Anonymous
Post 02/07/2019 00:05     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:Step 1, stop using words like bangability.


Why? It's such a great word.

OP - he's a hypocrite. He thinks all those things (bangability, etc) but acts like he doesn't. It's a front and he locks himself in the bathroom and masturbates to the most depraved porn imaginable.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:57     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
I found mine when I was in college, in Boston.

And if I may be so bold as to say this, be a high-quality human yourself. Then your kind will find you.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:46     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
No mean to brag but this is my husband. I met him when he was 23 and I was 24. He is a fundamentally good decent man who always does the right thing.

I was lucky in that I was attracted to him at 24. He was kind and decent then too. It’s what attracted me to him.

Fwiw he is not perfect. He can be rather immature and stubborn at times.

Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:30     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
That’s tough. These types of guys are usually locked down by their mid-20s. They are traditional, marriage- and family-minded, and tend to marry relatively young. So, what I would say is actually look at younger men. I have a friend about your age divorced with a 5 year old, and her great guy is a fitness instructor at the gym she goes to. He’s also 8 years younger than her. But they have a great relationship. He’s never been married.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:27     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is married to what I consider to be a super upstanding, quality man. I want someone like that. He has values. He values his marriage, his wife, his family. He's generous. He's kind. He's thoughtful. I'm crushing on how "solid" he is, it's embarrassing. Most men I meet lack this set of values. They're more obsessed with the looks of a woman, bangability, money, career etc. This guy genuinely values authenticity, decency, he cares for his family, he cares for hers. It's not an act. How do I go about finding a good quality man, short of living through each one and seeing their character unfold? I'm assuming if I write "looking for a decent human" on my online profile, it won't cut it.

*I know he's not perfect, but these are the things I want in a partner. How do I go about finding them? And I asked her, and she said she got lucky. I also don't want to be weird or give her any reason to not trust me with him. So I cannot really keep asking her questions.


I met DH in church, on a Sunday morning. He looked at me with eyes aglow as the choir sang hallelujah. I met him in church, we fell in love on a Sunday morning. Then all at once I heard angels singing.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:21     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
maybe your friends husband is your sole mate. You've already found the ideal guy just close the deal.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:21     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is married to what I consider to be a super upstanding, quality man. I want someone like that. He has values. He values his marriage, his wife, his family. He's generous. He's kind. He's thoughtful. I'm crushing on how "solid" he is, it's embarrassing. Most men I meet lack this set of values. They're more obsessed with the looks of a woman, bangability, money, career etc. This guy genuinely values authenticity, decency, he cares for his family, he cares for hers. It's not an act. How do I go about finding a good quality man, short of living through each one and seeing their character unfold? I'm assuming if I write "looking for a decent human" on my online profile, it won't cut it.

*I know he's not perfect, but these are the things I want in a partner. How do I go about finding them? And I asked her, and she said she got lucky. I also don't want to be weird or give her any reason to not trust me with him. So I cannot really keep asking her questions.

In addition to being a nice person:

Does he pick up after himself and his kids?

Does he teach and raise and discipline his kids, proactively?

Does he lead his house, man of the house?

Does he see an issue, take the time to fix it, and fix it correctly?

Does he get things done, proactively?
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:13     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Thanks, all. For those PPs who asked, they met during work, he is in law enforcement. She is pretty but not gorgeous. Average looks wise. Very kind person. We have the same intellectual curiosities and mindset. I think the thing that is most special about her is how serene she is.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 20:13     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you? I feel like there are a lot of men like this out there. However, most are probably married if you are above the age of first marriage. If so, I'd look for widowers. Divorced guys often have a lot of baggage.


I'm in my early thirties. Divorced, and agree that divorced guys have baggage. Besides, due to my own divorce, I'd never be able to fully trust a divorced guy. My ex was abusive and awful and still is but would come across as an angel. Ruined my ability to trust in my own judgement.


+1



+1. Guy. Reframe the issue. Someone who has been divorced might be able to be more realistic about being a good partner.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:23     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:Because you describe your ex as abusive, read the book Why’ve does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Abusive and Angry Men by Lundy Bancroft.

I read this book and it taught me what to look for as signs of abusive behavior. It took years, but I’m now in a relationship with the kind of man you describe. He’s thoughtful, generous, kind, loving, and he loves my son and there are zero signs of abuse.


Also, I bet I could spot your ex’s abuse a mile away after what I went through. If you read the book above you’ll see it too, and you’ll know how to avoid it in the future - by taking things slow and watching carefully for red flags. They exist, you just have to be willing to act when you see them.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:20     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
Because you describe your ex as abusive, read the book Why’ve does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Abusive and Angry Men by Lundy Bancroft.

I read this book and it taught me what to look for as signs of abusive behavior. It took years, but I’m now in a relationship with the kind of man you describe. He’s thoughtful, generous, kind, loving, and he loves my son and there are zero signs of abuse.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:09     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
OP’s friend’s husband, her ideal man, actually does care a great deal about his wife’s looks and behavior in bed. He’s a guy.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:09     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you? I feel like there are a lot of men like this out there. However, most are probably married if you are above the age of first marriage. If so, I'd look for widowers. Divorced guys often have a lot of baggage.


I'm in my early thirties. Divorced, and agree that divorced guys have baggage. Besides, due to my own divorce, I'd never be able to fully trust a divorced guy. My ex was abusive and awful and still is but would come across as an angel. Ruined my ability to trust in my own judgement.


+1

Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:07     Subject: Where to meet this type of man?
How did your friend meet her husband?
Does he have any brothers or single male friends?
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2019 18:05     Subject: Re:Where to meet this type of man?
In the midwest