 is a bit older because we're really afraid of the middle one being left out in that receiving the least attention when still a baby.