Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did all of you women ever love your husbands? What happened?

It's called settling.

I know that, but why?

Grew apart, affair?

Anonymous wrote:Did all of you women ever love your husbands? What happened?

It's called settling.

Did all of you women ever love your husbands? What happened?

Anonymous wrote:I wish. I wish I had my own room. I wish I could live away from him but not our child. I wish he and his bad moods and silent treatment and racism and misogyny and constant rage over nothing would just disappear. One of us will have a coronary soon and maybe the other one will be happy. I root for me to survive so that I can be the one to raise our child.

No guest room to send him to?

Lived like that for a while, then separated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish. I wish I had my own room. I wish I could live away from him but not our child. I wish he and his bad moods and silent treatment and racism and misogyny and constant rage over nothing would just disappear. One of us will have a coronary soon and maybe the other one will be happy. I root for me to survive so that I can be the one to raise our child.

and why don't you divorce? Sounds terrible

It really is. I appreciate the sympathy, if that’s what it is. Our child is 5. He is an involved dad and would want 50%. He’s also extreme my vindictive when he feels like someone is the enemy. Like, he’d burn down his entire retirement before he’d let me “win” in anything contested in a divorce. I don’t want to leave our kid alone with him for 50% custody, since his moods are so awful. I don’t believe he would be violent with the child but his rages and silent treatments are so corrosive and scary, and right now I can at least leave for the day or take my child to another room and give him love and attention when the mood turns bad. I had a raging bipolar parent and I remember how terrifying it was to be alone with her. I’ll never forgive myself for choosing a spouse so poorly and putting my child in harm’s way like this. But I don’t know of anything I can do but stay as the least worst option.

Like the PP above, I dream of his death. I would never hurt him, but I would not be sad for myself at all. I actually still love him in a way; I’m sorry he is so so angry with everything; I wish he could be happy and wouldn’t stand in his way if leaving would make him less toxic. It would be a HUGE relief to be free from all of this anger and volatility. I know our child would be sad if he died or left. But he would also be emotionally healthier as an adult if he had a dad who died young rather than a volatile, racist, raging asshole in his life every day. But I don’t feel like I can leave and leave our child alone with him half the time.

Sorry to derail this whole thread.

Anonymous wrote:I wish. I wish I had my own room. I wish I could live away from him but not our child. I wish he and his bad moods and silent treatment and racism and misogyny and constant rage over nothing would just disappear. One of us will have a coronary soon and maybe the other one will be happy. I root for me to survive so that I can be the one to raise our child.

and why don't you divorce? Sounds terrible

Anonymous wrote:I wish. I wish I had my own room. I wish I could live away from him but not our child. I wish he and his bad moods and silent treatment and racism and misogyny and constant rage over nothing would just disappear. One of us will have a coronary soon and maybe the other one will be happy. I root for me to survive so that I can be the one to raise our child.

how old is your child?

how much more time do you have?

Anonymous wrote:Living separate in same house for over a year, after a strained draining 15 years of marriage. separate living quarters, food and finances. We can tolerate and actually like and care for each other but very incompatible and conflict prone in these day to day aspects of life.

Coparenting is great in same house, we have set times with the kids-which we do anyways due to work schedules. We provide emotional support to each other and have sex once or twice a week. Do shared weekend activities and vacations.
Lots of personal freedom, space and time which is amazing!!

all of that plus sex 1-2/week, yeah, that's called being married

We have separate bedrooms and TV rooms. Occasional sex -- maybe 1x/month. We don't kiss hello or goodbye or goodnight. We each cook and will offer the other one food, but we don't make family dinners or eat together at a table.

We tolerate each other -- get along in the surface usually, but I don't like or appreciate him or love him (and I assume it's mutual). I literally daydream about him dying. I mean, I would never do anything to hasten his death, of course. But if he's out of touch for a bit or he sleeps in one day, I honestly imagine what it would be like if he died. I'm positive I would be 100% fine and wouldn't miss him, though of course I would feel badly for our children.

The problem? I'm the only breadwinner. I'm leaving soon but I honestly don't know how that's going to work.

I wish. I wish I had my own room. I wish I could live away from him but not our child. I wish he and his bad moods and silent treatment and racism and misogyny and constant rage over nothing would just disappear. One of us will have a coronary soon and maybe the other one will be happy. I root for me to survive so that I can be the one to raise our child.

We live not only separate lives, but in separate countries. We've been married for more than 20 years, and still love each other, but not as crazy about each other as we were in our 20s. Due to the work, we live in a different countries now. We see each other for a few weeks (mostly because one of the kids still live at home). We get together with all kids. We have a great sex when we see each other, but then live our separate lives. I am sure if one of us meet someone special, then he/she will initiate a divorce. But it didn't happen, and, honestly, I don't see it happening. We might move in together once we retired, or may live in a separate states (we both have different preferences as to where to retire). But so far, so good.

My parents have been married 49 years.

They take separate vacations (my mom visits her kids, my dad golfs with friends) and similarly spend large amounts of time apart. They also often sleep in different rooms (dad snores). My mom likes to live in the house I grew up in and my dad prefers being in their retirement community in the south. They fly back and forth.

I’m not sure how much of the year they are together - I would guess 20 or 25 weeks. When they’re in the same place they do their own thing by day, but do enjoy hosting parties, going to movies etc.

Anonymous wrote:Living separate in same house for over a year, after a strained draining 15 years of marriage. separate living quarters, food and finances. We can tolerate and actually like and care for each other but very incompatible and conflict prone in these day to day aspects of life.

Coparenting is great in same house, we have set times with the kids-which we do anyways due to work schedules. We provide emotional support to each other and have sex once or twice a week. Do shared weekend activities and vacations.
Lots of personal freedom, space and time which is amazing!!

Sex once or twice a week?