I can’t tell if you are an Uber obnoxious holier than thou Catholic or a nasty anti Catholic. For me, I don’t assume anything about people who don’t take communion because I’m not really watching. I’m spending that time singing I’d thers music, or you know, actually praying and worrying about my own soul rather than judging others. But you do you, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

2. When regular parishioners do not go to communion, everyone knows it means they have sinned and not gone to confession to have their sins absolved.

I guess all the nuns in my parish have committed mortal sins then!

Except on Christmas and Easter, when you can go to communion during the vigil and during the day, Catholics can only go to communion once a day.Believe it or not, many Catholics in my parish go to church more than once on Sunday, for a variety of reasons. Examples: Some churches have the same choir sing at multiple masses.People who go to the "family mass," often helping with the kids, playing guitar, leading songs, etc., who also go to an evening mass because they want to hear an adult homily. One of the ushers in my parish feels that he can't really "focus" on mass with all the things he has to do, so he goes to a second mass at which he doesn't usher. In some parishes, there are too few volunteers, so one person might agree to usher, lector, or otherwise help at two masses.

Some people are gluten intolerant. These people usually take communion in the form of wine. They either go to a parish where this is always an option or make special arrangments. If they are traveling and attend a different parish, they won't take communion if there's not a wine option.


Nobody assumes anything if you don't take communion.

You just refuted your own point. People assume all sorts of things if you don't go to communion. In addition to sin and lack of absolution, there is gluten intolerance, attending more than one mass, etc. The main reason for going to communication is to have your soul cleansed. Only a small % of people have gluten intolerance or attend more than one service, so it's obvious that some of the people who don't go have unconfessed sins.

They might be big sins like marital infidelity or smaller sins, like missing mass. But they are sins that people know disqualify them from the sacraments until they go to confession. Why deny it?

2. When regular parishioners do not go to communion, everyone knows it means they have sinned and not gone to confession to have their sins absolved.

I guess all the nuns in my parish have committed mortal sins then!

Except on Christmas and Easter, when you can go to communion during the vigil and during the day, Catholics can only go to communion once a day.Believe it or not, many Catholics in my parish go to church more than once on Sunday, for a variety of reasons. Examples: Some churches have the same choir sing at multiple masses.People who go to the "family mass," often helping with the kids, playing guitar, leading songs, etc., who also go to an evening mass because they want to hear an adult homily. One of the ushers in my parish feels that he can't really "focus" on mass with all the things he has to do, so he goes to a second mass at which he doesn't usher. In some parishes, there are too few volunteers, so one person might agree to usher, lector, or otherwise help at two masses.

Some people are gluten intolerant. These people usually take communion in the form of wine. They either go to a parish where this is always an option or make special arrangments. If they are traveling and attend a different parish, they won't take communion if there's not a wine option.


Nobody assumes anything if you don't take communion.

As others have observed, probably the most common way people “become” Catholic is to be born into a Catholic family and raised as a Catholic. Even so, there comes a time in every adult Catholic’s life when they must move from milk to solid food and choose the Faith for themselves.

As others also have observed, another common way people come into the church is by marrying a Catholic and deciding to join.

A third way people come into the Church is by being drawn there by the faith and example of someone else, such as a friend, neighbor or classmate. Others are drawn by literature.

The doors to the Church are open. Visitors are welcome. If the Mass seems a bit confusing there are likely to be booklets in the pews, and there is a plethora of information online as well.

Come and see!

Well my most devote Catholic friend has 6 kids, so that's one way.

Anonymous wrote:None of these things are relevant to OP attending Mass. any given person there but not receiving communion has their own reasons. They aren’t tattooed on their forehead. And again, most people aren’t watching anyway.

But they are all accurate and give a fuller picture of Catholicism and the experience of attending mass.

And how do you know most people aren't watching? During communion, there is nothing much to do besides watch who goes to communion and who stays in their seats, with others climbing over them, as the usher comes by each row to invite communicants up to the altar.

Technically you join up if you get baptized. Call the church and ask if they have CCD for adults.

