Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy for you. You are not here to make him happy. If he won't get help that is on him.

Agree. My DH pulled the same thing. Wouldn't talk to me and I let his attitude drag me down for a while. Then I decided to be happy. I was not there to make him happy. That was on him. He was also letting me do all the work with the kids, the finances, the chores, etc...

I finally told him we needed to go talk to a professional together, otherwise divorce was on the table.

agree, what happened?

agree that he needs to get healthy so he can be there for his wife, kids (??), home, elderly parents, community. he needs to lead it, in fact I'd say he needs to grow up.

he prob needs a fixed job out of the home, he can't figure out a routine for himself. it's been 3 years, heck, work at Chopt or something.

OP here. He’s not on any medication. We just got a puppy— lots of fun and good exercise. I do think DH May have low T but it is hard to say. Agree he needs a medical evaluation but he won’t go to the doctor. That’s another story.

Thank you to the PP above for relating your story about your struggle with depression. I have so much empathy for you. What you said about how you push people away was really a lightbulb moment for me. My DH pushes me away sometimes— either by not talking or by being nasty— and I never considered he may be doing so subconsciously because of his childhood. Thank you for sharing that.

DCUM is frequently a snarky, unkind place but I’ve received so much good advice and kindness in this thread. I really appreciate it.

Your husband's depression isn't being managed properly. He needs to get a physical and re-evaluate his medications with his doctor. People with depression *can* function, but getting the sweet spot with medication and supplements is a bit of a moving target. Something that worked 5 years ago might not work now. And, if he has Low T that can be a big factor too.

What's his activity level like? Being active definitely helps mitigate those couch-bound days. Doesn't have to be a wild workout, even getting a walk at a park or some fresh air is better than nothing. Do you have a dog?

I appreciate that you're being thoughtful about approaching him and dealing with this rather than complaining about his depression. I'm depressed. I've been my entire life. Some days, everything is dark and gloomy and nothing will be OK, and others, I'm ready to fight the day.

I think letting him know you're there, is invaluable.

Another note, I also had an abusive childhood, and through it learned I'm unlovable and no one will stay. My default actions during the darkest days is to push everyone away. I usually do it by being too much. And then when they leave, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe he's subconsciously trying to push you away too, because that's what he knows.