Per the preschool director’s advice above, we do a local mom friend + my mother (in Midwest) and SIL who lives about 30 minutes away but is often in court/unreachable by phone.

After 9-11, our preschool actually required we have an non-local emergency contact I guess in case both parents were killed. (We both are former Hill staffers and unfortunately understand this).

I don’t have local family either, and because it’s DC, every couple of years someone on the emergency contact list moves away.

We always have to list at least two for dd’s school, so one is always our friend/her guardian if something happens to us. The other has usually been a neighbor, but sometimes also the parent of one of her school friends. These people work, but I know that in the off chance they were called, they would be ok with getting her.

When we first moved into our current house 10 years ago, several of the neighbors told me I should feel free to list them as emergency contacts. I listed the most convenient, the couple who were either a SAHM or WAHM. I also listed my mother even though my parents live several hours away, just so that there was a relative that could be reached if need be.

In all that time, I've been fortunate that school has never needed to call any of my emergency contacts. I'm never anywhere my phone can't be with me even if it has to be on silent, and I make sure to keep it charged just in case (I don't use it much beyond the occasional call or text, so the battery lasts a couple of days even if I don't top it off at night, which helps).

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you very much for your helpful responses! In the instances where you have been called as an emergency contact (or someone was called as an emergency contact for your child), why weren’t they able to get in touch with you? I’m not asking judgmentally. I’m trying to problem solve ahead of time so that this doesn’t come up. I don’t want to carry my personal phone into all of my meetings at work, but I can. (We don’t have a receptionist or anyone who could be called in an emergency.) Would that have solved the problem? Or were you flying/ down in the metro/ something else I’m not thinking of?

I carry my phone with me at all times. This isn't hard. my emergency contact is for when I am unreachable/incapacitated, not because I don't want to carry my phone with me

I have been a director for years.

Here's what I want:

1. a few people who you give permission to pick up your child (in DC licensing lingo it's "receive child at end of day."). This means if you can't get there for whatever reason, I need a few people who you can call (or I can call if necessary) to come get your child. I cannot just hand a child off to just anyone, I need permission. So a neighbor, a co-worker (if you are at an on-site childcare or close to work childcare), and a parent or two from your center/preschool will all do. (also, if you just want your child to be able to go home after school to have a playdate in the afternoon, I need permission for that parent to take your child)

2. make medical decisions should I not be able to reach you or spouse (if you have one) in an emergency. In an emergency, a hospital will save a child's life but will not set a broken arm with just my permission. They will wait until they can reach... someone. So list a grandparent or aunt or two, no matter where they live, because they can give approval from California over the phone. Or your child will have to wait until you can get there.

Why have I needed these?
Examples: your car breaks down on your way to pickup and your spouse isn't available (due to travel, being a single parent, being in jury duty and they can't be reached, your spouse is in hospital, etc) In this case, I want someone to take your child home at end of day.

Another example is when both parents think the OTHER is picking up - so nobody gets to the school. A neighbor might be able to get there sooner than you can given you are still at work. Your goal is to get your child out of the school soonest. (don't judge, this happens to many parents, even the most on-the-ball, organized ones - it happens once a year at our program, on average, just not to the same parent twice)

You are traveling and your spouse is notoriously difficult to reach (some govt jobs don't allow you to keep your personal phone on you and don't allow the fed # to be given out), or because your spouse is always in court and can't have phone on, or..... whatever. So if you are the "parent easiest to reach" and this one time you are in an airplane I can't reach you. So then I would need EITHER the emergency # (If I'm heading to hospital with your child via ambulance) OR the pickup people if nobody comes to get your child.

Really, I don't tend to use those #s but I have a few times over my career.

Also, when we NEEDED to reach parents in an emergency and couldn't, we called those numbers to see if they had good ways to reach the parent - a neighbor could knock on the door, a grandparent knew the other cell phone #, etc.

And, yes, if you can have your phone on vibrate in meetings, that's best if you don't have a receptionist.

Also, I LOVE secretaries /receptionists because when I say "this is the director calling from her child's school and I need to speak with her now" they will move heaven and earth and race around to find you! They will pull you out of the bathroom, any meeting, they are great! I don't do that for just anything, but if it's an emergency then I use that card. Otherwise, I will be careful to say "this is not an emergency, just have them call me."

I'd have a good friend who your child knows. Or another mom at the daycare who you are friendly with.

My kid's grandparents are local/an hour away, so I list them. But they've never needed to be called.

Most times they are calling it's because someone has a fever. I don't think they'd go to your emergency contacts unless you didn't respond for a long time. I'd take your personal cell into meetings on silent and just glance at it very occasionally to make you haven't missed a call.

We have a neighbor, and a friend who lives 20 minutes away. They were both called once, but my kids are older (elementary). My phone was dead one time and I was in a SCIF the other time. Not a huge deal, and they could get by for that one time w/o a car seat. I do usually carry my phone with me into meetings, and so does every other mom I know.

DH's best friend who works from home. DH's best friend regularly watches his godchildren and nephews and coaches youth sports so we have no problem with that. Only issue is that he is kind of a scary driver IMO but school is only a mile or two from my house and my office.

I put a very reliable neighbor who is a mom and glued to her phone. Not a super close friend but someone who I would feel good about making a decision for me if need be.

A neighbor and I use each other. We are both close to the school and have flexible enough jobs that we can leave if needed. Our kids play together regularly so they are comfortable with each of us.

As for why someone might not get a hold of me. I might be at a meeting at work so I am not there to answer the phone and I am not allowed to bring my cell phone into my work space. It took me a while to convince the day care that the best way to reach me is via email because I can check that regularly.

For the first few years, I listed my best friend who was child-free. Yes, he has no car seat, but he has known me for years, my kids have always known him and in an emergency, I didn't mind if he didn't have a car seat, they could ride without a car seat for an emergency. After a few years, we found other families like ours through playdates and shared events and we exchanged information and became emergency contacts for each other.

I have a combo - another parent at our daycare, a coworker that has babysat my kids, and then my own parents who live an hour away. Knock on wood, we've never had to use them.

I have my neighbor, but when we were in daycare years it was a coworker whose kid was in the same daycare in our office building.

My kids are older and my emergency contact was literally called one time --- I think my kid was throwing up and for some reason, my phone was off. By the time the friend was actually going to go to school, I already found out and was on my way ---- because I am very rarely unavailable --- but I'm glad I listed somone.

I chose someone who was single and trustworthy and who was good with kids. He didn’t have a car seat, but I figured if it was a true emergency that would matter less. They aren’t going to call this contact if your kid gets a fever - they’ll call the emergency contact if there’s a fire or another emergency where the building has to be evacuated for the day and they can’t reach you. My sons emergency contacts have NEVER been called, and the school struggled to reach me when my kid needed stitches once (it wasn’t terrible and he was in upper elementary, but they waited to get hold of me).

Pick someone, make sure that person has your contact info, and stop worrying.