None of these things are relevant to OP attending Mass. any given person there but not receiving communion has their own reasons. They aren’t tattooed on their forehead. And again, most people aren’t watching anyway.

Anonymous wrote:OP, by all means reach out to a neighbor or just go to a Mass! Perhaps even post here what the nearest Catholic parishes to you are and someone might advise you if one has a friendlier vibe or has a particular Mass that they love. I'm a lifelong Catholic whose spouse converted after our kids were born. We had agreed to raise them Catholic, and DH was attending Mass anyway, so he enrolled in RCIA to learn more and decided to formally convert.

The communion thing isn't an un-friendly concept, it's a basic tenet of faith and the beliefs surrounding it are different than in Protestant churches. DCUM likes to make that into a big fight, though. There are lots of people every week who simply stay in the pew, and no one questions it at all. You wouldn't be the only person. After the priest's sermon (called a homily), they will pass around baskets for offerings (i.e. cash). No obligation to give, although if it makes you feel better put in $5. Many parishes have gone to e-giving so we never put anything in the basket. No one knows if we donate online or just choose not to donate, and there's no pressure or awkwardness. After the Lord's Prayer there is a time when people shake hands with those around them and typically say "Peace be with you" or some other greeting. Smile and shake hands.

Stand when people stand, sit when they sit. It's again fine to sit when others kneel. Most churches have missals in the pews that allow you to follow along with the Mass, the prayers, the readings for the week. One of the amazing things about the Church when I consider it is that the Mass is the Mass regardless of where you are. I've celebrated Mass in foreign nations not knowing the language, but knowing what was happening because it's exactly what was happening that same day in my own church in the U.S.

Catholic churches, probably like others, vary in terms of their composition whether they skew towards older folks or a more family-friendly environment. Some are far more conservative and the priests focus on hot-button political items like abortion or gay marriage. Others are more moderate or liberal, focusing on social justice and/or the actual messages in the Gospel. At our large parish in Virginia each Mass is a bit different, from the sunrise no-music service to the organ and choir option to the Mass with a guitar and folk choir. You'd likely walk away with a very different impression depending on which time you chose.

Because there is a shortage of priests, parishes tend to be quite large (our's has over 1,000 families), so it's not like all the parishoners even know or recognize each other, so do not take offense if you aren't pegged as a newcomer.

1. it is a mortal sin for a Catholic parent not to raise their kids Catholic.
2. When regular parishioners do not go to communion, everyone knows it means they have sinned and not gone to confession to have their sins absolved.
3. Very few Catholic men want to be priests anymore because of forced celibacy and the bad rep the church has gotten for protecting pedophile priests.

Thanks for the long reply! I think I'll ask my neighbor about going sometime. It sounds like they won't mind at all if I say I attend a different denomination but am interested to see their church

OP, by all means reach out to a neighbor or just go to a Mass! Perhaps even post here what the nearest Catholic parishes to you are and someone might advise you if one has a friendlier vibe or has a particular Mass that they love. I'm a lifelong Catholic whose spouse converted after our kids were born. We had agreed to raise them Catholic, and DH was attending Mass anyway, so he enrolled in RCIA to learn more and decided to formally convert.

The communion thing isn't an un-friendly concept, it's a basic tenet of faith and the beliefs surrounding it are different than in Protestant churches. DCUM likes to make that into a big fight, though. There are lots of people every week who simply stay in the pew, and no one questions it at all. You wouldn't be the only person. After the priest's sermon (called a homily), they will pass around baskets for offerings (i.e. cash). No obligation to give, although if it makes you feel better put in $5. Many parishes have gone to e-giving so we never put anything in the basket. No one knows if we donate online or just choose not to donate, and there's no pressure or awkwardness. After the Lord's Prayer there is a time when people shake hands with those around them and typically say "Peace be with you" or some other greeting. Smile and shake hands.

