Anonymous wrote:Must have genes for extraversiom and reasonably good looks. Start group childcare early to develop strong social skills. Make sure they have the coolest clothes and things to draw the attention of other children.

I was a total loser as a kid, and the type you worried would blow up the school because of how much I was bullied. My daughter has been popular since kindergarten (now 16). She IS extroverted and MUCH better looking than I am. But she had never been to school until kindergarten, and we are poor and she never had the coolest clothes. Everything was strictly the sale racks of Old Navy and Children's Place with one or two clearance items from Gap.

I think she's popular partially because she's easy on the eyes, but moreso because she's friendly and funny and smart and outgoing.

inwould much rather my child be well liked, kind, empathetic, helpful, than “popular”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, troll, but for the most part, this can't be engineered.

It comes out pretty early on (like in daycare) which kids are the popular social ringleader types, usually without parent intervention.

From what I can tell, the parents are very social, like to drink and usually have money. They also get the kids involved in lax early.

I was waiting for someone to mention lax.

I’m not sure that’s what I want for my kids. Times have changed but in my day the popular kids did not necessarily become the most successful adults.

I’m not sure if smarter kids are cooler now than they were in my day

Being popular yourself usually works. (not always)

Studies show that the popular kids are the most mature, do things first. You should probably double red-shirt your child, so that for example, they turn seven in kindergarten. That way the younger children will look up to them. they will also be the best at sports as they are bigger than average.

Anonymous wrote:It shows up early. These are the kids who absolutely thrive in group childcare situations early on, from what I've seen.

Not always. My DC refused to be in group care and we are talking just am preschool and had separation anxiety until almost 4yo. But is now in elementary and very social and well liked by peers.

I have 4 kids. The oldest two are popular and I attribute it to their outgoing and personable personalities. Both have never met a stranger, which was terrifying when they were younger. They'll strike up a conversation with anyone and are really good about reading the cues on who wants to keep chatting and who would rather be ignored. They did not get those traits from me! I'm an introvert and if someone chats with me, for example, in line at the grocery store, I can never tell if I should keep chatting or if it was a onetime comment and response. I'm an awkward disaster. I was never popular.

The third kid could be popular but doesn't like people. He has no issues with public speaking nor any awkwardness when chatting with strangers, he's just not going to be the first person to initiate a conversation. He has a solid group of friends but it's not like with the older ones where there's always new and different kids coming over. I know his 6 friends and those are pretty much the only ones who ever come over.

The fourth kid is 11 and it's hard to tell with her. She's outgoing and has lots of friends, but she doesn't care about the coolest clothes or what's necessarily popular at the moment. She likes what she likes and isn't embarrassed by anything she likes, if that makes sense. It could go either way with her next year when she's in 6th grade. I find that's really when it becomes clear on who they are going to be... popular, nerdy, etc. It's easy to be popular in elementary school... you just have to have the house with cool gadgets/toys, current gaming system, an easy WiFi password, and good snacks. Also, if you throw an epic birthday party, you're pretty much locked in as popular.

I think it's all personality based. The key seems to be being outgoing. Second would be caring about the latest trends. And thirdly, actually liking people would help.

Well OP there are three options.

1) Create a high pressure situation where your kid feels the need to be popular to please you so will go to great lengths to conform themselves into the mold of popular and will be somewhat ruthless to get there. Live vicariously through them and make sure they know your happiness depends on them. This is the "Regina George" method of popular child building. This will for sure eff up your kid and has the potential of swinging the totally opposite way though and getting a Janet because they are rebelling against your expectations.

2) Accept that your kid will or will not be extroverted and therefore will or will not be popular. Support their interests, be compassionate about their problems and be a person they trust and can depend on regardless of their social status. Help them pursue the life they want. If that includes being popular you can get them good skincare/clothes/whatever but make sure they appreciate themselves. Essentially, be someone who loves them no matter what, so being popular is less important. And teach them young how to make good and true friends for the same reason.

3) The hybrid method. You can not try to direct them but help them get somewhat of an edge by I dunno, paying for a bunch of friends to go to concerts or sporting events all the time, bring a group of kids on an annual ski trip and therefore ensure your kid is a 'desireable' friend to have because they come with perks. Make sure they have super awesome clothes and go on super awesome vacations and help them take super awesome instagram photos. Don't take this too far and be the parent that lets keggers happen in their basement though, because that effs kids up.

Boys or girls?

Boys - be good looking enough, good at sports, friendly but not annoyingly so, wear cool clothes

Girls is much trickier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s good popular (naturally liked by many for the right reasons) and there’s not so good popular. Social engineering by parents results in not so good popular.

+1

The good-popular kids are those who are friendly, outgoing, and nice to everyone--those are the kids that everyone likes. Some of that is just personality, but you can help your kid develop good manners and social skills, encourage friendships, etc. The bad-popular kids are those whose standing is based on exclusion and manipulation, and parents can feed that, too.

as adults and parents, this is the way we see these kids but now my kid is older, in high school, and I can look back and say we as parents had blinders on.

The popular kids were good at being nice to adults and nice to most kids but they were also good at being a little bit snarky and sometimes exclusive. That's what helped them gain popularity. Exclusivity is an important element for kids socially. It's developmentally appropriate at certain stages as well. The trick is that kids have to learn to not get too vested and to be able to move beyond it.

Anonymous wrote:Why are people ATTACKING the op? It’s an interesting question. I read an article on it once. I think popular kids have a knack for social manipulation or something like that.

They have a knack for it, they are in situations where they can practice it (group childcare from an early age), and they have parents who pass on the genetics for it and normalize social manipulation (parents are often in very "social" jobs like sales).

Anonymous wrote:There’s good popular (naturally liked by many for the right reasons) and there’s not so good popular. Social engineering by parents results in not so good popular.

+1

The good-popular kids are those who are friendly, outgoing, and nice to everyone--those are the kids that everyone likes. Some of that is just personality, but you can help your kid develop good manners and social skills, encourage friendships, etc. The bad-popular kids are those whose standing is based on exclusion and manipulation, and parents can feed that, too.

It shows up early. These are the kids who absolutely thrive in group childcare situations early on, from what I've seen.

People seem to be responding with recipes for a pretty shallow level of popular. Is that what you’re looking for, OP? Mean Girls style popularity?