Stand when people stand, sit when they sit. It's again fine to sit when others kneel. Most churches have missals in the pews that allow you to follow along with the Mass, the prayers, the readings for the week. One of the amazing things about the Church when I consider it is that the Mass is the Mass regardless of where you are. I've celebrated Mass in foreign nations not knowing the language, but knowing what was happening because it's exactly what was happening that same day in my own church in the U.S.

Catholic churches, probably like others, vary in terms of their composition whether they skew towards older folks or a more family-friendly environment. Some are far more conservative and the priests focus on hot-button political items like abortion or gay marriage. Others are more moderate or liberal, focusing on social justice and/or the actual messages in the Gospel. At our large parish in Virginia each Mass is a bit different, from the sunrise no-music service to the organ and choir option to the Mass with a guitar and folk choir. You'd likely walk away with a very different impression depending on which time you chose.

Because there is a shortage of priests, parishes tend to be quite large (our's has over 1,000 families), so it's not like all the parishoners even know or recognize each other, so do not take offense if you aren't pegged as a newcomer.

I would LOVE to have one of my neighbors ask to join me at Mass! I’m somewhat active in my church and would be happy to have someone interested in seeing the building, attending an event, and casually meeting my priest. (My pastor would be so friendly and not pry at all if I said “This is my friend Winnie who is visiting with me today.”) By all means tell you neighbor that you’ve heard so much about St. X’s that you’d like to visit sometime.

As someone who has lived both in Los Angeles and NoVA, I just want to say that the *feel* of a service can vary widely both from one church to another and also geographically.

The Archdiocese of Arlington (which is pretty big, not just Arlington) is the most conservative Archdiocese in the US, I believe. There are churches that don't allow alter servers to be girls, for example.

When I moved to NoVA and heard that, my mouth hung open because that was changed in my area of CA maybe 30 years ago and I didn't know it was still a "thing."

Some churches are warm and fuzzier than others. Some get politically preachy (hot topics are immigration(pro), health care(pro) abortion(against), elderly issues (protect them), and end of life issues. Some don't get into that at all.

Some churches have longer masses (1 hour +) and some are shorter, maybe 45-50 min. Usually there is a designated time for a Children's Mass (9:30am where I go) and I like this mass better because it's shorter and our priest makes everything pretty simple for the kids. And I like the music better there, too...guitars vs. organ music.

If your friends have a great priest, OP...a great priest makes all the difference. Much of the mass is ritual, so the priest's homily (talk) after the gospel is where most people get "the message" of the mass, and the priest's style can make it interesting or not to you.

Anonymous wrote:I read an old thread about how only certain Catholics are allowed to take communion and it made a Catholic service sound kind of uncomfortable for a visitor
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/476684.page

I was thinking of visiting a local Catholic church but this has me reconsidering it a bit. I don't want to end up embarrassed because of my ignorance of what to do. I guess I can just take a seat and never leave it and that's fine?

Between the scandals and the seemingly non-visitor friendly approach, I wonder how the church gains new members.

That being said, I'm impressed by the 'stickiness' of the faith with the Catholic schools, knights of Columbus etc. It definitely feels like a club that people wouldn't leave so easily once they join.

Most people "join" as infants during baptism and you can't officially leave. You are on the rolls at the Vatican forever. When you see the numbers - it's not just the hispanics and africans that cause the increase -- it's all the lapsed Catholics.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP. I've recently started going to a different Christian Church but a handful of neighbors are Catholic and go to the same church, so I was interested to see what the service is like

I am certain that if you mention to any of those neighbors that you're interested in going to mass one weekend, that they'd be happy to have you sit with them and they can talk you through anything that might be confusing.
That said, you are absolutely free to just go to any mass and check it out! Other than not receiving communion, just go with the flow. there will be a book in the pews that you can follow along if you'd like, but no need if you don't want to.
And I agree with a PP who said sit towards the front so you can see better, but behind a few rows so you can follow the sit/stand more easily.
Unlike some Christian churches, most Catholic parishoners won't really notice or care that you're there. That's both a good things and a bad thing, of course, but you don't need to worry about anyone asking why you aren't kneeling or why you didn't receive communion or anything - no one will notice or care..